Trade Mistakes
by GreatWarsLikeOurs
Summary: Theodosia Clarke is 12 when she makes a rather unfortunate mistake & is expelled from Ilvermorny, the school of witchcraft and wizardry in America. She's sure her witch days are over when Dumbledore presents an offer to attend Hogwarts. Theo is scared, alone, on bad terms with her mother & has no idea what to expect or who to trust but she hopes that despite it all, she'll succeed.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

 **Ilvermorny,** _ **United States of America**_

 _ **May, 1973**_

"Professor Dumbledore, I just don't think that she needs to keep attending magic schools. We let her go to one in the country and she ruined her chance. I think it's time she really started thinking about her future and going to a normal school and a normal college to get a normal degree."

Her voice was soft and inviting, but Theodosia knew better. This was far more trouble than her mother was anticipating. Theodosia could see how tight her smile was over her lips, and the sharpness in her eyes. Her father could see it too. He was frustrated, Theodosia knew. When it came to Theodosia's "talent" they were agreeing to disagree on what was best for her.

"Miss Clarke is free to do that if she chooses. I am merely here to present her with an option. I know that sending your daughter across an ocean must seem intimidating, but if she chooses to make the journey, then she has a place at Hogwarts."

Silence fell across the room, as if no one knew whose turn it was to speak. Mrs. Clarke kept her lips in a tight line and looked at her daughter, daring her to speak. Theodosia wasn't that brave tonight. She knew what her mother wanted, and she didn't know exactly what she wanted, so she decided that silence was the best of options.

"May I ask why you want her?" Mrs. Clarke's smile had wavered, losing patience. "She doesn't really… excel, does she? And she was expelled! I don't see why you would want her at your school at all, let alone why you made this trip. It seems like a great deal of effort for one small… witch."

Theodosia prided herself on hiding her emotions. She usually locked her jaw and raised her chin and pretended that everything bounced off of her but this time she couldn't hide the hurt that covered her face. She turned herself to face her mother, but her mother refused to look back. "Mom?"

"You know it's true, Theo. Don't look at me like that. You were always much better at being like us than like _them_." Mr. Clarke rolled his eyes. He was a no-maj too, but he found magic to be a far more inviting concept than Mrs. Clarke did. Mrs. Clarke treated it like a passing fancy hoping that her daughter would come to her senses and stop this nonsense.

"Momma that's not true. You know that's not true. I was good, that's why Professor Dumbledore is here, right professor?" Her pleading look wasn't acknowledged though, and Theo couldn't fight the hurt that she was feeling all through her body. Suddenly everything felt like it was aching.

"I am actually here as a favor to an old friend; an old friend that assured me that your daughter is a very talented young woman. I trust that this friend would not lead me astray, and if they have faith in her then I do too."

"Diane, maybe this is a good thing." Mr. Clarke finally chimed in, incredibly tired. He was much more excited by the fact that Theo was a witch than Mrs. Clarke, and was eager for her to continue her studies. Her attending a school for witchcraft and wizardry was already a point of strain within the family, and now this. Theodosia felt like everything was just such a mess, and knew without a doubt that it was all her fault.

"I don't think it is! She has to think about her future! What are we going to tell people?!"

"Is that all you care about? What people _think_?" That was also a frequently argued point. Mr. Clarke came from a well off family, and parents who didn't seem to really enjoy raising children. Theo had heard stories about how her grandmother would beat her children if they embarrassed her, and knew that he was adamant not to let the same thing happen to his daughters. It made sense that his wife's words would upset him.

"Guys, please stop." Theodosia regretted stepping in the moment they turned on her.

"Be quiet Theo! Your father and I wouldn't even be fighting if it wasn't for you! I'm so angry at you I can't even see straight!" As if to emphasize her point, Diane Clarke closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"I was wondering if, perhaps, I may speak with Miss Clarke alone." Dumbledore's voice seemed to remind Theo's mother of exactly where she was and what she was doing. She was sitting up straight again, smiling tightly as she addressed the old wizard.

"If you'd like, but you must know that Theo's choice is her own." This may seem like Theo actually had a choice in the matter, but that could not be farther from the truth. Whatever Mrs. Clarke wanted would go, unless Mr. Clarke decided to really step in. In the end her opinion didn't matter. All that mattered was which parent had the stronger will.

"Of course," Dumbledore nodded. With a huff, Theo's parents left the room taking any support (or lack thereof) she may have had with them. Theo couldn't bring herself to look at the older man. She was twelve and awkward and scared and this man had crossed an ocean as a favor to a friend on her behalf. She briefly wondered what he must have thought of her, but she decided not knowing might preserve her dignity.

"Why don't you tell me what happened, Miss Clarke?"

Theo didn't know what to say. This was the first time she'd been asked since the whole ordeal even began about two days ago. She considered an evasive response, but reconsidered after actually looking at the old man. He made her feel very safe, and for a second wondered when she had lost the feeling of security.

"Uh, yes. Sir. I um." Why was this so hard? She just had to tell him. If he believed her it was up to him, she just had to explain. Just explain… "I realize that what I am about to say is going to sound weird, and impossible. But I had a dream."

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow but said nothing so Theo continued.

"I've had some strange dreams of people I've never seen before, or places I've never been. Usually they're blurry, so little detail that I can barely make them out if at all. But then maybe the next day or the day after, I'll see those people or those places. I know it's silly, but they're so different from my normal dreams. They're always just a little bit off. And sometimes they happen when I'm awake too.

"So I had a dream like those, except it was much sharper. It was the night before, and it was of the Professor I… yea. She had this really mean look on her face, and she was marching down the hall in her black robes and her hair pulled back in this really tight ponytail, and I know that's a lot of information but I _saw it_. It was so vivid. In the dream she grabs this boy, he is a year younger than me. I knew him because he got teased a lot, and I always felt bad. Well she grabs him, really tight by the arm, and yells 'Mr. Shephard, how dare you?!' She was so loud and angry that everyone stopped to look. The kid looks all scared and says 'I don't know what you're talking about.' So the professor pulls a parchment out of her pocket and shows it to him. I didn't know what it said but the kid looked terrified at the site of it. I think it was a prank someone pulled maybe? He was a sweet kid. I don't think he would even have the guts to do anything to offend anyone purposely. I don't know.

"But then he just starts babbling, saying he'd never seen it before and that it wasn't him and she tells him not to lie and he says he isn't and she raised her hand and slaps him so hard across the face that he falls over and starts crying, and then I woke up."

Dumbledore remained silent, never taking his eyes off of her as she recounts this bizarre tale to him. She feels self-conscious but now that it's all out in the open she felt a weight lift off of her shoulders. Maybe this wasn't so bad. Maybe he'd even believe her? She continued the tale, a hint of hope in her voice.

"And so, the next day I'm walking, and I get this weird feeling like I've done this before, and I look up and see the professor heading for the little boy. I try to think that it's not the same, it's not the same, but then she grabs him and yells at him. And I watch the exact scene from my dream start happening before me and as soon as she pulls out the parchment I panic, because I know what's going to happen so I run and I-I just.."

"No need to continue, I think I understand Miss Clarke." Theo's stomach began doing somersaults as she thinks about how absolutely insane she must sound to this poor old man who was probably regretting even coming here in the first place. "It is an interesting situation you've found yourself in. You realize that being expelled generally means that you are no longer allowed to practice magic, yes?"

Theo only nods.

"However, this is a unique situation." Theo may have been imagining it, but there seemed to be a small smile on his lips. The beard made it a little difficult to tell.

"It is?"

"Indeed it is. Most students are expelled for misuse of magic, as you may have guessed, but you have been expelled for something entirely different. According to your laws, there is no reason that you are not allowed to continue your education in the field of magic."

Theo's heart was beating quickly. She had wondered why her wand hadn't been snapped yet, and now she understood. Whoever Dumbledore's friend was, he knew the law and knew how to get around it. The question was, however, whether or not she would be allowed to go to school an ocean away.

"So you are welcome to join us for your third year of study, if you are interested."

"I would love to, sir, but I am not sure my mother would let me." Another one of those almost smiles graced his bearded lips.

"Perhaps you can leave that to me." With a swish of his robes, he stood and strode to the door her parents had exited through. Theo wondered if she should be following but elected to sit in place, hoping against hope that she could actually, really, have a second chance. She wanted one, she really did. She loved magic, she loved everything fantastic that surrounded her and while Theo did not believe in God, she hoped that if there was one they were listening and rooting for her too.


	2. Chapter 1: In The Beginning

_**Chapter 1**_

 _ **The Leaky Cauldron**_

 _ **12:00 pm**_

 _ **August 30, 1973**_

Theo wanted to be sick. She was sure she was going to be. She had been warned by the government official that came with her portkey that traveling across an ocean was going to be an exceptionally unpleasant experience, but was still in a right state when she landed rather clumsily in a room of the inn she was going to be staying in for the next two days. She had been told that her parents could not accompany her, as they were no-maj and would not take the trip well. She looked around and found someone standing near the door, anticipating her arrival. She was right on time as to be expected with portkey usage.

"Miss Clarke?" Theo would have nodded, but the slight turn to face him made her stomach twist and turn in threatening ways so she grunted in affirmation instead, leaning on her knees and closing her eyes. Could she always feel the Earth spinning beneath her feet?

"I am David Douglas. I'll be assisting you with your transition over the course of the next two days." Another grunt from Theo, as the world continued to spin.

"I recommend that we exchange your currency and attempt to finish all of your school shopping today so that tomorrow you have time to relax and perhaps explore the more interesting stores that Diagon Alley has to offer."

"Yes, that sounds like a good idea." She hoped she didn't sound as terrible as she felt.

"Whenever you're ready, I will take you to Gringotts to-"

Theo could guess what he said next, but it was hard to think when she was emptying the contents of her stomach onto the already worn floor and a little on poor Mr. Douglas's shoes.

 **(^^)**

"I am so sorry," Theo had been chanting non-stop since she and David Douglas had left the little inn (pub?). She was so embarrassed that she managed to puke on the first person she met in this new and strange place.

In between her apologies she was looking in wonder at all of the stores that surrounded her. There were, of course, many wizarding communities in America but Theo had only experienced the one somehow hidden in Chicago. Since she was still new to this whole magic thing and didn't get out much as a now thirteen year old girl she didn't expect to see many others but here she was and she could not take in enough. Everything about this place screamed foreign and exciting.

"As I've already said, it's alright. You handled it quite well, I must admit. The puking usually happens immediately." Douglas was rather amused, Theo noted with both mortification and annoyance. Since nausea was a rather common occurrence with that particular method of travel, he came prepared with a potion that would help ease her stomach, which she had been sure was planning a coup. She was feeling much better now, she noted gleefully.

"So is having to escort small foreign children through a crowded alley to shop for school part of the job description or am I a special case?" She wasn't even looking at Douglas, but she heard his snort from her left.

"I am actually here as a favor to Dumbledore. My working for the Department of transportation is just a bit of an added benefit."

"Oh gosh, are you even getting paid for this?" Theo looked horrified at the prospect of puking on a volunteer. As if she didn't feel bad enough.

"No, but I'm happy to help. Dumbledore is a good man, and I understand why he might be reluctant to let you travel London on your own for the first time."

They were silent as they continued to navigate through the alley, stopping first for money, then books, potions supplies and, finally, Hogwarts robes. By the time they had finished, the sun was setting and Theo was feeling the emptiness of her stomach. Douglas took her back to The Leaky Cauldron, gave her a small amount of money to pay for dinner (which she tried to refuse but failed miserably) and stated that he would be back a day after tomorrow to take her to King's cross station.

Theo didn't sleep a wink that night. Nothing about this was even a little reassuring, and more than a little frightening. She also didn't want to think about her mother and how she was handling Theo's absence. She was reluctant to let Theo leave, despite the fact that she had already agreed to the whole thing. Her last few months at home had been strained, with shifty glances and the occasional screaming match. Even Theo's sister was upset with her, begging her not to leave and getting mad when she refused.

Theo wondered if she was going to have better luck making friends in this new school than she did at the last one but knew the chances were slim. She knew she was a little different, and less than average when it came to attractiveness. She couldn't even get along with people who were apart of her own culture, how could she expect it to go any better when she was so far from home with people who have already known one another for two years? She felt her stomach squirm at the idea of having to talk to people, and move into her room, and oh god she had to be sorted all over again. As she rolled around until the early morning light streamed into her windows, she wished desperately for some of that potion Douglas had to calm her stomach.

 **(^^)**

The next day, Theo spent some time in the pet shop, looking at all the animals and asking questions. After about two hours of this, the owner finally seems to get fed up with Theo and shooed her out none too nicely. After that she found a bench and sat down just to watch people pass. She knew she probably looked strange, people watching like this in her muggle clothes. She stuck out like a sore thumb but after spending such a restless night in her room she could not suffer it for another minute. She had one of her school books, the one about magical creatures, but she was reluctant to start reading. It seemed like too nice of a day for her to waste it reading, and everyone around her seemed to have a similar idea.

A glance at her watch told her she had been sitting on this bench for about an hour. It was decidedly less interesting than the pet shop she concluded, because she felt rather sure that she had been there for hours. With a heavy sigh she made to get up, but a strange feeling came over her. It urged her to remain sitting, so she did. It urged her to close her eyes, so she did. It urged her to relax, and as soon as she did she suddenly felt like she was in a totally different place. It smelled of old paper and gave off the distinct feeling of being old. The feeling urged her to relax further and as she did she saw a room come into view. It had shelves upon shelves of books, with windows lining the wall. It was raining outside, she noticed. The sound of ran splattering the window filled her ears.

She spent no more than a few seconds just observing her surroundings when she heard a large crash coming from her left. She whipped around and saw two boys dashing in her direction. She pressed herself against the wall behind a shelf and watched as they skidded to a halt right in front of her. She looked on through the books, wondering if they had noticed her. She held her breath, waiting.

Theo had no idea what was happening, but she was entranced. These two boys were taller than her, both with black hair. One had hair that was smooth and shiny and longer than most thirteen year old boys kept their hair. He was strikingly handsome, even for someone so young. Theo could see how he would look when he started filling out and felt a pang of envy in the back of her mind. The other was also handsome, but in a different way. The first boy was elegant and refined, but the second was all rough edges and messy hair. His round glasses were hanging loosely on the tip of his nose.

"What the hell were you thinking James," hissed the long haired boy. He looked up and Theo noticed his striking grey eyes. Where the hell did this boy come from to get so lucky with the gene pool?

"Well, Sirius, I was thinking we need that bloody book if we're going to help Moony!" They both stood to full height, glaring lightly at one another.

"So you thought climbing the shelves like a ladder was the way to go?"

"I didn't see you coming up with anything!"

And suddenly Theo was sitting on a bench in Diagon Alley once again. There was a man across the way who was giving her a strange look. Theo gave an awkward smile and hustled back to her room to avoid talking to anyone ever again. She realized that she may be over reacting to the strange things that were happening in her life, but she was also sure that it was her job as a thirteen year old girl to panic and be self-conscious. Besides, she'd never heard of anyone else having strange dreams that felt real and tended to actually happen.

She wondered briefly if she was going to actually meet those boys or not. She hoped not, since her track record with boys her age usually ended with them laughing and her going red in the face. She wanted to worry about why she was seeing it in the first place, but it was hard to concentrate right now. Every time something like this happened, she felt strange after. It was like her body was adjusting to the fact that it had just dipped into the future and was having a hard time with it.

She remembered briefly, the first time something like this happened. She was young, and she had seen her aunt dropping her sister's birthday cake because she tripped over their dog. Theo had been five at the time, and simply cried and cried until her parents gave her a piece of chocolate to make her feel better.

It wasn't that Theo was upset about the loss of cake (she was actually glad because she was not at all fond of vanilla), but she remembered the distinct feeling of something being wrong. It was like her bones no longer fit in her body in the right spot, almost like the distinct feeling of _wrong_ one feels when they put a sock on backwards. You knew what it was supposed to feel like, and were uncomfortable when it wasn't quite right.

Theo felt the effects melt away slowly, and began thinking of the strange site she had seen. She'd never seen those boys before, she was sure. They wore robes over their casual clothes, so Theo could only assume that they went to Hogwarts. Maybe she was seeing the school library? It seemed to fit the situation as well as anything.

Theo sometimes wondered what these things were that she was seeing, but never brought it up with anyone other than Professor Dumbledore. She knew it sounded strange, and impossible even. She knew impossible wasn't the right word, though, because she had actually looked into it at Ilvermorny and had read a bit about Seers. She became fairly aware from that point on that she might not necessarily be a seer, but she definitely had a functional "Inner Eye". However, she still didn't feel comfortable telling anyone of actual authority about the subject, seeing as she found she was often wrong.

It was more than that, she knew. She knew that reason she never told anyone was the same reason she never told anyone she sprained her wrist when she was nine or when she hid the fact that she had a crush on one of her classmates when she was eleven. She was scared that people would yell at her, make fun of her, or worse, call her a liar. Her mother had accused her before of faking pain for attention, and she wasn't the only one. Theo found from a very young age that she was a fortunate person, and because of this fact, she was not really allowed to complain about the things that were bothering her, because what did she have to complain about really?

So this, she kept to herself. She could not explain why it was that she opened up to Professor Dumbledore when all he had done was smile at her. Her parents and Professor's had been badgering her since the incident, demanding she explain herself and all she could say was "I thought she was going to hit him." She never explained that she dreamed it the night before, convinced that they would get even more upset, and just hoped that if she apologized and kept her head down, it would all be over.

But when Dumbledore asked, she told him. She told him everything, even that this wasn't the first time. He didn't say he did or did not believe her, but he let her attend his school. That must have been saying something, right? It also could mean that he thought she was crazy, and he really owed whoever phoned (owled?) in the favor.

Theo continued to wonder Diagon Alley, admiring the many ins and outs of such a strange and wonderful place and for a second really believed that maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

 **(^^)**

Theo and David Douglas had no real relationship at all but as it stood, he was the only one in the country that she knew and parting with him was an upsetting thought. Theo hated being alone and more so than that, she hated not knowing anyone. At least at school she knew the people pushing past her and knew what to expect, but here anything seemed possible and not in the "chase your dreams" kind of way. Theo was sure she was going to be sick again but felt secure in the fact that she wouldn't since she hadn't eaten anything since she landed in this stupid country.

"You'll be fine," Douglas muttered. Theo jumped slightly and looked up at her temporary companion. They were in King's Cross Station, Theo pushing her luggage in front of her as she tried to maneuver her way through the crowd. She felt small for the first time in years.

"I'm not scared." Theo's voice betrayed her, cracking right at the end.

"No, of course you're not. Right up here," Douglas motioned, pointing at a very solid looking wall between two platforms. Theo didn't question it, familiar with the fact that few things were ever as they seemed in this world of magic. Theo lined her trolley up with the wall between platform 9 and 10, and walked forward confidently like she wasn't walking head first into a wall.

Platform 9 ¾ seemed even more intimidating than the no-maj one. There she knew who she was, here she just felt awkward and out of place. Douglas pushed her forward toward the train and took over pushing the trolley, while Theo just looked around in wonder. There was such an interesting mix of people here, some in robes, others dressed more normally. She supposed to the ones dressed in robes, they were the normal ones.

Theo knew from experience that when one was not looking where they were going, they were bound to run into something unpleasant, and this time was no exception. She was so taken aback that in colliding with what she assumed was a person, she lost her footing and landed unkindly on her arse. She grumbled to herself and looked up to apologize to whoever she had run into but she was frozen in place.

This woman looked capable of killing with a glance, her grey eyes piercing Theo's souls as a look of rage crossed her face. Her hair was neat, her face sharp, and her eyes burning in their sockets. Theo opened her mouth to apologize but had issues getting words to come out. This angered the woman further, as she began to scream.

"How _dare_ you! Do you know who I am?!" Theo shook her head, sliding backwards slightly. This woman reminded her fiercely of her mother, with the same disgusted look and such similar, bone chilling eyes that Theo would have thought them related if she hadn't known better. She even has the same thin lips, Theo thought briefly before the woman was screaming again.

"You filthy little witch. Have you nothing to say for yourself?" Theo once again felt her mouth open, and yet still no words came out. She curled in on herself, waiting for the woman to scream again.

"Mother, you're causing a scene." Theo dared a glance to the woman's right to see a strangely familiar site. The boy had long black hair, his face housing a pair of striking grey eyes that matched the woman in front of her. What had his friend called him? Sirius? It didn't matter. The woman seemed to still instantly. Ah, another woman frightened of others perception. However, while Theo's mother simply hoped for normalcy, this woman seemed to have a status she was attempting to protect. Theo could not have been more grateful in that moment for such pettiness.

"Miss Clarke, are you alright?" Douglas was at her side, pulling her up to her feet again. For some reason standing seemed to bring back some of her courage as she looked at the frightening woman yet again. She simply scowled before turning to the boy at her side. Theo was grateful for the blatant dismissal and turned to Douglas who led the way to the train. Theo had had enough of people and the day had barely started. She was eager to sit and wrap herself up and hide for the rest of eternity or at least until the train ride was over.

Oh god, she was going to have to sit somewhere, with someone. Oh gods above what was she going to do? What if everyone saw her? What would they think? She had run into the woman after all. it was all her fault…

She didn't feel her breath quicken so much as she heard it ringing in her ears, drowning out other noises. She couldn't do this, what was she thinking? This was a mistake, this was a huge mistake. She just wanted to be home and pretend none of this ever happened. She couldn't breathe, everything hurt, why couldn't she breathe?

"Miss Clarke! Please, calm down. You'll be ok, just look at me." Theo barely registered the words, but managed to look down at Douglas who was now kneeling in front of her next to the train. She had yet to actually look at David Douglas's face, but now that she did she noticed immediately the freckles that covered his nose, and his tan skin. He wasn't thin, but he certainly wasn't pudgy either. He wore thick glasses and looked to be about the age of forty or fifty, the greys hairs peppering his light brown hair. Scanning his face helped distract Theo and in turn, calmed her down.

"There's a girl. Can you do this?"

No. No she couldn't. This would be the third time she'd have to navigate her way through a new school with knew people and given the way it went the last two times she was fairly certain she was going to mess it up again, just like she did every time before this one. She swallowed hard and nodded.

"Good, good. I'll pack up your trunk, and you just worry about finding a seat, ok?" Theo nodded again, certain that if she spoke she'd vomit and she would feel awful if she puked on this poor man twice. Theo climbed onto the train and looked out again. The whistle blew and Theo knew they would be leaving soon. This was scary. This was so scary.

Douglas was still on the platform, waving at her. She smiled a little to herself, grateful that Dumbledore had thought to send someone along. She never would have gotten anywhere without his help and she was determined to make it up to him somehow. The whistle blew again and the train was lurching forward, beginning the trip. Theo waved to Douglas until he was out of site, and felt the weight of the world rest on her shoulders. This was it, she was really alone now.

Finding an empty compartment seemed laughable at first but it seemed there was a god and he was smiling down on her at least a little because she'd managed and plopped herself down quickly before something else could go wrong. She scooted as close to the window as she could get, pressing herself against the wall. She knew she didn't have too much time before other students came looking for a place to sit and just hoped that it wouldn't be too painful.

Theo wasn't truly aware of how tired she actually was until she felt her heavy eyelids fall. She wanted to fight it, but she had not been kind to her body the last few days and it was demanding a break. She didn't even know who joined her in the compartment until someone was lightly shaking her shoulder. Theo blinked lazily a few times, setting her eyes upon the person who roused her from her unexpected slumber, her breath catching in her throat.

This girl, whoever she was, was far too cute to be legal. She had dark brown hair that reminded Theo of chocolate, and bright blue eyes that reminded Theo of a clear sky in the summer time. Already she reminded Theo of two of her favorite things and felt it impossible for Theo to find her any more appealing until she _smiled._ Honestly, this wasn't fair.

"Hey sleepy head. I'm sorry to wake you but we're getting close to the school and you'll need to put on your robes now." Theo nodded dumbly, not saying anything as she dug out her robes and changed into them. It was around this time that Theo noticed the other two girls in the compartment, both attractive in their own ways, but neither of them compared to the girl who'd woken her like princess charming.

"I'm Isabel, by the way." Princess Charming smiled as she changed. "We didn't want to wake you up, and there were no other seats. I hope you don't mind."

"No!" Theo internally cursed when the other two girls shot her strange looks. One word and already she was off to a terrible start. "I mean, I don't mind at all. I'm sorry if my sleeping bothered you guys or anything. You didn't have to worry about waking me…"

Isabel just giggled, causing Theo to blush.

"We actually weren't being quiet at all," said one of the girls as she plopped back down. She had black hair and tan skin, and eyes so dark they almost looked black. It was unnerving to have them staring at you like they were doing to Theo right now.

"Yea, some stupid boys burst in screaming trying to scare us. When it didn't wake you we assumed that regular conversation wouldn't either." The other girl spoke this time. Theo found that she had a very soothing voice. The kind of voice you want reading you bed time stories when you can't sleep. Theo wondered that if she had done that two nights ago if Theo would have been able to get to sleep.

"How does one becomes such a heavy sleeper?" Isabel was speaking again, and Theo once again blushed. _Control yourself, woman!_

"Oh, I uh, I grew up next to some train tracks so I had to learn to sleep with a lot of things going on." Isabel and the girl with the nice voice laughed slightly, while the black eyed girl smiled.

"You're not from around here, are you?" Theo looked back to Black Eyes as she sat back down.

"No I'm from America."

"Really?! What's it like? Do you, like, eat burgers and chips every night?" Nice Voice seemed to be jumping up and down. _Nice Voice? That's ridiculous. How about… Siren?_

"Uh, no not really, only when mom doesn't have time to cook." Siren visibly deflated.

"So what brings you here? Have you been here the last two years? I don't think I've seen you."

"Oh, well, uh…" Theo had not thought about how she was going to tell people her reasons for leaving and if she wanted to make any friends she doubted announcing that she tackled a teacher to the ground because of a weird dream she had was not the right way to go. Black Eyes was piercing her with a steely gaze, however, and she needed to think quick.

"My family just moved here for work."

"What do they do?" Black Eyes seemed unconvinced of Theo's lie and she should be. It was blatant and she doubted they'd still be talking if she told them the real reason. Theo just blushed and tried to think of something to say. Her mother was a secretary for a plumbing company so that was out. Her father was a System's Engineer, but she wondered if these girls would even know about said no-maj occupation.

"Claire!" Isabel scolded. Theo glanced over and found that Isabel looked even cuter when angry.

"What? I just want to know. I don't trust her."

If Theo was blushing before, then there was a whole new word for what she was doing now. She felt her whole face heat up and thanked the gods above when she felt the train lurch to a stop. Theo watched as the other girls stood up, each helping each other grab their trunks and was a little disappointed to note that none helped with hers.

When they finally got off the train, Theo made to follow the other students, but gave pause when she heard a booming voice shout "First years this way!" Theo wasn't sure if she counted as a first year, or if she should go with the other students. She realized quickly that standing still was not the best course of action however, and got shoved rather violently forward. She landed on her hands and knees in the mud and honestly considered drowning herself in the nearby lake. She began making her way in that direction, whether to drown herself or ask for help she wasn't quite sure yet.

"First years this way!" Theo approached the large man with the lantern that was doing all of the shouting, feeling more and more scared by the second. There was that nauseous feeling again. By now she felt as if she had developed a bit of a report with the feeling and if she kept it up, it was going to be her only friend.

"E-excuse me," Theo half whispered, half spoke. This was terrible. This was the worst thing in the history of all things. The large man, Theo realized, could not be shorter that nine feet tall, maybe even ten. Theo swallowed loudly.

"You wouldn' 'appen to be Miss Clarke now would ya?" Theo nodded and he seemed to smile under that bushy beard of his though it was hard to tell. What was it with beards, anyway? She didn't understand. "Righ' this way then! You'll be sorted with the firs' years."

Theo, seeing eleven year olds all around her climbing into boats, went and did the same. This was humiliating on levels beyond what Theo had previously thought possible. It was like this, shaky and nervous and covered in mud that Theo walked into the great hall with all the first years. Theo didn't listen, the ringing in her ears making it nearly impossible anyway. She was sure that if dying of embarrassment were possible and it hadn't already happened by now, she would in this exact moment as she tried to ignore the sniggering she heard from one of the tables. Some tried to be subtle, others didn't bother.

Theo was so lost in her own self-pity that she was only stirred when she heard a woman shout "Clarke, Theodosia!" into the crowd. She shuffled her way forward through the students, praying for an early death. This, she figured, was not much different than her own sorting back at Ilvermorny. All she had to do was walk up and magic would do the rest.

An older woman with a tight bun who had already introduced herself as Professor McGonagall held an old hat up as Theo gently sat down on the stool. She felt the hat descend upon her and cover her eyes. She waited.

' _A little late to the party, hmm?'_ A voice spoke into her head and unnerved her in ways she thought she was immune to. She straightened slightly, refusing to show fear. She was embarrassed and tired and dirty but she made it this far and a magical hat was not going to do her in.

' _I've already heard of you. You're quite the hero, I dare say. And you sit so proud, despite your fear.'_

 _Thank you._

 _'You're a very smart girl, I see. You get told that often though, no need to dwell on it. You're also protective. And brave, definitely brave.'_

 _I'm not brave._

 _'And modest too, I see. But it's not modesty, is it? No, it's not at all. But trust me when I say I know bravery when I see it, and you have it. But where do I put you? You will excel anywhere you go, but I think I know where you'll benefit most. Better be…_

"GRYFFINDOR!" There was cheering as the hat was lifted off of her head and the hall was in front of her once more. She numbly stood up from her seat and made her way to the Gryffindor table (which she gathered since they were the ones cheering), noticing for the first time that the girls she met on the train were definitely not in Gryffindor and felt her shoulders sag. There was still some residual cheering as she sat and only fully died when the next student was called to get sorted. Theo watched with almost no interest as students one by one were placed into their houses. After the days she'd had, she was ready for sleep. Even eating seemed to be more effort than it was worth but she managed some chicken and a little mashed potatoes before following the prefects like the other first years.

Despite Theo's exhaustion, she could not help but take in the beauty of the castle as she walked through it. It was grand and beautiful and different from her school. Ilvermorny was different from anything Theo had ever really seen. She guessed it must have been established around the same time as the revolutionary war, as the structure and design closely matched that of paintings she'd seem from that time.

It was a beautiful school, but this was different. This had history and feeling pouring out of it in waves. This building was alive and pulsing with energy from all the magic embedded in its very core. Theo felt strange, as if she were merely floating. She wondered if it was because of how little she's slept and eaten over the last few days, or because of the magic swimming around her, or both. Probably both, she decided.

She felt a strange feeling of calm wash over her and suddenly she was urged again to sit and relax and let whatever happens happen. She fought it knowing what would happen if she gave in. The middle of the staircase was not the time to fall into an unresponsive trance, especially on her very first day. They reached a portrait of a Fat Lady and watched as the prefect declared the password ("Ursa Minor"), and the portrait swung open. In they piled, and watched as the prefect pointed everyone in the right direction.

Theo made her way up to the prefect, intent on asking her if she was actually bunking with first years or if she was going to be with other girls her age. She was cut off however, by someone calling her name from the portrait hole from which she came.

"Yes?" She hated how small and weak and scared she sounded but she was so done and ready for sleep to take her. Professor McGonagall seemed to notice the bone deep ache that was taking over her entire body and smiled in a way that was probably meant to be reassuring.

"Hello dear, I just came to inform you that you will be rooming with other girls in your year, there should be a sign on the door. You'll find that your things have already arrived." Theo nodded, grateful that it was taken care of already and awkward conversations didn't need to happen. "And also, Professor Dumbledore requests to see you tomorrow morning after breakfast. Simply ask one of the prefects to bring you when you're ready and I'm sure they'll be happy to assist you."

Theo smiled, nodded, and thanked the woman. She was fairly certain she had done all three, but couldn't be too sure with how tired she was. She assumed she at least managed to smile because the woman smiled back before turning and leaving from whence she came.

Climbing up the stairs and finding the room titled "Third Year Girls", Theo knocked lightly before shuffling in. The other girls all stopped what they were doing just to stare at the mess that was Theodosia Clarke.

"Aren't you a first year," a dark skinned girl asked. She looked incredibly unamused and Theo figured she would be too if the positions were reversed. Theo seriously considered just going back to the common room and sleeping on the couch to avoid this part but instead she just looked down at her muddy shoes.

"No, I just transferred." A red headed girl raised her eyebrow at Theo, but chose to just ignore the whole thing and continue unpacking. The other girls followed suit.

Theo wasn't sure if she expected the others girls to be receptive of her but she expected introductions at the very least. It seemed that they were content not knowing who she was, and given her current state she couldn't blame them. So instead of trying to talk, trying to make friends, or anything of the sort, Theo just went to her bed, changed into her pajama's and crawled into bed. She was grateful for the curtains and quickly shut them. The girls were making idle conversation outside, but didn't invite Theo to join.

So feeling miserable and alone, she curled up into the smallest ball she could make herself and pretended like she was back at home with her sister and her dog and things weren't absolutely terrible.


	3. Chapter 2: Animagus Transformations

**Chapter 2: Animagus Transformations**

 **Dumbledore's Office**

 **Sunday, September 2, 1973**

"How was your first night, Miss Clarke?"

 _It was probably one of the worst nights of my life and I am seriously considering jumping out the window just to avoid going back to my dorm where the people I live with ignore me as if I've done some great wrong or something._

"It was nice, thank you for asking Professor." Theo smiled and smiled and smiled to the point where she knew she was suspicious but who cares? Probably not the old man in front of her, that was for sure. Why would he?

"That's good to hear. Are you looking forward to your first day of classes?"

 _NO!_

"Yes! I'm eager to see how the classes compare. I'm sure they're similar but it'll still be interesting." Dumbledore's beard twitched which made Theo think he was smiling but she was never sure.

"That's wonderful. I appreciate your enthusiasm. You seem to be taking this all very well." He said it how anyone would say it, but Theo could feel his doubt from her seat on the other side of the desk. But she didn't flinch, she just kept smiling and smiling…

"I suppose you're wondering why you're here?" She nodded. "You see, I did not accept you simply as a favor to my friend. There is something different about you, Miss Clarke. I think you know that."

Theo was shaking her head the moment the word different was uttered. She didn't want to be different. She wanted to just be normal and have normal friends and just blend into the blur of school. She didn't need this attention, she certainly didn't want it.

"Sir, I don't know what you mean…"

"Miss Clarke, there is nothing to worry about. It's a rare skill, you have. Quite keen as well, if what you said was true. I believe your skill could be quite useful, if you are willing to put the effort in."

Her head was shaking again seemingly of its own volition. She certainly wasn't controlling it. She wasn't trying to deny the fact that she was different, more so that fact that it was a useful and rare skill. She was different in the "I can't make conversation or socialize without confusing the other person in some form or another" kind of way. She didn't need any other things to make her different and weird and wrong. She wasn't the kind of person that helps, she just knew that. She wasn't meant to be able to do anything more important than anyone else. She wasn't supposed to be special, just capable.

"Are you scared, Miss Clarke?"

"Yes," she answered, before even thinking about it. How does he do that?

"That is wise, I think. Fear of what you're capable of is a very humbling thing. Miss Clarke I must make a request of you, if you don't mind."

"I don't."

"If you happen to see anything troubling during your time here, I must ask that you inform me or one of the other Professors here. I trust that you'll be honest with us, and in return I will be honest with you. Does that sound fair?" None of this was fair, she wanted to point out, but her mother's words were echoing in her brain. _Life isn't fair, so you're just going to have to get over it._

"Yes sir, it does." His beard twitched again and Theo felt only slightly more at ease.

"I'm glad to hear it, Theodosia."

The next day, it did not cross Theo's mind that she had no clue at all where she was going until she stood from the breakfast table to make her way to class. She didn't think that she was never handed a map (they never give you a map) and was left to her own devices, even though that's exactly what was happening. All at once she could feel all the people around her, and how she was completely unwilling to ask any of them where the charms classroom was. She walked out of the Hall and elected to stand around until she saw one of her roommates and then she'd just follow them.

Her panicked mind thought that it was a good plan, until anxiety took over. What if they didn't have the same schedule? What if she walked into transfiguration and sat through the entire class completely confused only to realize too late how great her mistake was? What if her roommates were freaked out by her following them and told everyone she was a creepy stalker and-

"Hey!" Theo jumped about a foot into the air, glancing around and coming face to face with none other than Princess Charming herself, Isabel. "I'm glad I caught you. Did you enjoy your day off?"

Theo hated gaping like a fish, but she found herself doing it anyway.

"I'll take that as a no…"

 _Well fuck._

"What class do you have first? Do you need help finding anything?" Isabel looked so sweet and sincere and ready to help and Theo wondered what she did to deserve this girl's kindness but she was not willing to turn down the only person who could help her.

"I have charms, first. I have no idea where anything is though…"

Isabel then took the time to explain, to the best of her ability, where all of Theo's classes were. She did this as she escorted Theo to her first class, smiling the whole time like it was a pleasure to watch Theo stare wide eyed at everything Hogwarts had to offer. Theo tried to be friendly, and assumed she succeeded at least a little bit when Isabel laughed. She had a very nice laugh.

"By the way, what year are you?" Isabel asked when they stopped near the door to Theo's class.

"Oh, I'm a third year. What about you?"

"I am too! But I'm in Slytherin." Isabel seemed disappointed by that, though Theo could not fathom why. "But, we'll have double potions together tomorrow! If you'd like, we can sit together during lunch and walk to class together?"

Was she blushing? Theo shook the idea away quickly though. Why would she blush? She was just being friendly and Theo was in desperate need of a friend. "Definitely, I'd love to. And thank you so much for walking me to class. I really appreciate the help."

"I'm glad. Try to talk to some people during class who can help you get to your next class. Gryffindors are supposed to be all about comradery and bravery after all."

With a smile (and was that a wink?), Isabel glided (not walked, glided) away from Theo, leaving her shell shocked. There was no way she made a friend that easily. It had to be a trick, right? She was a pretty girl with a big smile and a great personality, what would she want to do with Theo?

Theo knew she wasn't much of a looker and when she thought about it, not many thirteen year olds were. Most were odd angles and baby fat, with pimples and anxiety. Thirteen year olds were not meant to be attractive, they weren't really meant to be anything. They were place holders for the greater being they were to become. With many thirteen year olds it was just best to look for the potential, and you could see that in a lot of kids. Lots of kids had quirks or skills, things that showed you what they could do when their limbs stopped feeling too long and their minds were more capable of greater levels of thought.

Theo never thought she had any visible potential, and was reminded that others didn't feel that way either almost constantly. She was more than awkward movements and confusing thoughts, she was too much fat in all the wrong places, she was untamable hair that didn't suit her at any length, she was pimples and untamed eyebrows and, apparently, a very rare and unique skill that motivated her to tackle teachers and zone out on a bench in a busy city. She was the kind of person you either glance over or stop to laugh at. She was not the kind of person you make friends with because you shared a compartment on a train, nor was she the person you walked to class.

 _Unless it's a trick,_ a sinister part of her brain supplied. The problem was that it was likely to be right in this situation. It certainly would not be the first time someone pretended to like her for a good laugh. And besides, it wasn't another awkward thirteen year old girl just trying to find someone who understands the trials and tribulations of a pudgy and antisocial kid, it was Isabel. Isabel was far too cute for someone her age, Theo decided. Her hair was too nice, her teeth too white, her eyes too bright. She was, to Theo, absolute perfection.

 _Oh god, I'm smitten…_

Theo tried not to think about her new Slytherin acquaintance as she sat down in the back of the room for her charms class, and found that it was rather easy to forget when two figures stand in front of your desk expectantly. Glancing up at the people in front of her, Theo stopped breathing. In front of her were the two boys she'd seen that day in Diagon Alley, looking at her like she'd just offended their great ancestors. She cleared her throat.

"Can… Can I help you?"

"You're in our seat," James said, crossing his arms. Theo's eyes went wide.

"There are assigned seats? I'm sorry I didn't mean to…" She grabbed her bag and stood when another voice cut in.

"There aren't, you don't have to move." Theo looked to her left to see a tall boy with honey blonde hair and a very pale face. He wasn't looking too good, but that's not what Theo was focusing on. Her eyes went immediately to the white scar across his cheek.

"Don't be like that, Remus. We always sit here. She's up anyway." Sirius, Theo noted, spoke very differently when he was not out of breath or speaking to his mother. _His mother…_

Suddenly, Theo wanted to run for her life. She ran into his mother at the station and upset her more than Theo thought possible. He had to talk his mother down, which Theo could only assume would not be a pleasant experience if her show at the station was anything to go by. He must hate her already. Thankfully he didn't seem to recognize her, but she wanted to be anywhere but here when he figured it out.

"Yea Remus, it's not a big deal." A fourth voice was chiming in from her right, and her head whipped around to a shorter, pudgier boy who was standing just a little too close to James. She was, at this point, surrounded by these four boys. Two in front, Remus to her left, Peter to her right, all looking at her. She was red again, she was sure.

"What are you waiting for? Move," Sirius said. He moved around the desk and shoved her out of the way to sit in the seat she was previously occupying, causing her to stumble. It was not a hard push. It was not intended to do anything but barely move her to the right, but there was the pudgy boy and his feet to her right. Pudgy Boy's feet tripped Theo up, accidentally of course, but the effect was the same and down Theo fell, face first onto the stone floor. She heard a slight crash and looked to her bag to see the ink slowly pouring out.

"Sirius!" One of the boys, probably Remus, hissed as she tried to stand and get out of her current position as soon as possible. She felt the familiar sting of tears behind her eyes and swallowed hard to force it down. When she finally made it to her feet, she looked around and saw that more people had entered the room while she wasn't looking and all of them had their eyes on her. The stinging behind her eyes grew more intense as she fought back the tears and moved to the very front of the room. Plopping down in the seat farthest to the right, she inspected her bag.

The ink had gotten onto _everything_ and Theo was suddenly unsure if she would be able to hold back the tears. There was a spell for this, right? But now she doesn't have any ink. How was she supposed to take notes without any ink? What was the stupid spell called anyway? Why was everything already so terrible when all she had done was pick a random seat?

Finally remembering the spell, she waved her wand and watched in relief as the mess cleared. The tears stopped trying to push their way forward, and for a little while she felt like maybe she could do this. She hadn't cried yet, which was no small feat. She was pleased to find that they were not taking notes in Charms today, and instead had a practical review of what they'd already learned. Theo began to feel slightly better, knowing that she was actually quite good at charms, and finding that she was up to speed with the rest of the class.

When that class ended she looked at her schedule and saw that she had Herbology next. She had no clue at all where she was going, and had not done as the fair Isabel suggested, so she found that she was at a bit of a loss. She looked around, hoping to catch the eye of someone who could help her, and instead made eye-contact with Sirius, who quickly looked away. Theo felt her stomach drop. Already, there was someone who didn't like her.

But in that moment it didn't matter, because the classroom was almost empty now and she needed help desperately, so she plowed forward. Rather quickly she caught up to the four boys she had the joys of meeting, and she lightly tapped the shoulder of the tallest one. Remus, wasn't it?

"Excuse me?" He turned and looked at her, confusion dancing across his features. She swallowed again. "I um, I don't know where I'm going."

He smiled and fell back into step with her, taking her schedule into his hand without a word and looking it over while they walked behind his friends. His friends glanced back, shot her a look, and went back to talking like it never happened. From here Theo noticed a few things. Remus was definitely taller than all of them, but Sirius and James were not far behind. Pudgy Boy, however, was much shorter. She noticed that sometimes Sirius and James would walk a little too quickly, notice their shorter friend fall behind, and slow their pace so that he could keep up easier. Theo smiled slightly, finding it cute that they noticed something like that.

"We have almost the same schedule," Remus muttered as he continued looking it over. "Today your schedule is the same as mine, so if you'd like to just follow me that's fine. Tomorrow, though, I have Ancient Runes while you have Divination, so I won't be able to help you with that. But my friends Sirius and James have it."

Theo physically cringed at the idea of trying to talk to the handsome boys in front of her who seemed to already dislike her. They seemed a little arrogant to her, but if she looked like them, she figured she would be too. She also noted with a little bit of annoyance that they were quite good at charms, and were very aware of this fact as well. She didn't want to ask them for help, not really sure they'd be willing to give it in the first place.

"I'm Remus, by the way. I'm sorry about my friend. He's a little careless sometimes. You're Theodosia, right?" Theo took a second to realize that he was still talking to her, and hadn't immediately gone back to his friends. She also cringed involuntarily at her full name.

"Yea, how did you know that?"

"I saw you get sorted. I thought you looked a little old to be a first year."

"I would certainly hope so," she snorted. Remus laughed, she liked his laugh.

"So where are you from?" Ah yes, the accent. She hadn't thought much about that little fact when she realized she would be going to school in a different country. She should have anticipated everyone would notice.

"America, my family moved here for work." Theo was proud of herself for throwing it out in the open before someone else had a chance to surprise her with the question like they had the last time. She hoped this time she seemed more trustworthy.

"That's amazing. Do you like it here?"

"Yea, I guess. I haven't really been here long, though." They continued like that, making small talk as she was led out of the castle and onto the grounds. The grounds were absolutely beautiful in the daylight. The lake was glistening, the mountains towered over them. The Forbidden Forest looked large and imposing and so very different from anything Theo had ever experienced in her entire life. Theo grew up in the city. Not just any city, but a city in the flattest part of the world. There was very little to the nature that Theo was surrounded by, and had yet to experience anything so wonderful or intimidating.

Greenhouse 3 was rather cramped and physical contact could not be avoided, which upset Theo more than she wanted to admit. If she tried to inch away from one person she ran into another. The whole experience left Theo in a constant state of unease and caused her to jump if someone moved too suddenly or accidentally brush past her. This wouldn't have been so terrible, if James and Sirius were not shooting her such amused glances from across the table. She felt her face heat up again in embarrassment, especially when she noticed that Remus was not next to her anymore but was with them again.

This class, much like Charms, required a lot more practical application than it did note taking, and Theo was grateful for it as she still was without ink. However, Theo knew without a shadow of a doubt that she and Herbology did not mix well. She found the topic fascinating, but not quite as fascinating as literally anything else, and that showed in her work.

As soon as class was over she bolted from the greenhouse, trying to get away from all the touching and the talking and everything that was making her feel like she was going to be swallowed whole and waited outside for Remus so that she could follow him to their next class, which was Transfiguration. To her delight he popped out rather quickly and she didn't have to wait long, but his friends were with him, and she was unwilling to impose on him any further so she hung back a little further and tried not to look at him too much in fear that his friends might have something to say about it.

Professor McGonagall taught Transfiguration, Theo knew, but she didn't seem present when they arrived. Instead, a tabby cat was sitting on the desk, watching the students with a critical eye, as if daring them to try anything while the teacher was not present. James and Sirius seemed to take this as a challenge, and actually attempted something on the teacher's chair though from her seat Theo could not at all tell what it was. A few muttered incantations, a few waves of the wands, and the boys were back in their seats smirking to themselves. Theo found herself rather curious as to what they were attempting to do and whether or not the rather stern witch would even be fooled, but she never got to find out.

When the bell rang, the cat leaped off the table and smoothly transitioned into Professor McGonagall. Immediately she fixed the two boys with a hard stare. The class was silent as they watched in anticipation. James and Sirius had gone rather pale, all amusement gone from their face.

"That will be ten points each," was all McGonagall said on the topic before waving her wand at her chair and began the lesson. "Can anyone tell me what transformation I just performed?"

Theo noticed her red headed roommate raise her hand rather excitedly, but she was the only one. McGonagall looked around, as if testing to see if anyone else would answer. Theo, in a moment of pure stupidity, raised her hand slowly.

"Yes, Miss Clarke?" She saw her turn in her seat to look at her, as if in shock that she wasn't the only one with an answer. Theo felt stupid for raising her hand in the first place, especially if it upset her roommate.

"It was an Animagus transformation, right?"

"Very good," McGonagall smiled. "Ten points to Gryffindor."

The lesson continued, as she felt other student glance at her while McGonagall's back was turned. Theo was cursing her luck that she had gotten this far in the day without taking notes and was caught in the last class before lunch. Because of this, Theo merely watched as McGonagall spoke, a feeling of guilt and dread filling her as she just sat there while others scribbled away enthusiastically. This feeling intensified tenfold when she saw McGonagall rest her piercing gaze on her empty paper.

"Miss Clarke, do you not find this material important enough to take notes on?" Theo felt more than saw all the eyes on her and she was sure she heard a familiar snicker from behind her. She felt herself shrinking under their gazes, wishing the chair would just swallow her whole.

"N-no ma'am, I just don't have any ink." More snickers echoed throughout the crowd.

"And why is that?"

"I was um…" Theo saw other students looking at her expectantly. Most of them were also in her Charms class, and probably knew exactly why she was without ink. She wondered how they would feel if she explained exactly why she was in this position, and decided she didn't want to find out. It had been an accident, after all, and Theo didn't want Gryffindor to lose any more points if McGonagall was not very forgiving. "I tripped earlier today and have not had a chance to run back to my dorm for more."

"I see. Please see me after class, Miss Clarke." The lesson resumed as normal for everyone else, but Theo felt like dying. This was not the day she wanted to be having. She certainly had not expected much for her first day, but she had hoped to remain anonymous and unnoticeable and so far the exact opposite was happening.

Theo didn't get up when the bell rang, and waited for everyone to file out before she went to the front of the room where McGonagall was erasing the board.

"Would you like me to do that, ma'am?" McGonagall seemed shocked, if the look on her face was anything to go by. It was gone as soon as it appeared though, and McGonagall just shook her head.

"No thank you, I think I can manage." She finished with the board before setting the eraser down and turning to look at Theodosia Clarke, Dumbledore's newest fascination.

"How has your first day gone?"

Why did everyone have to ask that? It was terrible. It was bound to be terrible, like every other first day was, and it was probably going to get worse from here. What were they expecting? Anyone who looked at her could tell she wasn't the friend making, easy to talk to type of person. It didn't take much to figure out that her first day was probably didn't go well, especially after being called out in front of the whole class.

"It's been ok, thank you for asking, ma'am. I'm sorry about not taking notes. I will ask someone else if I can copy." McGonagall looked Theo over, as if trying to determine something just by looking.

"Will you really?" Theo's face went warm. Of course she probably wouldn't, she didn't have anyone to ask. Maybe Remus, but she didn't want to get too close to him if his friends were around and she didn't want to bother him twice in one day. He was already so nice and she didn't want to burden him anymore. She didn't know anyone else, and her roommates still didn't speak to her so they weren't an option either. It was probably safe to say that Theo would never get her hands on these notes, and from the way McGonagall was looking at her, she already knew that.

"Miss Clarke, I've had the pleasure of speaking to one of your professors from Ilvermorny, and he had nothing but good things to say about you."

She didn't have to ask to know which professor. Theo had enjoyed the company of her Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Mr. Mulaney, and he seemed rather fond of her too. He was, she thought, the only one who enjoyed helping her with her homework, and was always giving her extra practice in the areas where she needed it. She found out quickly that there were some areas of magic within which she was very skilled, and others which she was not. Transfiguration and Potions were far and above her best subjects, while Herbology and DADA left a lot to be desired. Everything else she was more than capable in.

She worked hard to achieve the grades she got in all of her classes, and was almost top of her class at Ilvermorny, but most teachers still were not fond of her. She often found herself either dozing off during classes or daydreaming, which most teachers found rather offensive, and had gotten her a few detentions from one of the harsher professors. Before she left she had heard some of the rumors about her incident and many of them believed that she attacked out of anger for the professor since not two days before, said professor had given her a week's worth of detention for dozing off again.

"I'm glad he thinks so highly of me."

"Indeed he does. He did express some worry over your well-being however. He was worried that you might have issues adjusting." Theo felt herself blush, out of rage or embarrassment she wasn't sure, but she knew she was upset. He didn't think she could make friends? She probably couldn't but found the fact that even a _professor_ was worried about her capability was more than a little humiliating. _And hurtful,_ her mind also supplied.

"I'm sorry he feels that way." McGonagall seemed to think before speaking again, and when she did her words were slow and careful.

"I hope you know you can come to me if anything or anyone is bothering you, Miss Clarke." Theo was taken aback by this simple gesture. Mulaney and said the same thing two years ago, but that had been different. That was one Professor whose aid she sought almost daily. He was the closest thing she had to a friend at that school, and she only started feeling that way after six months of talking to him. No other professor had ever expressed an interest in her well-being, so to hear this woman offer something like this shocked her into speechlessness.

"Thank you professor, I appreciate it. I do have a question though," she trailed off, unsure if she really wanted to ask it or not, but decided it was too late to turn back.

"I have been curious about this for a while… but I was wondering if it were possible for me to become an Animagus?"

Whatever the elder woman expected, it certainly wasn't that. She stared at Theo, again with that calculating gaze but Theo knew what she was looking for this time: sincerity.

"And why, Miss Clarke, would you want to do that?" McGonagall was very good at hard gazes, the kinds that urge you to be honest and forthcoming, but also warned you of the consequences. Theo suddenly felt very unsure. She didn't know why this was what she wanted, she simply knew that it was a difficult thing, a challenge. She like a challenge and she knew that this class did not yet pose one for her.

"I'm not sure what you're looking for, Professor, but I just thought that it would something worth studying."

"I see. And you are aware of the risks, Miss Clarke?"

"I am, ma'am. It is not just a passing fancy; I've looked into it for the past two years. I just thought, that since you are an Animagus, you could help me."

Professor McGonagall continued to study Theo, searching and calculating. Theo knew almost certainly that the answer would be no and that would be the end of that. Theo was incredibly young, after all, and she has yet to give this woman any reason to trust her. She thought that maybe if she brought it up now, and proved her mettle in the years to come, that maybe she would have a chance if she asked again in a few years. So it came as a huge shock when McGonagall nodded.

"I will, of course, have to speak to the headmaster but if this is something you are truly interested in, then I will assist you. It takes a great deal of work and determination. If you are not dedicated, I will not help you. Am I understood?" Theo could not help the smile that spread across her face; it nearly cut it in half she was sure. She could not believe that her professor was agreeing! She didn't even notice that she began bouncing up and down until McGonagall put up a hand for her to stop. "However, there is one condition."

Theo's stomach dropped instantly. "What is it?"

"You must not let this get in the way of your studies. I will keep in contact with all of your professors and if any of them say that you have been slacking in your classes, then we will cease lessons until you get back on track. Is that understood?

Theo nodded enthusiastically, sure that if she kept it up her head would bob right off but she didn't care. Never in Theo's wildest dreams had she thought that a professor would actually agree to something like this, especially when she was the one asking. She promised in that moment to make McGonagall proud.

"Thank you Professor! I promise I won't let you down!" With that she sprinted out of the room and down the hall, not even taking the time to realize that she had no idea where she was going. She didn't care; she just wanted to shout from the rooftops that for once, something was going incredibly right!

Nothing could get Theo down for the rest of the day. Defense Against the Dark Arts with an old man who looked like he'd never spent a day outside his house? Nope, not even a little bit. A History of Magic a professor whose voice was as dead and lifeless as he was? Not a chance. Getting tripped by some boy from her transfiguration class? Ha! She learned her lesson and had put protective charms on her ink bottles, so when she hit the floor, nothing shattered.

The day was going great. It was fantastic. It was probably the only time she'd ever been happy in school, she noted.

 _Except maybe that one time…_

Theo shook her head violently. This was nothing like that. Nothing about this could go wrong, she was sure of it. She felt herself glide through the halls, dutifully following Remus and not even caring about the looks his friends were sending her, because honestly even their distaste for her couldn't even ding the surface of her good mood. Instead of looking away, she would just smile and wave and they would glare harder as if they actually thought their approval was what she needed to be happy.

 _It certainly wouldn't hurt,_ a voice whispered in her head. It was right, of course. She was aware that when the novelty wore off she would be back to where she was before, and their glares would actually hurt her feelings. She knew that carriage had to turn back into a pumpkin eventually, but she would enjoy the ride while it lasted.

It was during this wonderful mood she had actually plucked up the courage to ask her roommate for her notes that she missed. She learned her name was Lily, and she had a great deal of dislike for the boys that had tripped her up earlier in the day.

"I can't believe Black did that," she muttered as she dug through her bag for her notes. They were sitting in the common room during their free period before lunch. Lily had been studying, so Theo thought now was as good a time as any to ask.

"Who?"

"The boy that tripped you," she said as she handed Theo the notes, who quickly began copying.

"Oh, right. Yea I don't think he meant for me to fall. It was just an accident."

"Yea right, he's a menace, him and all his friends." Theo looked up at that. Sure, they seemed to like trouble, but Theo doubted that they actually meant to hurt anyone. Especially Remus, who had helped her just a few hours ago and even tried to get his friends to back off.

"Do they pick on you?" Theo thought that maybe that was the reason for her distaste towards the boys, seeing as they hadn't really done anything wrong.

"No, but they pick on my friend. They're absolutely terrible."

"Why do they pick on him?" Lily shot Theo a scathing look but Theo barely noticed, still copying the notes.

"Because… because they're arrogant prats, that's why!" Theo looked up again and saw that Lily looked rather put out. It wasn't anger, entirely, though that was definitely part of it. No, there was something more to it. They probably had a better reason than the need to be arrogant prats, but Lily needed to defend her friend so Theo didn't question it further.

"So what are all of their names? Sirius Black and who else?"

"James Potter, he's the one with the glasses. Remus Lupin, he's the tallest. And Peter Pettigrew, he's the short one. They all run around the school, wreaking havoc and picking on innocent first years. They're doing it right now!"

A quick glance to Theo's right showed that the four boys were, in fact, surrounding a smaller girl, but something seemed off. The girl didn't look scared. In fact, she looked rather excited, like she was waiting for orders or something of the like.

"I don't think that's it."

"Why do you keep defending them? They're the reason McGonagall called you out during class and are now short a bottle of ink!" Theo wouldn't say she disliked Lily Evans, but she found rather quickly that she wasn't horribly fond of her company. She seemed to look over certain details when it came to those boys, since she didn't seem to notice the smile that was crossing the girl's face as she skipped out of the portrait hole. Overall she seemed rather quick to judge, especially since Theo wasn't really trying to defend the boys as she was trying to maintain a neutral position.

"I didn't mean to upset you, Lily." Theo finished copying the notes and pulled out her Herbology book. Professor Sprout had not yet assigned any homework, but if she was going to stay on top of her coursework she was going to need to start right away. She had made it abundantly clear in class that she was absolutely terrible at the subject, seeing as she made a bit of a mess with the mandrakes and actually dropped her own.

They sat silently across from one another, both looking over their notes and reading the chapters that had yet to be assigned. While she didn't enjoy Lily's company, she hoped that at the very least they could tolerate one another enough to prevent any animosity. Theo couldn't be horribly picky about who she spent time with, and definitely didn't want to be on anyone's bad side, least of all her roommate's.

When it was finally time for dinner, Theo and Lily put their things away and walked to the Great Hall together. Lily asked a few basic questions like where Theo was from and why she came here. She asked about what school was like in America and Theo tried to make it sound like she wasn't an outcast. She wasn't really sure if she succeeded or not but hoped that the show was at least a little convincing.

The more they spoke the more obvious it was that Theo and Lily were not meant to be friends. Lily was a lot more uptight than Theo was, for one. Everything had a place and everything was in that place. Any sort of disorder made her upset, which would explain some of her distaste for the merry band of mischief makers they had spoken about earlier. Lily was also very outspoken, which Theo admired, but it intimidated her more than anything else.

And finally, Lily was a surprisingly close minded person. Not so much in the sense that she outwardly discriminated against anyone, but she had opinions that she was not willing to let go of. A brief discussion about Divination made that abundantly clear. Theo had simply mentioned that she had Divination the next day, and Lily was off about how it was a load of nonsense. Why she thought this, Theo had no clue. She had not taken a class on it yet, as students started that their third year, but she seemed to feel very strongly about how "absolutely ridiculous and farfetched" it was.

Theo resisted the urge to point out the fact that magic itself was a strange mix of ridiculousness and science itself, with a little bit of farfetched thrown in for fun. Magic, like any no-maj subject, could be analyzed and learned, but it had its limits. After a certain point, one simply had to give into the belief that anything was possible and let their magic prove its worth. Lily was less of this opinion than Theo, and Theo did not have the energy to argue the point. Again, she did not want to upset the only roommate that was actually speaking to her.

When they got into the straight hall, Theo began following Lily to one of the tables but Lily stopped her.

"I'm actually heading to sit at the Slytherin table with one of my friends. I don't think it's a good idea for you to come." Theo's perpetual good mood had been waning, but was thoroughly dashed when Lily said that. Theo knew they weren't best friends or anything of the sort, but had thought that maybe Lily wouldn't find her completely revolting. Apparently, that was not the case. Lily spoke again, rather panicked.

"I don't mean I don't want to sit with you! It's just that Gryffindors and Slytherins don't get along, I thought you wouldn't want to sit there since I'd be the only one you knew." Theo felt herself relax, easing back into a state of contentment.

"Oh I see, thanks for the warning. I'll find someone else to sit with." At that moment a familiar hand shot into the air and was waving frantically at her from further down the Slytherin table. She recognized Isabel and her friends right away, and smiled as she made her way to the seat next to her new acquaintance. Who really cared what table she sat at?

"Hey, I was wondering when you were going to get here. I've been saving you a seat!" Isabel seemed to be a good mood, Theo noticed. Siren did as well, but Black Eyes jabbed at her plate like it had spat on her shoes.

"You did? Why?" This was apparently the wrong thing to say, because Black Eyes' head shot up to give Theo the nastiest look she'd ever seen.

"Well if you don't want it then just go and stop wasting our time." Theo was taken aback by the outburst, not used to people snapping at her like that. It wasn't hatred, more of a cold and violent distaste, as if seeing Theo was the same as eating a food that would make her sick.

"Claire, knock it off! She didn't mean anything by it!" Claire went back to attacking her food, taking out her frustration on the already abused piece of chicken. "Don't mind her she's just had a rough day. Herbology didn't go very well…"

"I hate that bloody class. Why do we have to take it anyway? And why did we have to deal with screaming plants of all things?!" The chicken suffered greatly for that one, and was torn to pieces almost instantly.

"I dropped mine and it screamed so loud I nearly fainted." Claire looked up at her then, distaste completely absent. Instead it was a look of understanding, and a little bit of relief.

"You hate that class too?" She sounded hopeful, like she had been alone in this endeavor before and was excited to finally find a partner in her plight.

"It's ridiculous and more than a little boring. Not only that but I'm terrible at it." Theo went to scoop some steamed vegetables onto her plate but a hand on her knee brought her attention back to the three girls around her. Claire, for the first time since Theo had the pleasure of meeting her, was actually smiling. It wasn't a small smile, but a wide smile that stretched from ear to ear.

"This is brilliant! What subjects do you like?" Claire was on the edge of her seat and Theo suddenly felt very self-conscious. No one had ever hung on her words like Claire was at this moment, and no one ever looked at her with that much affection.

"Oh uh… Transfiguration is my favorite, but I also like potions a lot." Claire's smile got wider if that were possible.

"This is great!"

"It is?"

"Anna and I are very interested in Herbology. It's out favorite subject. It's been hard for Claire because she really likes Transfiguration, but we hate it and most people in our house prefer Defense Against the Dark Arts." Theo finally remembered that there was a hand on her knee and for the first time noticed that it was Isabel's. She was smiling fondly at Theo, and Theo found she couldn't breathe. She would do anything for Isabel to keep looking at her like that for just a bit longer.

"But now you're here! Us against them! I know you're in Gryffindor but that's ok, we'll manage."

Theo tried hard to remember the last time she was this happy. There were three girls who wanted to sit with her, talk to her, and spend time with her. They _liked_ her. They were all smiling and laughing like she'd been their friend for years. They wanted to be her friend and more than that, she wanted to be their friend too. This, Theo noted, had never really happened before. This was all uncharted territory and Theo knew there were many ways for this to go wrong but she didn't care. She was just happy that for the first time in years, she had friends.


	4. Chapter 3: Of Muggles and Purebloods

**Chapter 3: Of Muggles and Purebloods**

There were a few things Theo noticed about James Potter, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, and Sirius Black.

 **Observation One:** They were a rather careless bunch. This became obvious to Theo right away, after her fiasco in charms as well as their failed attempt at pranking their professor. However, after the first few months it became more pronounced that when the prank (or really anything they did) was not big and well thought out it was executed with little regard for possible mishaps and consequences.

 **Observation Two:** They were very close to one another. They rarely left each-other's side and when they did there was always a grand goodbye (namely when Remus and Peter went to Ancient Runes, leaving James and Sirius to Divination). Sirius and James were especially close, and very brotherly. Peter hung onto their coat tails, but they cared for him. They were not above teasing the boy, but there were obvious lines that they never crossed and they always helped him. They stood up for him too, making sure no one messed with their friend.

 **Observation Three:** Sirius Black and James Potter were the heart throbs of Hogwarts. They were even popular amongst a few fourth and fifth years, Theo noted with amusement when she heard a few of them giggling about the duo. However, while James seemed to bask in the glory of being a school idol, and even egged them on when possible, Sirius did not seem to care one way or the other. Girls would giggle and smile causing James to shoot flirtatious winks and suggestive smiles, while Sirius just sat there and didn't seem to notice. This did not mean that Sirius did not do big, grand things; it just meant that he did them for himself, and not others.

 **Observation Four:** Remus Lupin was a very sweet boy who should not be let anywhere near a cauldron. Theo found this out during their first potions class. She had walked with her friends from lunch just as she said she would, and was about to sit with the fair Isabel when Remus Lupin walked up to her and asked with no small amount of blushing if she would be his partner, as none of his friends wanted the job. Isabel smiled encouragingly ("making friends in your house is always a good idea") and off Theo went to help the natural disaster that was Remus Lupin.

 **Observation Five:** Peter Pettigrew was an observant boy who did not seem to know his worth. Theo did not know the boy well at all, but she noticed instantly that he was what she called a watcher. The interesting thing about watchers was that they always noticed other watchers. This is why Theo noticed right away that he felt insecure about his place with the other three boys. He was reluctant to make jokes unless he knew what kind of reaction he'd get, which often manifested in him either playing heavily off of James or simply repeating jokes. He wasn't as talented as the other three, which completely dashed his hopes when he didn't get a spell right on the first try. Theo noted that when he knew something, he knew it incredibly well, and when he didn't his anxiety and insecurity caused him to fumble. She knew that Peter watched her like she watched him, in the sense that they kept tabs on everyone in the room. She didn't think she wanted to know what he thought of her.

 **Observation Six:** James Potter and Sirius Black were smarter than anyone with such a wicked sense of fun ought to be. This was problematic for any of their chosen victims, which usually consisted of Slytherins. One in particular seemed to get under their skin more than anyone else: Severus Snape. This was Lily's Slytherin friend and the reason for Lily's blatant distaste for the boys. They never missed an opportunity to hex, humiliate, or harass the poor boy into oblivion. Watching the way they treated him made Theo incredibly uncomfortable because they were clever and efficient in their actions, making picking on the boy incredibly effective. Theo was right in thinking that Snape was actually doing something to incur their wrath, and that was never missing a beat to return the favor. But where James and Sirius were going for humiliation, Snape seemed to be going for bodily harm. Each interaction was unpleasant to watch. Slytherins weren't the only ones to suffer their wrath, however. This brings Theo to her final observation.

 **Observation Seven:** James Potter and Sirius Black did not like Theodosia Clarke. This was a well-known fact, as they often found ways to upset her and humiliate her. It wasn't the same as Snape, because there were lines which they did not cross. They never tried to insult her quite like they did him, but they still made her life far more difficult than she wanted it to be.

She realized only in the last few days that the cause for their distaste was caused by two things: her friendship with three Slytherins and her friendship with Remus Lupin. Apparently, this whole discord between the houses was a little greater than just some house rivalry. Theo found that it was a difference in beliefs and values, which led to nasty competitions between the two houses. It was due to these differences that Sirius Black and James Potter hated Slytherins and anyone who associated with them. So naturally, this included Theo.

The discourse over Remus Lupin was much harder for Theo to understand. Of course she could follow their train of thought perfectly. They don't like Slytherins ideals, so they don't like Slytherins. If people are friends with Slytherins, then they must have similar ideals, and must also be disliked. If someone with the same ideals was influencing one of their friends, then it stands to reason that they would dislike that person. However, Theo and Remus have had very few conversations. 'Friends' was far too strong a word for what she and Remus were. They were partners in potions, in which Theo did her best to help Remus understand why things like Salamander Blood and Asphodel were not to be mixed.

However, Remus's friends saw the whole thing differently and after hitting her with the jelly-legs jinx and running off screaming "that's what you get for trying to steal Remus from us" there was little room for doubt. Theo was incredibly upset by this whole thing, but not as upset as she was with some of the other boys of Gryffindor house, and even some girls, who had taken to calling her "Stretch Mark Clarke". Theo's roommate situation had not improved after a month either, and may have gotten worse between her and Lily when Lily ranted about how terrible James Potter was and Theo asked if she was harboring feelings for the boy. Lily's response was to hex Theo into next week (she had no idea Lily knew how to make her armpit hair grow to the floor) and Theo had to sulk to the Slytherin common room to ask Isabel for help.

Theo began to notice, after spending more time with the girls from Slytherin, exactly what separated people in Slytherin from the people in the other houses. Slytherins were ambitious, more than anything else, and this manifested differently in each person. However, there tended to be a common theme amongst them, and that was that they all wanted to be better than other people. Some just wanted to work hard and prove that they are worth more, some wanted power over others, some wanted more money than anyone else, and others wanted all of these things.

It was due to this need to be better that many Slytherins found themselves exerting power over others by making fun of those they found inferior, or flaunting their power in some gaudy fashion or another. Theo found that while she disliked many Slytherins, there were others she was rather fond of.

Isabel Greengrass, Theo found out, was this thing called a pureblood. This meant she came from a long line of wizards who also came from a long line of wizards and more than once the lines they came from were the same. Isabel was fond of being a pureblood, and even fonder of the power it gave her. It ensured her a future, and ensured that she would be a gifted witch. Isabel didn't exert her power over others like other Slytherins tended to do. It was much more subtle, and often geared at those in her house. When Theo asked why she had said, "It's no fun winning if you're the only one playing".

Claire Parkinson was also a pureblood, but a little different than Isabel. She and Theo got along well, but Claire had little to no issue exerting her power over anyone and everyone. Isabel would call her out, and Claire would occasionally back off if she felt that the situation benefitted her. Theo rarely said anything to stop Claire, but when she did Claire listened. Claire had grown attached to Theo in the time that they had been friends, constantly claiming that "it's us against them". Theo often wondered why it was her that Claire and had decided to call her own, but was grateful for it. They told each other everything, a great deal of which revolved around her older brother. He had graduated and was already married to another pureblood.

"He's married and he hasn't even turned twenty! He'll have a kid soon; I'll be an aunt before I even finish school! How am I supposed to be an aunt?"

"It won't be your kid, though."

"No, but that doesn't matter. I don't know where I'd be if it wasn't for my Aunt Cathy. Everything is just so messed up in our family, and that little kid is going to need someone to point them in the right direction. His wife doesn't have any siblings. I'll be the only that kid has really got…"

"You don't trust your brother to raise his own kid?"

"No, not after the upbringing we've had. I go along with it, but he really believes that nonsense. I mean don't get me wrong, I like being a part of an important family, but I think the reason we're important is ridiculous."

And then there was Anna Hart. Anna was a half-blood who knew very little about anything outside of the British countryside. Anna was a very curious girl who had a lot of misguided notions. She apparently believed that all Americans lived on fast food, and was shocked when Theo explained that it wasn't the case. This explained her odd question when they first met, but that was not the last one she asked. Sometime Isabel would scold her, saying she asked too many for one day but Theo didn't mind. She found it funny most of the time. Anna had ambition like the other two, but was not keen on throwing power around that, she felt, meant nothing. Anna believed that true power was something someone earned and was not born with, which went against what the other girls were raised to think.

They complemented one another nicely, balancing each other out. Isabel would tell Theo during late nights when the others fell asleep that she was the one thing they were missing.

"You really do bring us back to earth sometimes, Theo. I don't know what we'd do without you."

"You'd keep doing what you were doing before. You don't need me."

"You don't give yourself enough credit."

"You give me way too much."

Theo's favorite nights were the nights spent with her friends in Slytherin. It was her safe place, really. No one messed with her as long as she had a Greengrass and a Parkinson on her side. In Gryffindor house it was much less safe for her, as many didn't like her. She wasn't sure what she did, exactly, but she knew that if anyone felt differently about her they certainly weren't making themselves known. The hurtful nickname had spread around like wildfire, and nearly everyone in her year had taken to it. It was for this reason that Theo either hid in her room or in Slytherin during her free time.

Her friends had no idea about the nickname, and Theo was glad for that. A first year accidentally tripped her once and Claire nearly hexed the poor kid into next Tuesday before Theo dove in front of her to keep the kid safe. They were fiercely protective of one another, and Theo was protective of them. Potter and Black had hexed Theo many times, and Theo took it in stride, simply asking Isabel or one of the others for help. One time even Remus helped her when a particularly nasty one was sent at her during Potions.

Theo never retaliated to any of the cruel things others did to her, partially because she didn't even know what she would do, but mostly because she didn't want to keep giving them reasons to dislike her. She felt wronged, to a certain extent, but she also felt like if she were better in some way or another, they wouldn't feel the need to turn on her like they did.

All of these things combined sent her friends into frenzy. They could not understand how Theo took all of it lying down, and would get mad when she went so far as to _defend_ the people that were making her life a living hell. They'd tell her that she was brilliant and beautiful and smart and talented and should "show those gits what she's made of!" If Theo disagreed with anything they said they'd get even more frustrated. Claire would lose patience the quickest, shouting in French (apparently something all purebloods speak) and storming off while the other two attempted to convince Theo of her worth. Theo would smile and thank them and leave early to go literally anywhere but there.

When November rolled around, strange things were beginning to happen. The first strange thing was the fact that McGonagall apparently expected Theo to carry a mandrake leaf around in her mouth for a whole month. This was not something Theo was at all excited about, especially since she swallowed it a couple times during the first week trying to find a way to eat around it. Theo learned quickly that she was going to be on a primarily liquid diet for the remainder of the month.

Another strange thing was that Remus Lupin was not looking good at all. He got sick often, so he being sick wasn't the strange part. The strange part was what he asked her that day in potions.

"I'm going to visit my mother over the next few days, and I was wondering if you could get my homework for me? I'd ask one of my friends but they forgot last time." Theo only nodded, since speaking with a mandrake leaf in one's mouth was both odd sounding and difficult. Theo hadn't told her friends about how she was training to become an Animagus, and was hoping to continue keeping that information to herself for as long as she could.

Another strange thing that happened in November was her vision from Diagon Alley finally coming to life. Theo had been looking for a book to help her and Claire with their Herbology Paper when it happened. It was all verbatim, exactly how she remembered it, and picked up right where it left off.

"I didn't see you coming up with anything!"

"If you had just given me a second, I would have thought of something better than your stupid idea!"

Theo found the whole thing rather amusing, since they were still in the library and they didn't want to draw too much attention to themselves they adopted a sort of whisper yelling. It was all very comical until James spoke again.

"Look this isn't getting us anywhere. We just need to find a way to get that book. It's the only one that might have anything on Animagus transformations."

What on earth would they need that for? How would that help Moony? Who was Moony anyway?

"We're not even sure that it does."

"I know. Who would have thought that it would be this hard to find a book on it?"

Theo wanted to laugh, she really did. Of course there wasn't a book on the subject. Everyone has a different experience; there was no _right way_ to do it. There were a few necessary steps, such as the mandrake leaf and the potion (Theo didn't want to think about that part yet since she would have to be the one brewing it) but for the most part, it was a very internal and personal experience. There wouldn't be much to write on the topic at all and since most wizards didn't even bother with it, it was already fading into irrelevancy.

But they needed it to help their friend, didn't they? Theo considered maybe helping them out but decided against it. It wasn't that Theo disliked the boys. It was more that even if she tried to help she wasn't sure that she could. She was still learning herself, and was still not sure she'd ever be able to do it. She watched them march off still bickering about the book they're failed to retrieve and Theo went back to her own hunt.

The night Remus missed class she managed to finish her homework early, and decided to look over Remus's. She remembered when James and Sirius and Peter had forgotten to get him his homework because he blatantly refused to talk to them for two days. They were particularly annoying to her then because he had decided to sit with Theo and her friends one day during lunch. She remembered the essay that Slughorn wanted him to write since he missed the practical application during class and felt more than a little pity for the boy. She had made sure to get all of his homework, even for the class they didn't share, and was going to drop it off in his room tonight. There really was a lot of it.

 _Maybe I could…_

Theo remembered how some students in her class last year had taken to doing one another's homework; a sort of "I scratch your back, you scratch mine" sort of situation. They knew they had to be careful, though, because the professors would notice the different handwritings. Their solution was to charm their quills to only write in their handwriting, so if anyone else wrote with it, it would still come out the same. The remembered the spell well, since she had helped them find it.

Theo thought long and hard about whether or not this was something she should do, and in the end decided that she could write his potions essay, and if he didn't want it he didn't have to turn it in. With that plan in mind she got up from her seat in the library and made her way back to the Gryffindor common room.

She loved the Gryffindor common room as a concept. It was a place for students to come together and bond, as well as study or even hold parties if the mood struck. However, Theo never really got to experience those things, especially not in her house. People's distaste for her seemed to have plateaued and she figured she should be glad that it wasn't getting any worse. She hoped that at some point it would level out at neutral but for right now she would grind her teeth and march up to the dorm of the third year boys.

With her jaw set and her shoulders squared, she knocked far too softly for someone who wasn't supposed to be scared. There were some thuds and soft rustling for a few seconds before the door opened to reveal a very frustrated Sirius Black.

"What do you want?" Theo felt herself shrink but she didn't care, she was not here for any great show of strength.

"Can I bowwow Remush's qwill?" Theo knew she sounded incredibly strange, and the look on Sirius's face showed that he agreed. He looked at her like she was a potential threat, trying to gauge whether her request was something he would be willing to follow through on.

"You want to borrow his quill?" Theo nodded. "Don't you have your own? Why do you need his?"

"I wanna wite hish potions eshay sho he wouldn' have sho much wok when he gah back, but I nee hish qwill sho I can charm it to copy hish handwiting." Sirius looked at her like she was giving him a headache.

"You want to write his potions essay? We didn't get an essay."

"He did becaush he mished clash."

"Oh, right." There was a pregnant pause where Sirius seemed to be considering whether or not to give in to the strange girl who talked funny and asked for his friend's quill.

"Hey Potter, c'mere," Sirius shouted over his shoulder. A second later James was in the doorway. "Clarke wants to charm Remus's quill so that she can write his potions essay for him. What do you think?"

James looked her up and down for a second, seeming to be working something out in his head.

"He's not going to like that," James said finally.

"Thash fine, I still wanna wite it in cashe he wantsh it. He sheemsh weally ti'ed after he mishes clash."

"Why are you talking like that? You haven't always talked like that."

"Mandrake leaf," Sirius responded before Theo could come up with a suitable lie. She looked at him in shock, and he responded with a raised brow as if daring her to disagree. She nodded instead.

"What? Why would you…" Realization seemed to dawn on James face, catching up to where Sirius already was. Theo resisted the urge to run for the hills, knowing that two boys who were looking into Animagi would know exactly why she might be carrying a mandrake leaf in her mouth.

"How did you know that?" James had turned his critical gaze to Sirius, who just shot James a lazy smile in return.

"Peter told us. Don't you listen to anything he says Jamie?" James shot Sirius a warning look before turning back to Theo.

"You know a charm that can do that?" Theo nodded. "Can you teach us?"

Theo hesitated for a second. The pros of this were that maybe, if she did them this favor they would lay off of her for a little bit and not make her life a living hell. The cons were that maybe they might still do all of that while also giving them a new weapon to terrorize the school with.

"I don' fink thash a good idea…"

"You don't trust us?" Sirius was sending her a wicked smirk, already knowing the answer and all of the reasons why the answer was no. However, that smirk also looked like the smirk of a person who was about to get what he wants. Theo shook her head anyway.

"Say Sirius, how many people do you think know about Clarke's newest academic pursuit?"

"I don't think anyone knows, James."

"Achually, I'm shtudying wif pwofeshor McGonagaw." Theo was amazed at how hard it was to say her professor's name with such an obvious obstruction in her mouth, but they got the picture, their faces falling as they realized they didn't actually have a leg up on her. She smiled triumphantly.

"Yea, yea, laugh while you can Clarke," Sirius said as he turned back into the room. James stayed in the doorway, glaring at her with a great deal of distaste. She once again wondered why they disliked her so much. Her interactions with them were so limited she could count them on one hand. This brought her to four. However, despite their distaste, Sirius still returned with a quill that she could only assume was Remus's.

"Wash he the lasht one to ushe it?" Sirius nodded. "Ok, shank you." Theo turned and had made it all of one step when James said something that seemed to explain it all.

"Don't think this is going to make him fall in love with you or anything!" Theo didn't look back or acknowledge them at all because she was determined not to show them how much that simple line hurt her.

 _Don't think you can make her love you, Clarke! Just stay away from her you creep!_

The marched dutifully back to the library and charmed the quill. It was a surprisingly hard endeavor since speaking clearly was still not something she could do very well. Two more weeks and she was done with this hell. She was glad the boys seemed to accept that what she was doing was not a secret when to her it definitely was. Theo had made some excuse to her friends to justify her odd behavior, claiming it was an "American Thing". They seemed more than willing to accept this and for that she was grateful. However, the fact that those merry little misfits knew about it made her more than a little uneasy.

When Theo brought Remus's homework, completed and otherwise, back to the boys dorm to leave it for him, they did little more than give her a curt not and shut the door in her face. Remus thanked her for bringing him his homework, but didn't mention the potions essay. She simply figured he didn't need it, and never brought it up.

As the month wore on, Theo began to feel a bit homesick. In America, they got a few days off for Thanksgiving which was always a very welcome and very exciting break before finals rolled around. Thanksgiving for Theo's family was also a very big deal. Extended family from all over the country came to meet at her grandmother's house where they all sat around three different tables and enjoyed dinner together while they watched the football game. This would be the first year Theo would not be celebrating with her family, and had taken to walking about the grounds until curfew to avoid her friends. If they noticed anything strange going on with Theo they didn't say anything. When Theo wasn't so upset about her missed holiday she started seeing her friends regularly again like nothing had happened.

Finally the day arrived in which Theo got to take that blasted leaf out of her mouth and wondered, not for the first time, what the bloody point was. However, she did as McGonagall said and trusted that the woman was not leading her astray. Theo's lessons with her had been interesting and involved, to Theo's surprise, and great deal of meditating.

"You can't just charge into a transformation blindly, Miss Clarke. It's important that you take this time to dig deep inside yourself. Who you are determines what you'll be. You need an understanding of yourself to understand that which you will become."

Theo resisted the urge to tell the nice professor that she sounded like a fortune cookie and continued to meditate for an hour everyday with her professor. McGonagall said she joined her to get Theo in the right frame of mind, but Theo was rather certain it was because she enjoyed the act as well. Theo did love it, she had to admit. Once she'd gotten over feeling ridiculous, it became a wonderful experience and Theo understood why McGonagall still practiced it.

Overall, things were going well. She missed her family from time to time, especially as the holidays rolled around, but found that she was much more at ease here after three months than she was after two years at Ilvermorny. The bullying that she faced did not cease, but that was to be expected. Theo didn't mind most of the time because even if those people didn't like her, she had some friends who did. Her friends were still blissfully unaware and that was the way Theo wanted to keep it. But as the holidays rolled around Theo noticed a change in two of her friend's moods.

Isabel, who generally maintained a constant stream of calm happiness, had grown frustrated and twitchy. Claire, who was generally very outspoken and fiery, grew very subdued and indifferent. Anna was still relatively perky, but she had also noticed the change in her friends, and stopped getting as excited about things when Isabel shot her a glare in her direction or Claire just wasn't listening. It was the day before they were leaving for break when Theo finally cracked and asked what was wrong.

"What do you mean?" They asked in unison as if this was a coordinated dance and that question was anticipated.

"You guys have acting super weird lately, and I want to know what's up." Anna had chosen this time to sit next to Claire on her bed and rested a comforting hand on hers. It was only then that Theo noticed that Claire had taken to clenching her fists so tightly her knuckles turned white.

"It's nothing, love. Never you mind," Isabel whispered as she pushed a strand of hair behind Theo's ear. It had grown a bit since she first arrived, and the blonde highlights she had gotten from the sun over the summer were slowly fading.

"Don't push me away like that," Theo pleaded as she wrapped her arms around the brunette. Theo was short for her age, she knew, and Isabel was surprisingly tall. They were the perfect height for Isabel to rest her chin on Theo's head when they got wrapped up like this.

"I can't say no to you, can I?" Isabel chuckled as she pulled away. "It's just, going home for the holidays isn't a pleasant experience for me or Claire. We'd avoid it if we could, and we tried once, but that just made things worse..."

Claire had taken to resting her head in Anna's lap, letting Anna card through her hair. Claire rarely needed much in the way of physical comforts, but she was clearly on edge tonight.

"What do you mean?"

"There are a lot of expectations for the kids of powerful families here. I remember you saying you didn't know anyone like that back home, so I'd imagine it's a little harder for you to understand, but you've seen the movies with the princes or princesses who hate their responsibility and power and just feel trapped? It's a lot like that, sometimes."

"I thought… I thought you guys liked being a part of powerful families?"

"We… do. We reap the benefits but there are expectations that have to be met that we don't always agree with, and it's rarely ever pleasant."

"Understatement of the year," Claire mumbled from her place in Anna's lap.

"Like what? Your grades are great, your school record is clean, what more do they need?"

Claire and Isabel shot one another a meaningful look, before both nodding and turning back to Theo. Claire got up and sat on the other side of Theo slinging her arm across her friend's shoulders.

"You know it's us against them, right?" She was whispering now, like it was hard to say. Theo felt dread pool in her stomach in a way that it never had before. Theo nodded anyway.

"In pureblood society, it's believed that those who don't have 'pure blood' are considered inferior. They especially don't like people who were born from muggles, like Evans or…"

"Like me," Theo supplied, going still beneath her touch.

"Yea, like you. If our parents ever found out we were friends, they would lose it."

"Mine would probably disown me on the spot," Isabel muttered more to herself than anyone else, but Theo still felt the words. Theo realized in that moment that she was different from these girls in more ways than she originally thought. They had this world and a whole life planned out for them, one that eventually did not include Theo. Theo was a passing fancy, something to pass the time with while they could still get away with breaking the rules, but eventually they would have to drop her, and she'd be left with nothing.

"I see. I'm sorry you guys have such a hard time with you families." This was true, but Theo was still a little bitter. What was she to them? Before she had been sure that they were best friends, that nothing could come between them, but now she felt like everything was fickle and temporary. She felt like their love and affection had an expiration date and Theo had no idea when it was. One day she was going to be left alone again and she began to wonder for the first time if making friends was worth it if she only ever lost them in the end.

"I mean it's not like they beat us into submission," Isabel laughed. She was trying to diffuse the tension, but didn't see to find it funny at all.

"Speak for yourself," Claire shot back. Her arm tightened around Theo, as if doing so would give her strength. Theo hoped that she did give Claire strength because Claire always seemed to need it. Claire was always so on edge like she was waiting for someone to jump out at her and attack. Theo understood the feeling, as any time she was feeling particularly fond of the girls around her she became very conscious of her surrounding and waited for someone to shout "Gotcha!" it never happened, just as no one was hiding in dark corners waiting for Claire, but the both knew fear that permeated into different parts of their lives.

"No one's got it worse than Black, though." Anna had finally chimed in, coming to lay with the girls on Isabel's bed. Isabel and Claire nodded.

"What do you mean?" They had only spoken of Black in passing, and it usually referenced his treatment of Theo. This was the first time they talked about him with anything other than pure distaste.

"The Most Ancient and Noble House of Black does not suffer blood traitors well." Isabel sounded like she wanted to be making a joke, but there was no humor in it.

"What's that?"

"It's a stupid and derogatory name for purebloods that don't hold the same bigoted beliefs." Claire was squeezing her again.

"They're not that bad," Isabel tried to defend and suddenly Claire was standing.

"Comment osez vous dire que quand elle est assise ici!"

"Elle sait lui placer."

"Sa place?!"

"Vous savez que c'est vrai, qu'elle est inférieure."

"Elle est plus que jamais, vous serez!"

"I'm sorry." The two girls stopped and looked at their friend and saw something they'd never actually seen before. They had never seen Theo get overly emotional. She would take things as they came and pretended like it wasn't bothering her. She'd hold her chin high and walk like she ruled the world even though she'd be walking quickly away from everyone else. This was the first time they really saw Theo express anything and what they saw caused their hearts to tug.

Theo's eyes had gone wide as she looked between the two, bringing her arms around her like a shield as if she was expecting someone to turn on her next. She looked the very definition of a scared puppy with its tail between its legs, shaking as Anna wrapped her arms around her as if to cradle her. Anna was glaring at both of them as she tried to calm Theo down, but the shaking only got worse.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you guys fight. I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" Anna was rocking her now, still glaring daggers at Isabel over Theo's head.

"Vous deux sortir ou arrêter dès maintenant." Anna's voice was soft, but the others girls immediately backed off one another. Claire went to sit in front of Theo, hands on the other girls thighs and rubbing little circles. Theo hadn't stopped shaking.

"It wasn't you, it wasn't you. It was all us. It had nothing to do with you at all. Don't worry, ok?" Theo had never hear Claire sound so soft and gentle, and that was enough to distract her from why she was upset, even if just for a moment. Isabel was rubbing circles on her back, whispering sweet nothings about how she could never upset them. Theo didn't notice the way Claire was looking at Isabel, Theo only knew the softly spoken words that were being whispered like a prayer in her ears.

As the night dragged on, they all fell back onto the bed and stared at the green curtains above and looking for answers. Isabel and Claire had rough home lives, so much so that it actually put them on edge just thinking about returning. Theo thought about how she wouldn't be returning, and how she was more than a little glad for this fact. She loved her family more than anything, but she felt like she was the reason they fought all the time. She was the catalyst, and if she was gone they wouldn't have to worry anymore. She wondered if she did the same thing to her friends. She wondered if her friends ever felt that way too.

Theo cuddled up to Isabel, resting her head on her shoulder as they lay and thought about what was to come. This was the first time anything so serious had come up between them, and Theo didn't like that she couldn't help them. She wanted to, more than anything she wanted to put her friends at ease and tell them that everything was going to be alright. But Theo couldn't make that promise. So instead she just held Isabel as she shook, and carded her fingers through Claire's hair when her eyes went eerily blank. Anna did the same, and Theo realized that Anna had done this for two years before Theo came along. She wondered, not for the first time, what life was like for them before she entered their lives.


	5. Chapter 4: The Many Faces of Hurt

**Chapter 4: The Many Faces of Hurt**

On the last day of classes before break, Theo woke up and showered as she usually did. She hummed her favorite song like she usually did and thought about the day ahead like she usually did. She was just finishing up when she heard a loud screech from outside her stall. Theo turned off the water quickly, wrapped a towel around her and popped out to see what had happened. What she expected, she didn't know, but it certainly was not Lily Evans with bright green hair.

"How could they do this?!"

"Who?"

"Potter and his little…" Lily trailed off when she looked at Theo, and a feeling of immense dread filled her stomach once again.

"What is it," she asked cautiously, though she was sure she already knew the answer. Lily motioned for the mirror and Theo slowly went to look. She let out a scream not very different from the one Lily had let out just moments before. Her hair was _green_. And not a nice, emerald green, it was a disgusting, almost puke-green that emphasized just how pale she was and really made her pimples pop. Theo wanted to die.

"What are we going to do? This didn't happen to the other girls!" Lily was panicking, pacing back and forth like maybe sheer power of will was going to make it change back.

"What did they use? Because if it's a curse or a spell of some sort we can probably find something to counter it…" Theo was thinking if she knew any spells that manifested itself in _puke-green hair._

"No that can't be it," Lily argued as she paced faster, tugging at her hair. "They'd have to come in and cast the spell and they can't get up the stairs."

"Yea but they'd have to get up to put something in our shampoo too." Theo hadn't looked away from her reflection, as if still in shock that her hair could actually look like this. This was horrible, and by far the worst thing they've done to her yet. She wanted to cry and scream and punch something all at once.

"They probably got someone else to do it. You know how everyone _loves_ James Potter and Sirius Black!" Lily practically spit at the mention of their names and Theo found she shared the sentiment.

"I guess slipping something into our shampoo wouldn't be a hard thing for any of the girls in our house to accomplish, we're never in our rooms. But none of this helps us figure out how to fix this!" Theo was tugging at her hair now, hoping that maybe it would fall off like a wig and her strawberry blonde hair would appear once more. Never had she been more grateful for her natural hair.

"Here, I might know a spell." Lily walked out and back in a second later, brandishing her wand and pointing it at Theo. She spoke a spell Theo had not yet heard of, and Theo felt a strange itch on her head. Lily's look of panic did nothing to ease Theo's mind.

"What… what happened?"

"Uh, take a look." Lily had the good grace to look ashamed and as Theo looked in the mirror she understood why. Now she had silver stripes (not highlights, **stripes** ) running through her considerably longer hair. Hair that had once been just below her shoulder now reached mid-back. Theo choked back another scream.

"Ok," she practically sobbed. "Ok, that was clever. Make it worse when someone tries to fix it. _How fucking brilliant_!" Theo wanted to hit something, and Lily continued to think of a way to reverse this mess which was now much worse for Theo. Theo decided to get dressed quickly, wracking her brain for anything that might be able to make this situation bearable at the very least and found she was coming up short.

"I can't believe they did this!" Lily repeated as she began leafing through book Theo had not seen before.

"I can't believe you're surprised. You're the one always calling them a menace."

"Yes but usually their plans aren't so…"

"Thought out and personal? Yea, who would have thought that some of the smartest kids on our class could manage something like hair-dye?" Theo knew she was being unreasonable and rude but her situation was mildly worse than Lily's and honestly how did anyone survive with long hair? It got in the way of everything!

"Just because they're capable of higher levels of thought doesn't mean they ever do it. Are you going to help me or not?!" Theo went over to Lily's bed and looked over an advanced potions textbook, looking for anything that might either be the cause or the solution to their problem and were coming up painfully blank.

Theo noticed quickly that her roommates were absent, but didn't think much of it until she realized that the other three girls were never at breakfast this early. It was usually Theo and Lily who got up to shower while the other three slept in having showered the night before.

"Say, Lily…" Lily grunted. "Don't you think it's strange that our roommates got up and out of the dorm before we did? Since, you know, they never do? And don't you think it's a little odd that they do this on the worst hair day of our lives?"

Lily had looked up in realization, understanding exactly what Theo was implying. It was one thing if some random girl in their house had helped the boys, but their roommates? Theo knew her roommates didn't like her much, and were only just ok with Lily, but honestly she thought there was a sort of bond between them that came with the agreement "we shall not abuse our access to all of your things if you do not abuse your access to ours" and honestly it wasn't like Theo had done anything to her roommates. Lily had hexed them a few times, but Lily hexed everyone. Was no place safe anymore?

"I bet it was Marlene! She's been going after Black all year!" Lily was angrily flipping through pages now nearly tearing one which caused Theo take the book from her for its own safety. Their efforts were fruitless, despite having looked through all of breakfast. They did not look forward to having to face those idiots. But she swallowed her pride and held her head high with Lily doing the same when they walked to their charms class.

Everyone was staring at them, not even trying to hide their shock or amusement. Lily and Theo chose to sit together today, hoping that safety in numbers was real and effective in this moment. It only felt like they were centralizing their humiliation though. Many kids were snickering into their books or actually laughing out loud. Some had the decency to whisper while some pointed and ridiculed. But through it all, the most obvious thing was that people were more eager to turn on Theo than they were on Lily.

"Hey, Stretch Mark Clarke! I like the hair! Really brings out your pimples!"

"Yea Clarke! Really shows off you rolls too!"

"Did you think the length was going to hide your fat?"

"I really like how it shows off your loyalties!"

Theo was not going to cry. Theo was not going to cry. She was going to lock her jaw and stare at the board and take her notes and cast her spells and she was not going to cry. She was sure of this fact all through charms. She would not cry. She held it together through most of Herbology too, until someone made a comment about how she and the mandrakes looked so much alike. She wasn't so sure she could hold it together then, but she did it. She bit her cheek so hard it bled but she did not cry. No one was going to get the satisfaction of seeing her cry.

Lily was having a hard time with it too, it seemed. Not quite to the extent of Theo, but people would say that it matched her eyes or comment about how Lily was friends with Slytherin students and so she deserved it. Lily and Theo did not offer each other anything in the way of support or comfort, but they spent their classes sitting together. Occasionally they'd share a look, but that was as far as it went. Neither wanted to show any weakness, and so they kept it all in and didn't acknowledge the taunts they could hear from the other students.

Flitwick and Sprout had not commented on their hair, though they did give them odd looks at the beginning of class before dropping it when Lily and Theo glared. Both had some impressive glares, to the surprise of many professors. McGonagall was not silent however.

"Miss Evans, Miss Clarke, what is the meaning of this?!" McGonagall looked scandalized, seeing as two of her best students were sitting there with green hair, one with silver stripes. It was obvious what the hair was trying to accomplish and the head of their house was less than pleased. Lily and Theo simply glared though. There was so much venom in that look that McGonagall actually looked like she might back off for a second before hardening her resolve and glaring right back.

"Why would you do this?" She was much quieter now, but everyone could hear. They all waited with baited breath, wondering what was going to happen and who had gotten one over on Lily Evans and Theodosia Clarke. Both had faced some ridicule or another, but neither had ever given it much thought and never gave it any attention. They were impervious, but they couldn't avoid this one. They had to react, right?

"Isn't it obvious Professor?" Theo's teeth were clenched.

"Yes, isn't it? We're showing our support." Lily's teeth were also clenched, it seemed.

"You… you did this yourselves?" The room was filled with chocked gasps, causing Lily and Theo to smile wide. They were not going to let anyone win. They would sooner take credit for it and have everyone hate them than give someone else (such as a certain group of already popular boys) the chance to bask in the glory.

"Of course we did. Who else would dare try to pull one over on the two smartest witches in the class?" Lily's voice was dripping with venom, but also a challenge. She dared the culprits to make themselves known, to take credit for this act, and waited patiently for someone to say something. Naturally, James Potter's ego could not take the blow.

"They didn't do it! We did!" Theo and Lily turned to see James pointing between him and Sirius, who was glaring daggers at James. Sirius was content not to get caught, it seems.

"You did? How did you manage that?" Theo questioned, as she was not about to let her roommates off the hook. Marlene, Alice and Marta all looked at one another in panic. This was going to be good.

"We got their roommates to put the potion in their shampoo." James actually looked proud of himself, despite the swift kick Sirius administered under the desk. Theo and Lily shared a look and actually high fived, causing Sirius to turn his glare to them. Theo just smiled and turned in her seat.

"I see. I will see you five after class then. Miss Evans, Miss Clarke, would you two like to go see Madame Pomfrey? Perhaps she can reverse this… mess." Lily and Theo both nodded and stood. When they entered the hallway they began laughing. They laughed and laughed until they got to the hospital wing. Madame Pomfrey fixed them up rather quickly, though she could do nothing about Theo's hair length. Theo shrugged it off and just went to Transfiguration with Lily, and then off to lunch.

"Hey! What happened to your hair?" Isabel was already playing with it, twirling it between her fingers.

"Thought I'd try something different," Theo answered as she began scooping some fruit onto her plate. She didn't want to tell them about the prank, knowing the reaction would be very negative. It was best just to leave them in the dark now that everything was back to the way it should be.

"It looks really good!" Anna was staring from across the table. Anna's hair was just as long as Theo's was now, and today she had it in a nice braid with a little flower weaved in. Theo beamed at her friend, since none of them had ever commented on her hair before. It wasn't something she was all that fond of but now she was thinking that maybe she would keep it long, at least for now.

"Yea, you look really pretty." Isabel was giving Theo that look again. Isabel had this uncanny ability to make Theo feel like she was the only person in the room, and it always made Theo go weak in the knees. All she had to do was smile like she was right now and Theo was all hers.

"What did you use to grow it out so quickly?" Claire always knew when something was up. She could spot a lie a mile away and it was unnerving for Theo because she was almost constantly lying to them about things like why she transferred and how things were with the people in her house. Theo opened her mouth to continue lying through her teeth but promptly shut it when she felt something cold pour over the back of her head and all over her shoulders.

"Oops," said a very indifferent voice from behind her. She turned and saw none other than Sirius Black holding a now empty cup over her head. She stood to face him.

"What is your problem Black? What have I ever done to you?" She glared at him and he just looked back with a look Theo had grown familiar with. It was a look Theo had seen a lot at home on her sister's face. It was a look she adopted when she knew her mother was going to be particularly upset about something. It's the kind of look someone wears when they're about to go through something painful, and Theo felt sorry for him because she could only guess what a mother like his was going to do when he got home.

"You got me put in detention." He still sounded indifferent, but she could feel the anger radiating off of him in waves. That was enough for Theo to return her anger in kind. He got detention? She would go to detention every night if it meant that people fell over her like they did Sirius Black. She would go to detention on weekends if it meant she looked half as good as Sirius Black. She would take suspension if it meant she could have a quarter of Sirius Black's confidence. She had no sympathy right now. It was gone. It had run dry and now all she could see was a boy who had made her day absolutely terrible and gave the kids in her house even more ammunition to throw at her.

"No, Potter got you put in detention. Go pour your drink on him. Just because you lose a night doesn't give you the right to act like a brat."

"He never would have said anything if it wasn't for you and Evans!"

"And she looks nice and dry! What is your problem with me, Black? What is it about me that get you and the rest of Gryffindor so riled up?" They were standing a little closer than Theo ever stood to anyone except her friends and from here she noticed that Sirius almost towered over her.

"James said she's off limits." That pissed Theo off even more. James was in love with Lily so she gets to avoid the repercussions. That seems fair.

"That's not the point! What is it about me?!" She was pointing to herself, jabbing herself hard enough in the chest to hurt. "Why does everyone hate me? I didn't mean to do anything wrong!"

There was an eerie silence as Black's impervious mask seemed to crack slightly. His brows knit together as he stared down at Theo. Theo didn't realize she was shaking until she felt a hand on her arm. Theo realized now exactly what she had done. She had shown everyone how weak she was, how all of this was affecting her. She let everyone know that they were winning, and that was enough for Theo to run out of the Great Hall. She ran and ran until she was in front of The Fat Lady panting. She asked for the password and Theo gasped it out before climbing through the portrait hole and dashing up to her own room where she pulled her curtains and cast a silencing charm and for the first time since she had gotten expelled, she cried.

She cried about how everyone seemed to turn on her, no matter where she went. She cried about the things people said, both what she was meant to hear and what she wasn't. She cried about how alone she felt, about how her family hadn't written to her, about how her mother was angry all the time about what she was, about how her friends now were bound to turn on her eventually, because that's what people always did. They always turned on her the moment they realized just how different and _wrong_ she truly was.

It was all her fault. It was always her fault. If she were just better, if she were skinnier and prettier and nicer and just better, none of this would have happened. If she had just ignored the teacher when she started yelling, she wouldn't have gotten suspended and her mother wouldn't hate her so much. If she hadn't kissed Annabelle Sheehan that one day in May two years ago, she might still have friends.

 _It's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault…._

"Theodosia?" Theo looked up and saw Lily peering in through her curtains. Theo didn't say anything and instead just buried her head in her pillow once more. She didn't care who saw her anymore. It didn't matter.

"Theodosia, I'm sorry about what happened at lunch." Theo felt the bed dip as Lily sat down next to her and began rubbing circles on her back.

"It's not your fault," she rasped out, feeling more hot tears prick the back of her eyes at the thought of what had happened. Classes must be over if Lily was here.

"Yes it is. I haven't been very nice to you since you've moved in. I just had to ask Remus what your first name was. I didn't stop to think how that might make you feel. I didn't stop to think how any of what's been happening might make you feel…"

"That's not your job, Lily."

"No, I know that. But I just thought 'how would I feel if I went through what Clarke was going through?' and I realized I'd feel terrible. You've never even said anything. I mean, I fight back but you just hold you head up high when people say those things to you. I don't even know if you've noticed that, but every time someone says something mean you don't look at them, you don't say anything; you just lift your chin up and look ahead. I wish I could do that."

"I do it because I don't want to give them a reason to keep going. Stop making it sound so bloody noble Lily." Theo sat up and looked Lily in the eye. "I don't rise above it, do you understand? I sit there, and I take it. I let people hurt me because I deserve it. Now I need to go."

Theo stood and left without a second glance. She made it as far as the common room before she got stopped again.

"Clarke! Wait up!" Theo didn't actually stop and instead continued to climb out of the portrait hole. She was sure that her clear dismissal would deter whoever wanted her attention but she was sorely mistaken because they followed her right out and into the hallway.

"Clarke, wait up I have something to say." Theo glanced over her shoulder and saw Sirius Black tailing her. She walked faster.

"Clarke! I'm sorry!"

"I don't need your pity, Black." He'd caught up to her at this point and was now walking next to her. He wasn't trying to grab her, which she was grateful for, but that didn't deter him from trying to get whatever he wanted off of his chest.

"It's not pity, I just didn't realize-"

"Realize that you've been an asshole? Or realize that it hurt my feelings? Would you have stopped if you knew either? 'Cause I really don't think you would have. Now please just go away."

"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

"And what was dying my hair green supposed to accomplish?!" She stopped walking and turned on him. He looked shocked that she was yelling, but she didn't care, she just kept going. "Because maybe, just maybe, you weren't trying to hurt my feelings by hexing me over Remus, which by the way is just stupid because I barely talk to Remus, and maybe you weren't trying to hurt my feelings by laughing when everyone else was turning on me. To you, it was all good fun. Whatever, I don't care, I've had worse. But you were trying to hurt me when you pulled that prank today and you were trying to hurt me when you dumped pumpkin juice on me in front of everyone. You wanted to humiliate me, and you cannot say that you weren't. You wanted to feel better, but you need to figure out that you are not the only one who is hurting. You need to realize that other people have valid feelings. Now go away, I have to go see McGonagall."

She tried walking again, but this time he did grab her arm and she pulled away as if he'd burned her. He threw his hands up, not wanting to upset her further, but followed her when she tried walking again.

"I'm sorry, I really am."

"Ok, I'm glad you are but I don't have to accept it. What are you trying to accomplish here, anyway? Is it to make yourself feel better?"

"I'm trying to apologize."

"But why? I don't matter to you. You've made that abundantly clear. I don't even get in your way, so what do you want? To feel better? Help becoming an Animagus? What?"

"How did you know about that?"

"I overheard you guys talking about it and you're not going to find a book on it. If you're lucky you might find a passage or two but that's about it."

"Yea, we've sort of figured that out… You're not going to tell, are you?"

"I really don't care, Black. I know that might come as a shock to you and Potter, but I don't care what you do or why. I just want to be left alone for once. Why does everyone have to bother me?" She stopped walking to lean on the wall, suddenly exhausted. _Crying does that to a person,_ she thought. She looked up a saw that Black wasn't even looking at her, just staring off into the distance as if trying to figure something out.

"Do you know why we're doing it?" His demeanor had changed. His shoulders were locked in a hard line, his back straight, and his eyes hard. He was defensive, and she realized in that moment that their reasons were very important to them.

"I just know that you're trying to help someone called Moony. That's a stupid nickname, by the way. It sounds like a crappy superhero that moons people." Sirius just looked on in confusion, and remembered that as a pureblood, he might not know what all of that meant. "Which part of that confused you?"

"Superhero and moons," he responded, looking like he was trying to think really hard about what those two things could mean that would make his nickname stupid. She laughed a little to herself. He was almost cute when he looked like this. She shook the thought off immediately and stood up straight again.

"Listen, I actually really do have to go talk to McGonagall. If it'll get you off my back then I accept your apology." This time he didn't try to follow her when she tried to walk away. McGonagall was waiting for her like she always was when Theo entered her office.

"You're late, Theo." Theo nodded and looked down. She didn't mean to take so long to get here. Stupid Black with his apologies…

"I'm sorry ma'am." McGonagall waved her off before telling her to take a seat.

"We might as well get started. Theo, you've been doing very well. However, this is just the beginning. There is much more to this that we have not yet discussed and it will require a great deal of effort on your part. Are you willing to put in the effort required?"

Theo took the time to think about it. She knew she was right, and that the effort she had put in thus far was only a fraction of the work that was to come. She thought about why she wanted this, and what she was trying to accomplish. Why did she want to be able to do this?

 _To challenge yourself,_ one part of her brain said. Up until this point she hadn't found transfiguration to be challenging. Of course, this was still the tip of the ice burg for her. There were still four more years left to study, plus O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s but those were still two years away. She could use this to add to her knowledge in the meantime, so why else was she doing this?

 _You've wanted this for years,_ her brain supplied. She had heard about it from an upperclassman and had been fascinated ever since. She daydreamed about what she would look like, and how amazing it would be to be something like a wolf, or a tiger, or an eagle. It had consumed a great deal of her free time, just thinking how amazing it would be. Was that enough, though? What else was there?

 _To say that you can,_ burst to the forefront of her mind. That was a surprisingly driving force for her. She wanted to be able to say that she accomplished such an incredibly difficult feat. She wanted to prove her worth to people. She wanted to prove that she could do something few people could do. She wanted to be _special._

Knowing her reasons, was this really something she wanted to pursue?

"Yes," she answered with conviction. She wanted this, and she was going to do it no matter how difficult it was. McGonagall smiled.

"You remind me a bit of myself sometimes, Theo. Alright then it's time to discuss what is to come. I mentioned the potion required for this, yes? Well you'll have to begin brewing it, since it takes about a month. Professor Slughorn has agreed to let you use the ingredients in his personal stores, as well as his classroom over the break. That way you won't raise any suspicion. Professor Slughorn has also agreed to supervise you during this process, though he doubts you need it."

Theo beamed at that. She knew that Slughorn was fond of her, seeing as she was quite skilled in potions. He was also fond of Lily Evans and Severus Snape. Slughorn also commented on how well Remus was doing with her aid, which made her even more excited. She loved helping Remus. He listened to everything she said and really tried to understand what he was doing wrong, instead of just letting Theo do all the work during class.

"Professor, what does the potion do, exactly?"

"I'm glad you asked. The meditating I've had you do is not strictly necessary, but is incredibly useful for the road ahead. I've had you practice for so long to gauge your dedication and I have to say I'm very pleased with you progress. I did not take to it quite as quickly."

Theo smiled at that.

"Now, the potion is going to allow you to see which form you are going to take. This is used for people who cannot produce a Patronous Charm. In order for the potion to work you need to be able to look deep within yourself, which is much easier when you've been practicing for months I assure you."

"I understand. What was the mandrake leaf for, exactly?"

"That is not so clear to me. Given the uses for Restorative Potions, I can only assume it is a method for prepping the body for the changes it's going to be making."

Theo just nodded, thinking about the month of hell she endured for apparently no known reason.

"Theo, may I ask you something?" Theo nodded. "I remember telling you that if anyone bothered you, you could come to me. Do you not feel that is true?"

Theo was taken aback. She stared dumbly at her Professor, wondering what she could possibly mean by that.

"Why do you ask, Professor?"

"It's just that I've heard some disturbing things concerning the way other students have treated you, including this most recent incident. I just wanted to know why you've never brought it up during our meetings."

"Our meetings aren't about my personal life, Professor. I didn't think coming here and telling you about my day was something you would have appreciated. Besides, it's not that bad." McGonagall looked skeptical, eyeing Theo while trying to decide what to say next.

"Theo, Edmund told me that sometimes you're hesitant to get Professors involved in conflicts. Is there a reason for that?"

"I need to learn to fight my own battles. It's not your job to coddle me or make me feel better. You're my Professors, not my friends."

"Why do you think that, Theo?"

Theo looked thoroughly confused throughout the entire conversation, but now she was completely dumfounded. Why did she think that? It was the truth! Time and time again teachers and professors and parents alike all taught her that her fights were her own, not theirs. It wasn't their job to mediate petty conflicts. They had specific jobs and it did not include settling petty squabbles between a few kids.

"Because that's what I've been told. Adults are there to make sure no one gets hurt or is breaking the rules. You aren't responsible for making sure kids are nice because people aren't nice. I have to get used to that. There's no one to do that for me in the real world."

"You… Who exactly told you that?" Theo didn't understand the look on her professor's face. It was shock and what looked to be anger. Had she said something wrong?

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you Professor…" McGonagall's face softened, though only marginally.

"It's not you, Theo. I just want to know who told you this because that cannot be farther from the truth here at Hogwarts."

"I… uh… A teacher told me that when I was eight. Some kid was calling me a freak 'cause I'd had a vision and apparently my eyes get all weird when I do so he kept yelling at me so I went to the teacher and said he was hurting my feelings. She just said, 'It's not my job to make people be nice to you. If you don't want them to be mean, don't give them a reason to pick on you.' Then when I was ten I was upset because my cousin kept saying I was ugly and when I told my aunt she just shrugged and said I should get over it or lose some weight. Then when I was eleven at Ilvermorny there was this big thing and I tried to tell a professor that everyone was calling me… Well it really wasn't a nice name. This professor said, 'If you want them to stop, you make them stop.' So a few people, I guess."

"Did your parents know about this?"

"Well, they knew about the first one. My mom would get worked up and my dad would try to get her to calm down but then they'd just fight so I stopped telling them."

There was a long silence after that. McGonagall seemed to be thinking hard about something. When she finally spoke, she was barely above a whisper.

"Theodosia if anyone is hurting you either emotionally or physically, I want you to tell me. Do you understand?"

"Professor…"

"Do you understand? Starting right now, if someone keeps bothering you, or says anything hurtful, I want to know. I care about your wellbeing, as every professor at this school does. It is not up to you to face this alone. The behavior you've been enduring is unacceptable and unworthy of all those involved. I want you to feel safe here. Do you understand?"

Theo didn't know what to say. She was already in a rather emotional state, given the events of the day, so hearing this was a little much. All of these emotions were hitting her at once. Anger, confusion, hurt, betrayal, fear, hope. They were all whipping around in her head and overwhelming her. Before she knew it she was crying again.

"I understand, Professor." McGonagall smiled.

"Good. Now, if there's anything you want to tell me, please do."

And before Theo could stop herself, she was telling her professor everything from how she hated spending time in Gryffindor Tower for fear of what people would say, to how she would get hexed in the hallway by Sirius and James, and even about the nickname her roommate had called her the first week of school. She talked about how scared she was to go to her room because she'd gotten her roommates in trouble and she didn't know how they were going to react and she was worried about Lily too because they didn't seem to like her much. She even talked about how Sirius had poured pumpkin juice on her head today during lunch.

"That's why I was late, he was trying to apologize but I was upset and I didn't want to talk to him. He's never been that mean before. Him and James don't bother me much but everyone was so mean today and I didn't know what to do because I don't know why they hate me so much in the first place…" McGonagall had handed Theo a hanky already, and Theo kept wiping at her eyes as fresh tears kept falling.

"I'm sorry you thought you had to go through this alone, Theo. What do your friends have to say about this?"

"I haven't told them. They get so upset and I don't like it when I upset them…"

"Theo, you should consider telling them. That's what your friends are there for and they seem to care for you a great deal. In the meantime I will have a chat with your roommates. Their behavior is completely unacceptable. You should not avoid sleeping in your room out of fear."

"I don't want to upset them any further, though…"

"Don't worry about that. I'll take care of it. In the meantime, please go see your friends. They're probably worried about you." Theo could help but nod. With a final sniffle, she sat up straight and followed McGonagall out of her office. With a wave they parted ways and Theo made her way to the Slytherin common room. She gave the portrait the password and walked to her friend's room. She hesitated before knocking, but decided it was now or never.

Theo was pulled into a tight embrace before her knuckles hit the door for a third knock. Three bodies were surrounding her and holding her in a tight embrace. Before Theo knew it she was crying again.

"Oh love, why didn't you tell us?" Isabel was kissing the top of her head like she did when she was feeling particularly affectionate and Theo was grateful for the familiar touch. They continued hugging her for a few more seconds before pulling her into the room and shutting the door.

"We were so worried about you. Remus told us about what those filthy Gryffindors have been doing and I can't believe we never noticed it all before! Especially that nickname!" Anna was next to Theo, holding her hand and rubbing small circles on her knuckles.

"Yea, you didn't have to keep it all to yourself. I wish you'd told us." Isabel was on the bed across from her, looking at her with misty eyes.

"I didn't want to worry you guys…"

"Theo, look at me." Claire grabbed Theo's chin and turned her head so that they were face to face. "You are not weak for needing help. Do you understand that? And you are not a burden for needing help either. We are your friends. We want to help you."

Theo was crying onto Claire's shoulder while she carded her fingers through Theo's long locks. She cried for a while, telling them how sorry she was and how scared she'd been that they were going to leave her. She told them about the nasty things people said to her and how she hated going back to the Tower. They just listened and comforted her when her sobs got particularly bad. It was a long night, and Theo decided it was too late to leave. She borrowed some pajamas and curled up in bed next to Isabel like she always did when she spent the night and for the first time slept calmly.

The next day Theo saw her friends off, telling them she was going to miss them and agreeing to exchange gifts after their next Hogsmeade visit and wishing one another Merry Christmas. Theo spent the rest of the day in the library looking over her notes and homework just to make sure it was all done. She wondered what she was supposed to do during the break since her friends were completely unavailable. She considered wondering the castle, but she wasn't sure that sounded at all fun. Only a few students in Gryffindor were staying over the holidays, none of which seemed to care that she existed so she decided that she would spend time in the common room just to see what it was really like.

She found that it was exceptionally cozy. The couch was soft and the fire kept the room warm. She'd come down to practice her spells for DADA and study Herbology. Once a seventh year actually saw her struggling with a spell and helped her. Her name Nancy McKinnon and she was really nice. She knew who Clarke was, as she was Marlene's cousin.

"I'm sorry about my cousin by the way. She's always been like that, but that's not really an excuse. You know it's not your fault, right?"

Theo smiled and nodded, slowly starting to think she might actually be right. A lot of people lately seemed to be emphasizing the point that she wasn't responsible for other people's actions, which was a bit of a new concept for her. She had always been told directly or indirectly that she was responsible for how she was treated and what people thought of her and to a certain extent that was true, but Theo was starting to realize that even if she did everything right, there were people that weren't going to like her. This was a new and exciting concept for her, and was making her feel exceptionally better when she remembered it.

But there were always times when rational thought was nowhere to be seen and she was drowning in her own sorrow. At times like this she would try to think about all the good things that had happened lately, and the people she had to support her. On nights like these she usually fell asleep to the thought of Isabel calling her "love" and kissing the top of her head.


	6. Chapter 5: Once Upon a Midnight

**Chapter 5: Once Upon A Midnight**

 **Grimmauld Place, London**

 **12:01am, December 15, 1973**

Sirius Black did not spend a lot of time thinking about Theodosia Clarke. There were many other girls who were far more interesting and better looking than her, but unfortunately she was rather unavoidable in his everyday life. It wasn't so much that he disliked her, but he did not like that she spent time with Remus. It wasn't even that she spent a lot of time with Remus, as she had pointed out the last day of lessons; it was that she spent any time with him at all. Remus liked her, and thought she was both really nice and really smart. He would tell Peter some of the jokes she'd make during lessons (he'd tried to tell James and Sirius but found that they didn't always understand the muggle references) and about how helpful she was during potions.

Both James and Sirius noted that Remus _was_ doing better in potions this year, and not just because she was doing most of the work herself. She'd explain what he got wrong, and help him figure out the right way to do it. She was incredibly patient with him, they noted with no small amount of animosity. Then she wants to write his essays for him when he misses classes! She had been doing a stellar job, if his grade in the class was anything to go by, but that wasn't the point!

Why was she being so nice to him? She had to want something, didn't she? It wasn't that Remus wasn't a popular guy, it's just that, well, it was Theodosia Clarke. They knew next to nothing about her, and she knew next to nothing about them, but she still felt the need to do all these nice things for Remus and only Remus. She ignored everyone else in her house like the plague, even her roommates.

 _I'd avoid them too if they talked about me like that,_ he thought disdainfully. It was a known fact that Marta and Marlene have had it out for Clarke since day one. Ever since she transferred they complained about her in some way or another. First it was how cramped their room was now that there was a fifth person. Then it was that she showered in the mornings ("so does Lily but that's not the point!"), and then it changed from things she did to the fact that she existed at all. They made fun of her weight, her hair, her pimples, her everything. They were the ones who started calling her Stretch Mark Clarke when they saw stretch marks on her thighs one day after she had showered and had forgotten to bring pants into the bathroom with her.

"It's like she doesn't even try to look good! It's disgusting." Marlene had complained once while they were sneaking off for some alone time. They rarely did anything of interest during their alone time because Marlene put so much energy into hating her roommate who had never actually done anything to wrong Marlene as far as Sirius could tell.

That was another reason Sirius didn't like Clarke. She was constantly a part of his life. If it wasn't Remus talking about how great she was it was James ranting about how they should ask her for help with their plan to help Remus, or Marlene complaining about nothing at all. It was infuriating, and entirely her fault. Peter had once tried to explain to Sirius that her just existing was no reason to prank her as hard as they did, but Sirius never listened and neither did James. James always wanted to prank anyone who was in close relations to people in Slytherin, and when Peter suggested the hair dye prank it had only included Clarke, but Sirius pointed out that Lily was good friends with Snape, and James couldn't argue the point.

Sirius did not expect the kind of backlash Clarke had gotten for her hair. He expected mild ridicule that centered entirely on her hair and her chosen friends but was both shocked and mortified when he heard them teasing her about a large number of other things. He nearly punched Dylan Davis for his comment about hiding her fat and actually did hex Marta for comparing her to a mandrake. There were lines people just shouldn't cross, especially when concerning someone who hadn't actually done anything to deserve it.

Sirius knew from experience how powerful words were, and how much they could tear a person down when used correctly. Clarke seemed to know that too, and refused to say anything in response. She was smart, and good with her words, she'd know where to hit to make it hurt. She knew exactly what he was doing and why he was doing it, and without having ever talked to him, she already knew why he did what he did. When she was upset with him she never once insulted him even though she could have easily torn him to pieces. She danced around any manner of hurtful words and that was more than Sirius expected from someone who was as upset as she was.

She had been crying before Sirius had tried to talk to her, he noticed. He knew the signs well enough. Crying was common in the Black household, though it was usually mixed with anger and hexes. Her eyes were still red and puffy and there were still tracks on her face as if she'd left in a hurry and didn't care what others thought. She probably didn't in that moment.

Sirius felt bad, for the first time since meeting her. He'd done a lot of bad things, but he never felt bad about them. He never thought that she was actually hurting as a result of his actions. He never thought that maybe he was hurting her feelings or making her feel like an outcast in Gryffindor. He always thought that it was what she wanted, being friends with Slytherins of all people. But that was the thing; those girls were the only people who had made friends with her when she had gotten to Hogwarts. Even he was guilty of sending her dirty looks the first day when all she was doing was asking Remus for directions. That was probably the most scared he'd ever seen her. Since then she looked like everything just bounced off of her.

Why did those girls choose to make friends with her anyway? He recognized Isabel Greengrass and Claire Parkinson from parties that he's attended, and knew that their parents were big supporters of the old ways. Isabel had been known to go quiet during these discussions, but never spoke out or disagreed. Claire was a different story, however. Claire used to voice her opinion all of the time. His parents would often say that she was such a smart girl and that it was a shame she acted so uncouth. "Where did her parents go wrong? They were so successful with Philip…" After her brother married Claire didn't speak out nearly as much.

So maybe it wasn't a shock that Claire had sought Clarke's friendship. An American Muggle-born girl was the biggest middle finger she could think of to send to her family. Isabel never seemed to rock the boat, however. She was always silent, never really agreeing or disagreeing, never taking sides or getting involved in any arguments. It confused Sirius to see how close she was with Clarke. She would wrap her arm around her, hug her, and even place a kiss on her forehead from time to time. Sirius had never seen Isabel act that way with anyone, so why Clarke?

 _Because she's a nice person_ , a traitorous part of his mind supplied. Sirius knew this of course. She had been nice and helpful to anyone who wasn't outwardly hostile. She wasn't even mean to the people who were hostile. She could not be telling her friends about what was going on Gryffindor because if she did he was sure it wouldn't be happening anymore. Of that, Sirius was certain because all three of her friends turned on him the moment Clarke was out of the hall yesterday.

" _What was that for?!" The one with her hair in a braid was standing now. She didn't look like the kind of person to actually get angry but she clearly was now. They were all looking at him with varying degrees of emotion. The one with the braid just looked shocked, as if having issues coming to terms with what just happened. Isabel had a hard look to her, like staring into the eyes of and angry statue. Claire looked angry and lethal, especially when she stood and pulled her wand, pointing it directly at Sirius._

" _You filthy little-"_

" _What were you talking about?" Isabel was still sitting, not even caring that her friend was speaking._

" _Alright let's just all calm down." James was next to Sirius, hands up as a sign of surrender._

" _Stay out of this Potter!" Claire turned her wand on James, who looked like he was about to pull his own wand._

" _Claire, put your wand down! We don't want to get in trouble!" Isabel hissed more than yelled, but Claire just turned her fiery gaze on her friend._

" _Is that what you care about? What about Theo?!"_

" _I want to know what happened and we won't be able to do that from detention." Claire glanced between her and the two boys before putting her wand back into her pocket. Both she and the other girl sat back down, but Clair looked like she was ready to pounce again at a moment's notice._

" _Now, you two, what the hell was that about?" Sirius did not often feel fear, and James has yet to feel any real fear in his life, but both were sure that anyone would be scared of the deadly look those three girls were giving them right now. Sirius knew exactly where Isabel and Claire had gotten it from. Women from pureblood families were known for such glares, and their friend seemed to have mastered it as well._

" _We… we're sorry, ok?" James tried and failed to diffuse the situation. The girls in front of them seemed to only grow more upset, as if his apology was offensive._

" _What are you sorry for?" The girl with the braid looked between the two, trying to urge them to speak. Neither Sirius nor James wanted them to know what they did because they feared the repercussions. Anyone would fear the consequences if three furious witches were looking at them like these girls were._

" _It was supposed to be a harmless prank…" Sirius in this moment also felt a great deal of shame, which was new. Sirius had not yet had a reason to feel shame for anything he did. He did bad things, but nothing that ever made him feel like a bad person. He always thought that all things considered he was a good person, but in this moment he felt like the worst person in the world._

" _It wasn't though, was it?" Why was Isabel so calm? It was like the eye of the storm and the thought of the hurricane that was to come was frightening to say the least._

" _No, we had dyed her hair green and it didn't go over well..."_

" _Don't forget the stripes." Sirius looked to his left to see that Remus had joined them, acting like the disappointed father. Sirius felt worse if at all possible. Even Remus was disappointed in them. Of course, they knew he would be since they consciously decided to keep this particular prank to themselves. Sirius made a mental note that if they knew Remus would not approve of their actions, they probably shouldn't do them._

" _Right, there were silver stripes in her green hair." James was looking at his feet now._

" _Ok, but Theo is a tough girl. Green hair wouldn't bother her that much, would it?" The third girl was talking now, looking at them with both hatred and confusion. "I mean, she'd be upset but it would go away. It certainly wouldn't cause her reaction. What don't we know?"_

" _Back off, Hart. Clarke got what she deserved." Sirius resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Marlene really, really was not welcome right now. She was only going to make all of this that much worse but she was already at his side, hooking her arm in his and placing a hand on her hip. Marlene was a vicious girl but there was no doubt in Sirius's mind that any one of these three girls in front of him could take her, muggle way or otherwise. She was just petty, these girls were protective and it was clear to him which was a stronger driving force._

" _And who are you?" Isabel was unimpressed by Marlene's little show. Marlene seemed taken aback by how little Isabel seemed to care._

" _I'm roommates with Stretch Mark Clark." She said with a sneer._

 _Sirius physically moved away from Marlene, and was not the only one to do so. James and Remus had the same idea and got out of Isabel's way as she was now standing and getting dangerously close to Marlene. Marlene looked to Sirius for support but he was looking anywhere but her. He was not going to take the fall for this one, no matter how good she snogged._

" _What did you call her?" Sirius noted that Isabel had actually pulled her wand and artfully hid it between the two so that the teachers wouldn't see it but Marlene was aware that it was there. Sirius would be impressed if he was not so busy fearing exactly what Isabel was going to do with that wand._

" _N-nothing, I didn't…" She stopped talking when the wand was pressed against her._

" _No, you called her something rather offensive. Now, let me be clear when I say that stretch marks are not at all something to be ashamed of, but the way in which you use it seems to be intended to humiliate my friend. I cannot let that go, now can I? You can understand it, being a Gryffindor and all."_

 _Sirius wanted to step in, but only because he was beginning to really fear for Marlene. Isabel was upset with James and Sirius for a prank that was clearly unintended to hurt. Like the one girl said, it was a relatively harmless prank that most would get over when it wore off. Marlene's intentions were much more malicious, and Isabel seemed fiercely defensive of her friend._

" _Isabel, the adults are looking." Isabel shot a look towards the professors before she backed off and sat back down, crossing her legs all in one seamless motion. Marlene took this opportunity to find a seat on the other side of the hall. Sirius suddenly wondered why he didn't do the same when their attention was on Marlene, but figured it was one of those natural human things in which you cannot help but watch a disaster unfold._

" _You're Lupin, right?" Remus jumped at being addressed but nodded at Claire, whose eyes had softened only slightly when she looked at him. He was not in trouble, which was a good thing because then Sirius would actually have to step in and set them straight. Sirius did not want to do that._

" _Theo likes you, I think. Can you help us understand what happened here today? I don't trust those two to give us the full story." Claire was glaring at Sirius and James again in a way that clearly said "leave before I make you" and they needed no more invitation to flee the scene._

Remus had torn them a new one in the common room when they got back from class. Peter got yelled at too, since the prank was actually his idea. All looked at their feet like children being scolded by their father.

" _What were you thinking?!" He shouted near the end, gripping his hair in frustration._

" _We didn't think people would go that far," James tried._

" _Why would you think that?! Sirius, you snog her biggest bully! You used the person who hates her most to do it! How did that not cross your mind?!" Remus sat and put his head in his hands. "I just don't get why you dislike her so much…"_

" _Well, because you fancy her, don't you?" Remus's head shot up and looked between them in shock._

" _That's… that's what you think?" They all nodded. "Ok, I don't. She's a nice bird, and she helps me in potions, but I don't fancy anyone at the moment. That being said, why would you do that to her? If I fancied her, what could you possibly hope to accomplish? Is this about my furry little problem?"_

" _No! We just thought you could do better…" Sirius did not envy the full force glare Peter was receiving from Remus in that moment._

" _What do you even know about her?! She's a smart, funny, and intelligent girl, and you think that I should 'do better'? Why would you even think that?!"_

They all found that they couldn't answer. She was nice, if not a little strange. Remus was right, of course. He was always right. Sirius rolled over in his bed, thinking about what he was going to do when he got back. He wanted to make it up to Clarke in some way, but fell asleep before he could think of anything.

 **Potter Residence**

 **3:27 pm, December 16, 1973**

"James Potter! I am very disappointed in you!" They had just received the letter from Professor McGonagall telling them about his most recent prank and they were not pleased in the least. His father was sitting on the couch, his mother was standing in front of him with her arms crossed tapping her foot. James was having issues meeting their eyes.

"I didn't mean to upset her! Just mess with her a little…"

"What have we told you about picking on people?" Mr. Potter sat forward on his seat, giving his son a hard look. James didn't like that look. That look was reserved for when he really messed up. He supposed he did.

"That it can be really hurtful and that I should never do it. But it wasn't supposed to be hurtful, I swear!" Mrs. Potter threw her hands up, as if there was no other outlet for her frustration.

"That's not for you to decide, James. You don't get to decide whether what you do is hurtful or offensive. Did you know what you were doing might be upsetting?"

"Yes…" James was looking at his feet again.

"Then you shouldn't have done it." James knew they were right, and the more he thought about it, the worse he felt. He really should have realized how bad the backlash was going to be. He knew that a lot of kids in their house saw her as a traitor for making friends with some girls in the other house, but he didn't even consider it when he decided to prank her like that. He liked to pick on her, but other kids were just vicious.

"You're right, I'm sorry."

"We're not who you should be apologizing to. Write her an apology right now young man. Don't come down until you're done." James nodded and sulked up the stairs.

It shouldn't be too hard, he figured. He just wrote:

 _16 December, 1973_

 _Dear Clarke,_

 _I'm really sorry for what I did. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings._

 _Happy Christmas,_

 _James Potter_

But when James went to send it, his mother looked it over and decided instantly that it was not contrite enough. He was sent upstairs to rewrite it and had to get it approved by his mother before he could send it. It was much harder than he thought.

 _I'm really sorry about what I did. I didn't think that what I did would hurt your feelings as much as it did, and that was my bad. I hope you can forgive me._

That wasn't good enough either. For one, "my bad" was not at all what you were supposed to put in a written apology apparently. You should also put exactly what you're sorry for. And you shouldn't say "as much as it did" because that heavily implies harm was meant. James didn't mean it that way, but Mrs. Potter didn't care and sent him up to rewrite it.

 _I'm really sorry about dying your hair green and using your roommates to help. I should have thought about how it would make you feel, but I didn't and I'm really sorry about that. I hope that you can forgive me._

Mrs. Potter thought that this was much closer, but she "still couldn't feel just how sorry he was" and was sent to rewrite it a final time, with his mother shouting after him, "and use her first name for Merlin's sake!"

James stared at the parchment, wondering how he was supposed to really show her how sorry he was. He realized that when trying to write the letter, he had been trying to hold back, thinking of things to say and deciding it was too girly before landing on something much less personal. With a heavy sigh he began writing again, not holding back.

 _16 December, 1973_

 _Dear Theodosia,_

 _I realized that I really hurt your feelings before break by dying your hair green and adding the silver stripes, and I'm sorry. I never thought that those kids would react the way they did, but I should have. I've seen the way they treat you, and I'm sorry about that too. I know I've been making things really hard on you since you've transferred from America but I promise from now on I'll be a lot nicer. I'll even get everyone else to be nicer too._

 _I hope you feel better now, and I hope you can forgive me._

 _Happy Christmas,_

 _James Potter_

 _P.S. Sirius is sorry too. I'll get him to write when he comes to visit._

James felt like a poof, but it did make him feel better, especially when he got a response.

 _December 21, 1973_

 _Dear James,_

 _You complete and utter girl._

 _I am just kidding of course, since I really did appreciate your apology. Also, tell your mother I said thanks for making you write it. I'm sure you meant it, but I'm also sure writing me a letter didn't cross your mind._

 _I'm also sure you didn't mean to hurt my feelings any of those times. I'm really grateful that neither you nor your friends have taken to mocking me like the other kids in the house. They can be really hurtful sometimes, you know? Lily said I always seem like it's not bothering me, but it does. I don't want you to feel responsible for making them stop either, though I appreciate the sentiment._

 _Merry Christmas!_

 _Theodosia Clarke_

 _P.S. Did you know we say Merry Christmas in America? We also put the month before the day in the date._

 _26 December, 1973_

 _Dear Theodosia,_

 _Of course it's my responsibility! I am the most popular boy in Gryffindor, who else is responsible for defending its members? I'll use my charm and good looks to sway them!_

 _They're real jerks anyway, you're not missing much. Especially Dylan Davis, I'm on the Quidditch team with him and he thinks he's the greatest keeper we've ever had. He doesn't know he's only on the team because no one else wants to try out for the position._

 _Besides, you're like top of our class behind the beautiful Lily Evans so don't listen to them._

 _Your friend,_

 _James Potter_

 _December 30, 1973_

 _Dear James,_

 _Please, for the love of magic, call me Theo. No one calls me Theodosia. It's such a mouthful. Funny you mention Quidditch, because I used to play back at Ilvermorny. I was the keeper actually. I didn't want to try out this year because, well, people suck. But if he's as bad as you say I might just try out next year to spite him. What position do you play?_

 _And you sound a lot like Isabel, she acts like I'm smarter than everyone but you've seen how terrible I am at Herbology. She mentioned she gave you boys a talking to. I hope she didn't scare you too much? She's a little protective but she means well. She's also kind of cute when she's angry, isn't she? She gets that little crinkle between her brows and her eyes get all bright._

 _By the way, how's that Animagus thing going? I want to help._

 _Your friend,_

 _Theo_

 _3 January, 1974_

 _Dear Theo,_

 _Isabel is a very scary witch. I wouldn't call her cute when angry, more frightening and vicious. So are the other two. I'm glad you have friends like that though, since we've been so terrible. Well, me and Sirius have been. Remus is nice to everyone, and you are too for that matter. No wonder they get so protective of you, you need to stick up for yourself. I'll help!_

 _How did you know we're trying to become Animagi? You can't tell anyone, it's supposed to be secret. And why do you want to help all of a sudden? Aren't you worried about what we're going to do with it? I would be. You didn't even tell us how to do that charm for copying handwriting a couple months ago. This just seems like a much bigger deal. Of course we would appreciate your help, if you're willing to give it._

 _You should totally try out for the team! I bet the captain would even let you try out late if you wanted, because we're absolutely rubbish with Davis right now. We lost to Hufflepuff._ _ **Hufflepuff.**_ _Even my superb Chaser skills and Sirius's superb Beater skills couldn't save us. You can't be any worse than Davis and you're way better to talk to. I'll even talk to the captain if you want._

 _Your friend,_

 _James_

 _P.S. I hope Sirius wrote a good apology. I didn't read it. If it's terrible let me know so I can punch him for you._

 _Dear Theodosia,_

 _I already apologized but I don't think you believed me. I wouldn't believe me either, after the day you had. I actually hexed Marta about the Mandrake thing, but that's not the point. I mean, you don't look like a mandrake, but I'm not trying to distract from the apology._

 _Anyway, I'm sorry. I know that people really don't like you and I'm sorry I just made it easy for them to pick on you. Remus and Peter are going to help James and I make other people back off. Also, the Remus thing was a misunderstanding. We kind of don't think before we do things._

 _I hope you can accept my apology._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Sirius Black_

 _P.S. Peter explained the superhero that moons people joke and he thought it was rather funny. I do see your point but by now it's stuck and we can't take it back._

 _January 7, 1974_

 _Dear James,_

 _Sirius wrote a fine apology, no need for violence. Please let him know he is forgiven._

 _I am curious as to what it's for but you're breaking the law (I'm assuming you don't plan to register) so I'd imagine there's a good reason. Please remember that this is a really hard thing to do. I had to carry a mandrake leaf around in my mouth for a month and I meditate every day with McGonagall. You need to commit._

 _Sirius is on the Quidditch team too? I think I'd actually prefer to just wait until next year, maybe? No need to talk to the captain. I'll do it the old fashion way._

 _I'll see you when school starts up again. Thanks for writing me. Isabel and Claire can't let their family know they're friends with me so I haven't been able to talk to them and Anna can't write because she'll be a little too far in France so it's been a little lonely at Hogwarts._

 _Your friend (and soon to be mentor),_

 _Theo_

"She ignored my apology. She hates me." Sirius fell onto his bed after reading the letter.

"She doesn't hate you. I just think the pumpkin juice was a little too far for her, and the part where you tripped her the first day. And maybe how you snog her roommate who hates her guts…"

"Thanks, James."

"I just think she needs a little time. Once you guys are on the Quidditch team together, she'll get over it right away." James's confidence was not at all reassuring at the moment. Sirius was still in a terrible mood from being home for the greater part of break.

"She didn't even want to be on the team once she found out I was on it."

"That's not it…"

Sirius shot James a look and he just shrugged.

"She just needs time! She's had a rough go of it. She'll have to once she sees you're not always a giant prick." Sirius threw a pillow at James but he caught it and laughed.

"I can't believe we thought she had a thing for Moony." James fell back onto the bed next to Sirius and they both stared up at the ceiling.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because she obviously fancies Isabel," James said casually. Sirius shot up and looked down at his friend who had closed his eyes as if to doze off.

"What do you mean by that?" James glanced at him from one slightly opened eye.

"I meant Theo fancies Isabel. Remember the letter I showed where she talked about how cute Isabel was?"

"Yea but that's like a thing all birds do, right? They complement each other and stuff all the time and it doesn't mean anything. Marlene complimented Marta every day during lunch."

"That's different. That's like if I said 'you look good in that black t-shirt' versus if I said 'you look so good when you're playing Quidditch.'"

"Yea but you're a bloke!"

"But you see my point, right? There's a different sort of tone to it. Like one is just an observation and the other is more of a… I don't know. It's not something a person would normally comment on if they didn't fancy you."

Sirius sat and thought about it for a second. Sirius had never really fancied anyone the way James fancied Lily. He'd found many girls and guys very attractive and even appreciated them from time to time, but never thought much about them. He never thought about the things they did when they weren't doing something for him. He supposed that without any personal experience, he would have issues recognizing the signs in another person.

"Hey Sirius, can I ask you something?"

Sirius hummed in affirmation.

"Do you even like Marlene?" Sirius thought about that for a second. He liked the way she kissed, and he really like some of the other things she did with her mouth, but none of those things included talking. It wasn't like she had an annoying voice; it was more that what she said wasn't ever important to Sirius. If she wasn't complaining about Clarke, she was complaining about someone else. Sometime she even complained about Marta, and it was never about anything important. It was always something like how they looked or what they wore and once she even complained about how _good_ someone looked. Sirius found that particularly ridiculous and most of the time he disagreed with her.

Sirius knew that Marlene wasn't the only person to do this, but she was the only one he continually put up with. More than once he'd wonder if it was even worth it but then she'd do something like whisper in his ear or bite that one spot on his neck and he would forget why he was upset. When he thought about it, it probably wasn't what a relationship was about, but he also didn't really know if that's what they were.

"I mean, sometimes she's not so bad." James snorted.

"She's always pretty bad. You know that. I don't get why you don't just drop her like you did that one guy."

"I didn't drop him; he decided he didn't want to beat for that team."

"Yea but you didn't care. You just moved on. Why don't you move on from Marlene already?"

"Are you hitting on me Jamie boy?" Sirius sent a flirtatious wink to his friend who smacked him upside the head.

"I just really hate how much time she spends with us. She gets upset when you're not talking to her and then she whines… I hate whining Sirius."

"Ok, then I'll drop her. I was planning to anyway. She was a right twat to Clarke." James shot Sirius a critical look.

"Since when has that mattered to you?"

"Stop asking questions, I only agreed to one." James started whining and tugging on Sirius's sleeve, who responded by tackling James to the floor. The wrestling match continued until both were tired from trying to pin one another and laughing so hard their sides hurt.

 **Hogwarts, Scotland**

 **12:53 am, Christmas Day**

 _Theo was in a house, but not one that was still inhabited. Things were torn and there was blood on the walls. Most things were covered in dust, and cobwebs were in the corners. Theo had never been here before, but if she was seeing it then she will probably visit at some point. She was observing an old piano when she heard a strange sound coming from upstairs. She followed the noise quietly, hoping not to alert anyone to her presence. The closer she got, the more the noise sounded like a whimper. Was someone in pain? She walked faster, finally arriving at a door at the end the hall. She pushed in open gently._

 _On the bed was a boy curled in on himself shaking and whimpering like a dog in pain with his back facing her. She took a step forward, and then another. She was hesitant, not sure what to make of what she was seeing. She wasn't sure if she could even help or not but she wanted to be there, she wanted to help._

 _She froze when the boy let out a blood curdling scream. It was the most horrific scream she'd ever heard in her life and before she knew it she was pressing herself against the wall. The boy rolled around, as if hoping to get away from the pain but he couldn't. He just kept screaming and screaming. Theo tried covering her ears but it was useless._

 _Then she saw his face. It was Remus._

 _Sweet Remus Lupin who was so nice and so gentle and just so good. He was suffering right in front of her and she couldn't take it. She covered her eyes and started crying, trying to urge her mind to pull away from this scene._

' _Please, make it stop! Make it stop!'_

 _Then there was a sickening crack. She looked up again to see something so much worse than before. It looked like his bones were breaking and snapping back into place. Joints moved and his snout elongated until he looked like a dog. Slowly his screams were changing, morphing into something different. Fur began to grow everywhere and his screams turned into howls._

 _Finally, it was over and on the bed sat a giant wolf with dark brown fur and yellow eyes. It was looking around the room, sniffing as if trying to find something. But then, its lips pulled into a growl and it began growling, before lunging off of the bed and out of the room. Theo followed it, needing to know if it could get out. She needed to warn someone!_

 _When she caught up to the wolf it was violently throwing itself against the back door. She was frozen at the foot of the stairs, watching it throw its whole weight into the effort. There was a snap and the wolf fell to the floor, unable to put weight onto its right shoulder. It began whimpering, trying to walk and stumbling before limping around. It kept growling as it paced and then seemed to lose control again and began biting his injured leg as if hoping to remove it._

 _That's when Theo remembered this wasn't just a wolf, this was Remus. Remus was tearing himself apart right in front of her._

" _Stop it! Remus stop!" She ran up to him, unafraid of what he'd do if she got too close. She went to grab him but her arm passed right through. She kept trying to reach as the wolf got more violent. She was crying again, begging him to stop. Blood was spilling everywhere as he only got more and more vicious. Finally Theo just fell back and covered her ears, begging Remus to stop as she rocked back and forth._

"STOP IT!" Theo was sitting upright in her bed now, sweat covering her skin and drenching the sheets. She looked around, not fully registering that she was awake again. Her surroundings seemed to fade in and out between her room and the house she had just left. When she was finally able to focus on her curtains she reached for her shirt and tugged it on before standing and pulling her pants on.

She bolted out the door and down the stairs, her feet carrying her without even thinking about where she was going. Before she knew it she was banging on the door to McGonagall's quarters.

"What is the mean- Theo?"

"REMUS! He's- he's… Where is he?!"

"Theo just calm down," McGonagall whispered as she placed her hands on Theo's shoulders but she pulled away so quickly she fell to the floor and continued to crawl until she was pressed against the wall.

"Please don't! I'm sorry! I'm sorry I just… There was BLOOD! There was so much blood! Why… Why did he? Where is he?!" McGonagall was leaning next to her whispering something but Theo couldn't hear her. She just kept seeing Remus's bones crack and reform.

"Theo, you have to calm down!"

"HOW CAN I?! HE'S A WEREWOLF!" McGonagall froze for a second before swiftly standing and walking into her room again. Theo stood quickly and followed her. "Professor! Please! We have to do something!"

"Theo, please sit down." McGonagall motioned to a plump armchair. Theo sat, bringing her legs up to her chest and rocking back and forth with her face buried in her knees. She didn't even notice when Dumbledore walked through the fire in his night robes.

"Miss Clarke, have you calmed down?" Theo snapped her head up to look at Dumbledore.

"How can I?! He's a werewolf! You have to do something!" She felt wetness on her cheeks and she realized she was crying again but she didn't care. This was bad. This was so bad.

"We know, Miss Clarke." McGonagall spoke from the fire.

"And you haven't done anything?" She felt like the world was spinning. How could they let this happen? How could they not care?

"He's a student here, there's nothing to do. He's not a danger to anyone."

"What about himself?! I know he can't hurt us! I saw him! He was locked in that house all alone tearing himself apart and screaming and… and… I'm going to be sick." Theo leaned over the edge of the chair she was sitting on and was grateful when she saw a waste basket appear just in time for her to puke right into it. When she finished she looked over to her professors through her hair. Dumbledore and McGonagall had their gazes fixed on Theo, hard and unfeeling.

"I'm- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"It's quite alright, Miss Clarke. It seems you've had quite an ordeal." Theo was scared, wondering what they were going to do. She'd just screamed at her Professors. What were they going to do to her? This was so bad. This was so, so bad. She was going to be in so much trouble. She did it again. She upset her again.

"I'm sorry…"

"Theo, how much did you see?" McGonagall was next to her resting on the armrest she wasn't draped over.

"I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to…"

"We know, Theo. You're not in trouble."

"I'm not?"

"Why would you be in trouble, Miss Clarke?" Dumbledore was seated on the floor in front of her, which Theo couldn't help but find a little strange looking. It was like looking at a horse sitting on its hind legs.

"I just… I wasn't supposed to see it…"

"You can't help it." McGonagall went to place a hand on her back but seemed to have thought better of it.

"I should be able to… I need to be better… I shouldn't be able to see it…" Theo was suddenly very tired, having issues keeping her eyes open. Everything was fuzzy.

"Who told you that?"

"Momma… Momma hates it when I see these things… I shouldn't be able to see these things… It's not right…"

They didn't try saying anything anymore. She just kept mumbling, sometimes they could understand what she was saying, other times they couldn't. Most of what she said was "I'm sorry" or "I didn't mean to" but other things came out too like "please don't scream" and "I won't tell". When she finally dozed off hanging over the edge of the chair, Dumbledore and McGonagall shared a look.

"Do you know if this happens every time?" McGonagall asked, finally daring to rub the girl's back. Dumbledore looked at her, seeming to thinks things over.

"Edmund said she never told him but he occasionally noticed strange behavior. She sometimes seemed to have a lower level of comprehension but it occurred only a handful of times a year." McGonagall nodded, continuing to rub her back.

"She regressed a great deal. Do we know what her home life is like?" Dumbledore shook his head, understanding where she might be going with this. If Theo had been punished as a child for having these visions, it might continue to affect her throughout her life.

"It could explain her behavior, but there is no way to know for sure without asking her directly."

"I went to touch her and she could not get away fast enough. I'm concerned, Albus. You know it'll only get worse."

"I know, Minerva. We can only try to prepare for what is to come. For now we let her rest."


	7. Chapter 6: Intentions

**Chapter 6: Intentions**

" _Werewolves are savage and soulless…"_

" _The best thing to do for those infected is to euthanize them; for their safety and the safety of our society…"_

" _The beast within a werewolf cannot be tamed, and will eventually take over. It's best to simply…"_

Theo slammed that book shut too. This was ridiculous. There had to be something that wasn't just the ramblings of scared and ignorant people. Most of these books weren't only about werewolves but "half breeds" in general, and all of it was trashy propaganda attempting to strike fear into the hearts of its readers. Theo had spent the day in the library, and she was now wondering if it would be more useful to just ask a bloody wolf. She'd get the same amount of useful information.

She sighed heavily and looked at the last book in her stack. There were only five, Madame Pince had said, that could help her with her research. Theo said she was attempting extra credit, but the librarian didn't seem to care one way or the other and left Theo to her own devices. Theo considered not even bothering with the last one, figuring that if the other four were so atrocious, then this one must be too. She looked at her watch and decided it was worth a shot, since she wouldn't be doing anything else today. She skimmed until she found what she was looking for and with a heavy sigh began reading.

" _There are many misconceptions about werewolves in today's society."_

 _I'll say._

" _There are many accounts stating that werewolves are savage creatures, incapable of the most basic of human emotions."_

 _Have any of you ever even met a werewolf?_

" _Some even believe that the best way to deal with werewolves is to kill them instantly to prevent any accidents."_

Theo thought of Remus, screaming in agony on that bed in the abandoned house. Theo thought of how every month was a fight for survival. Theo thought of Remus being sentenced to death for something he never wanted. Theo felt like she might be sick again.

" _This is ridiculous, of course, as werewolves are every bit human as you or I (should you identify as such). This prejudice against werewolves is borne of ignorance and it is my hope to educate people on the true plight of werewolves in society today."_

Theo was smiling, though she hadn't noticed until she felt the muscles in her cheeks begin to ache. She kept reading, eager to find something to help Remus. She was sure that this author would be able to help her and with renewed energy she continued to read.

This energy faded the more she read. It spoke of the difficulties that werewolves face, including strict Ministry guidelines and the gruesome details of transformation. Theo decided she'd seen enough of that first had and skipped that bit. She read about the wolf itself, and how it maintained a constant presence.

" _This is not to say that werewolves always feel the need to tear apart human flesh as it is wont to do on the full moon. It simply means that in the days surrounding the moon, a person with Lycanthropy will begin to show symptoms that are traditionally associated with being ill. It also means that said person may have a harder time controlling their emotions the closer they are to the full."_

Theo tried to think of those days leading up to Remus's absences. She had noticed that he seemed sick, and after he seemed rather put out as well, but she had never seen him actually lose his temper during any of these times. She supposed that it was due to the fact that it was Remus, and continued reading.

" _Due to the stigma surrounding werewolves, little has been done to ease their suffering. Some have tried and failed to search for cures, while others hope to ease the transformations. There are some methods for helping a transformed werewolf but no method can guarantee success."_

 _That's all well and good but I need something here._

" _One method that has been proven to work on multiple occasions is the company of other animals. Werewolves pose little threat to any creature other than humans, and as such can even enjoy the company of another living creature. This is not always effective for a number of reasons. Few animals are comfortable in the presence of a transformed werewolf and can react violently, often ending in harm or even death to the animal companion or werewolf._

" _Another potential issue is that if a werewolf grows accustomed to their companion and the companion is not present during a transformation (for reasons such as illness or death) the werewolf will react more violently than normal. The werewolves that have undergone the loss of a companion have said they remember a distinct feeling of hurt and confusion while transformed. It is theorized that the werewolf considers these companions as members of their pack or on occasion even their own offspring, and the loss drives the werewolf mad with grief."_

Theo took a second, feeling things click to place in her head. Remus Lupin was a werewolf. Remus Lupin tears himself apart and gets put back together every month. Remus Lupin is alone during this time, meaning either that companionship has been attempted and failed, or that companionship was not considered at all. Theo wondered for a second Remus had told anyone.

" _We need that bloody book if we're going to help Moony!"_

Realization hit Theo like a ton of bricks. No wonder they never told her what it was for. It also explained why they hadn't gone to a teacher for help. If anyone knew why they were doing it they would be shut down immediately. Theo bit her lip, wondering for a second if maybe she could do something about this. She was learning to be an Animagus after all… She remembered that James had written back to her (much to her surprise) and she still hadn't opened the letter. Maybe she could help them, if they wanted it. Setting her jaw, she closed her books with a loud smack and rushed back up to her room.

She grabbed the letter and opened it quickly, skimming the contents. She let out a giggle here and there at his ridiculousness and found that she was smiling throughout.

 _Your friend,_

 _James Potter_

Theo couldn't help but feel that was a little presumptuous. Friends? Their interactions consisted mostly of him hexing her, and three letters. She wondered if maybe this was a trick and the rug was going to be pulled out from under her and it actually seemed likely for a second. But then she thought about what she'd seen of James Potter. He wasn't intentionally cruel, just thoughtless and far too smart for his own good. If he didn't like her he wouldn't pretend to. With a heavy sigh she wrote her response, hoping she didn't sound as unnerved as she was by those two words that probably meant nothing to him at all.

That was the thing with people like James. The things they say mean nothing to them, flowing freely out of their mouths with no regard for the consequences. To him she was just another person. To her, he was the embodiment of everything she wasn't: attractive, confident, funny, kind, adventurous and rich. Of course he wouldn't care what he said to her in the end. He wouldn't think anything of throwing the word friend around because if she ever went away there was someone else somewhere waiting eagerly to take her place. If she went away there were plenty of other awkward teenage girls to bide their time with, but if James went away it would mean much more to many more people.

She finished, casually mentioning the Animagus thing like it was an afterthought, hoping he would think that she was just trying to get in on the mischief. She knew Black wouldn't buy it but hoped that James might. She didn't care if they were her friends or not. She just wanted to help Remus. Remus was too good to suffer that alone and if Theo could help then she wouldn't hesitate. She knew what suffering alone felt like and she wouldn't wish that on anyone.

When it came time to sign off the letter she found herself hesitating. What should she say? Would he be offended if she simply put "sincerely" or would he even care? Was that something people like James Potter cared about? What would it mean to her if she put "your friend" as carelessly as he had? Could she allow herself to be so casual about this? She could put it and hope that she wouldn't get too carried away before she knew for sure, but she didn't trust herself. She didn't trust herself not to lose track and get lost in their world and fall too deep.

She knew that writing down two simple words should not cause pause quite like this, but writing it made it real. Writing it made it almost like a promise. It gave physical form to an abstract thought that she could otherwise deny the existence of. Was this all really worth it? The site of Remus throwing himself at the door of the shack flashed behind her eyes and she decided in that moment that it was. This wasn't for herself anymore. She could muscle through this part, the part that involved getting close to people, if it meant they could help him. With a set jaw she confidently wrote those two dreaded words and sent the owl off.

 **(^^)**

When Theo's friend returned they seemed run down and on edge. Even Anna, who had been excited to go to France to visit her grandparents over the holidays, looked to be in a foul mood and could barely muster a smile when she saw Theo. Claire and Isabel seemed to be having a staring contest, not even bothering to eat their dinner in favor of keeping their eyes locked on one another. Finally, Isabel spoke.

"Je me suis excusé, n'a pas j'ai ?"

"Vous souciez-vous même à son sujet ? Vous êtes la raison pour laquelle que nous sommes même des amis avec elle."

"Vous voulez vous pas être ? Personne n'oblige à vous."

"Je l'aime. Je ne suis pas sûr que vous le faites, malgré toutes ces belles paroles que vous crachez."

"Vous ne pouvez pas aimer quelqu'un que vous connais depuis seulement trois mois."

"Ne soyez pas si sûr."

"Qu'est-ce avec toi, Claire ? Vous êtes jaloux qu'elle m'aime mieux ?"

"Elle fait seulement parce qu'elle a envie de vous et vous êtes juste mène."

"Qui a dit que je ne lui envie?"

There was silence now. Anna and Claire were staring at Isabel then looking to Theo before looking back at Isabel.

"Bullshit!" Claire said, stabbing an unsuspecting carrot with her fork. Theo jumped slightly in her seat, shooting looks at each of her friends and hoping that someone would kindly explain what was happening. No one seemed to notice her frantic looks.

"Don't cause a scene Claire. Anyway, how was break Theo? Did you miss us?" Isabel seemed to be batting her eyelashes more than usual, which caused Theo to blink in surprise. She hadn't understood a word of their conversation but knew that Isabel was blatantly dismissing Claire. Claire and Anna seemed to be carrying on a whispered conversation in French, much to Theo's agitation.

"I hate it when you do that, you know." Isabel looked shocked.

"Hate when we do what?"

"Speak French so I don't understand. I don't have to know everything but if you want to have a conversation without me knowing, just do so privately." Isabel's wide eyes searched Theo's face unblinkingly. Theo thought for a second that she said something wrong but then Isabel smiled and it was alright again.

"You're right, love. That was rude of us. We won't do it anymore, right guys?" She sent a pointed look at the other two. Anna nodded immediately, though Claire was glaring at Isabel again. Isabel raised an eyebrow in challenge.

"Of course we won't Theo. I'm sorry if we've upset you." Claire wasn't looking at Theo when she said it, but Theo thanked her anyway and they continued to eat amidst tense conversation. When dinner was over Theo made to follow her friends but Claire stopped her.

"Hey Theo, I need to talk to Isabel about some things in private. Is it ok if we don't hang out tonight? We'll be all yours tomorrow I promise." Theo wanted to say no but agreed anyway. She asked Anna if she wanted to go back to Gryffindor Tower with her but Anna politely declined with some poor excuse when Theo knew she just didn't want to go near the Gryffindors. Theo didn't either but she'd have to face people eventually. With a heavy sigh she walked off in the opposite direction of her friends.

When she crawled through the portrait hole she didn't expect much. Usually cutting through the common room was a simple affair of not making eye contact with anyone and rushing to her room in the least conspicuous way possible to avoid any unwelcome comments. She did not expect a boy at least ten inches taller than her to come barreling towards her and wrap her in a big bear hug.

Having been caught by surprise Theo reacted in a way she wasn't proud of. She would have preferred going stock still, or maybe just voicing her unease, but instinct kicked in before common sense and Theo pushed away with all her strength. All her strength had little effect on the boy with the messy black hair but caused her to push herself away from him and into the table behind her. With a yelp she stumbled and fell to the floor just under the table pressed to the wall.

Theo closed her eyes and rubbed her head where it had hit the table on the way down. When the pain subsided she noticed that the common room had gone quiet. Opening her eyes revealed that the entirety of the Gryffindor common room was giving her strange looks. Some turned back to what they were doing after seeing she was ok, but Dylan Davis was not so easily please.

"What the matter Clarke, scared of a little hug?" Dylan had an unnerving laugh. It had a way of digging straight into the part of her heart that would hurt the most when irritated, and Theo wished she could just disappear. This wasn't supposed to happen. She'd hoped she'd at least get one night free. How did he always seem to have the energy to hate her?

"Back off Davis," James hissed as he stood to his full height from crouching over Theo. "I just surprised her."

"Yea I bet. I'd imagine not a lot of people would want to hug her f—"

Theo had no idea what he was going to say next, as Sirius Black was now in front of him with a wand pointed at Dylan's chest. Dylan looked rather pale for such a dark skinned boy.

"Leave her alone," he hissed. Davis stared hard at Black, though he was obviously nervous.

"Since when do you stick up for her? She's—"

Sirius was whispering something Theo didn't hear, but it seemed to upset Davis a great deal. He backed away from Black as if he had burned him and disappeared into the boys' dorm. James was already in front of Theo again.

"I'm so sorry, Theo!" He reached forward a couple times though seemed to think better of it and pulled back. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's… fine." She stood up from the floor and straightened her robes. James was looking her over as if to make sure she was ok. When he seemed convinced that she was he was smiling again.

"I told you we've got your back! I wonder what Sirius said to him. He looked real put out…" James was looking towards the boys' dorms as if he could see through the wall.

"No idea," Theo mumbled as she looked herself over just to make sure there was no longer any evidence of her fall before finally looking at James. "What was with the hug?"

"What do you mean?"

"The hug. Why did you hug me?" James started laughing and Theo felt the blush rise on her cheeks. Remus walked over with Peter and gave James a questioning glance before smiling at Theo. Theo wanted to smile back, but she found she was having issues. She was suddenly very aware of the little white scars on his cheeks and neck, as well as one on his arm that was still pink. All she could see was the wolf tearing into its own leg viciously and she thought she might be sick. She'd only been in this country for 4 ½ months and she'd already puked twice. She hoped she could keep it that way for at least the next month. Remus pulled his sleeve down quickly and hid his arm behind his back.

"Theo?" Her eyes snapped back up to James, whose shoulders were still shaking slightly. "What do you mean why did I hug you? I was happy to see you!"

"Oh, ok. I'm happy to see you too James." James beamed down at her. He went to hug her again but Theo stepped back out of instinct. She mentally kicked herself for not just letting it happen but it was too late now, he already looked hurt. He went to say something but then Sirius was by his side and draping an arm over his shoulder.

"Don't scare our new friend away so quickly James." He smiled at Theo and she gave a faint one back. "Where are your friends?"

"They uh, they had some stuff they wanted to do tonight. I'll probably see them tomorrow."

"You should hang out with us tomorrow! We have this really cool thing planned for—" Sirius elbowed James in the side rather brutally, causing him to grunt. He glared at Sirius and Remus just laughed.

"They'll be up to no good. I'll be working in the library," Remus said.

"Already? We don't have another exam for a while, do we?" Theo tried to run through all her classes and the assignments but was coming up blank as to what Remus could possibly be doing.

"No I just…" Remus seemed to look to his friends for aid but they seemed unwilling to give him any. He looked back to Theo and shot her a weak smile. "I wanted to get ahead." Theo raised an eye brow, but otherwise said nothing.

"I see. Well I hope it goes well. I can't really hang out tomorrow. I have—" Theo had been prepared to lie her ass off but an unlikely hero came to her rescue.

"Sirius!" Theo actually snorted as she watched him cringe at the sound of Marlene's overly harsh voice. His arm fell off of James shoulders and his whole body began to sag as he turned to face his… whatever she was. All the boys turned to see the witch barreling towards them. Theo thought she might take this time to run up to the girls dorm but when Marlene began talking Theo found she couldn't look away, like when one drives past a car crash.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Sirius raised a brow.

"Talking with my friends," he said without a trace of annoyance but instead pure disinterest.

"Not that! What is the meaning of this note?" She pulled a piece of parchment out of her robes and shoved it into Sirius's face. Sirius looked it over and Theo wondered what it could possibly say to have Marlene so worked up.

"I think it's pretty self-explanatory, Marlene." Sirius handed the note back to her. She was red in the face now, both from anger and what looked like indignation.

"You can't do this to me!" She spluttered. Suddenly Theo understood and felt incredibly unwelcome. "What's this about? Is it about her?" Marlene thrust a bony finger in Theo's direction and Theo honestly hated her luck tonight. Marlene looked ready to pounce and Theo, while quite sure she could take her, did not want to fight tonight. She just wanted a nice warm bed and maybe something warm to drink.

"Yes," Sirius said it like it was nothing. To Sirius, it probably was nothing, but Theo was sure she was going to die. What the hell was he thinking, just throwing her under the bus like that? Did he forget that they _share a room_?

 _Fuck, she already hates me… I can never go back to my room again…_

"Since when do you care about her," Marlene hissed, crossing her arms across her chest. "You said yourself she was an ugly bint."

Theo felt the world fall out beneath her feet as everything began to spin. Why was this happening to her? Why was she here, why couldn't she be alone in her bed or with Isabel on hers just talking about something stupid like whether or not they thought it was going to snow? Why did she have to be here with them? She didn't want any of this.

"Marlene back off," Sirius hissed. Theo didn't want to hear anymore. She made a beeline for the portrait hole and climbed out despite the people calling her name behind her. She didn't care, it wasn't worth it. She didn't care what they said or what they wanted, she didn't care about any of it. All she cared about was getting away, far away from where she was the center of attention. She needed to be away from the fighting and the blaming and the hurting. She just needed to get out.

Theo didn't go very far, just far enough so that she couldn't hear the dull hum of the people inside the common room. She crouched behind a statue and sat down. She pulled her knees up to her chest. She rocked back and forth, trying to relax and clear her mind. She was hoping that if she meditated she would feel better, less vile, but she couldn't stop feeling. She was feeling so many things at once and it was overwhelming.

"Theodosia?" Someone called down the hall. She stopped rocking and remained quiet.

"Theodosia, it's me, Peter Pettigrew. I don't think we've really ever talked before…" He trailed off, seeming to lose confidence as he tended to do when things weren't going to plan. Theo felt bad for the boy, and let out an answering grunt.

"Theodosia? Where are you?" She heard Peter's feet pad across the floor in her general direction.

"Behind the statue," she mumbled just loud enough. Not a second later, Peter was sitting in front of her, looking uncomfortable. A few times he'd start to say something, then stop himself before any noise got out. Theo wanted to reassure him, but found she didn't have the will tonight. She just waited and waited until finally he seemed to work up the nerve to speak.

"When I was little I used to try and get my parents to stop fighting, but that only made it worse." Theo's jaw dropped. What the hell was he doing? They weren't friends, they'd never spoken why was he telling her this?

"They used to get really into it, you know. They calmed down once I got older. I think they just got too tired. But I remember when they'd fight they'd always drag me into it if I was too close, so I got used to running away when things got too heated."

Peter wasn't looking at her. He was looking at the palms of his hands like the held the secret to the universe, so he didn't see Theo's expression. If he had looked he would see a strange mixture of pain and understanding and shock. He kept talking.

"That's what you do too, isn't it? You don't like the fighting either." Theo nodded, even though he still wasn't looking at her. "You never fight anyone. You almost fought with Sirius before break, but that wasn't really a fight, you just kept asking questions really loudly."

They both let out a bit of a snort at that.

"Kids used to pick on me a bit during the first year. James stepped in before it got too bad, and always stood up for me because I was too weak to fight my own battles. I always just ran away. He's trying to do that for you, too." Peter finally looked up. Theo noted with astonishment how simply talking about James was enough to empower Peter. Theo smiled and nodded.

"I know he is," she whispered.

"But he doesn't realize that you don't need him to." He was still looking at her, searching for the eye contact she was trying to avoid. "He thinks you're like me, that you can't fight back. But you can, you just won't, because you don't like fighting."

"What makes you think that? How are you so sure of any of this, Peter? Maybe I'm just a great big coward. Maybe I just take it all lying down because I can't do anything else."

Peter seemed to think about this for a second. He looked like he knew the answer, but didn't know how to phrase it. "Because when someone tries to hurt you, you don't try to hide. You stick your chin up and pretend like it doesn't affect you. You hold your ground."

"Why does everyone seem to notice the chin thing? I never even knew I did it before I came here." Peter laughed quite a bit at that and Theo felt like there was a joke she wasn't getting. Peter saw her confusion and just laughed harder.

"I'm glad you find it funny, Peter."

"I'm sorry. I just wish I could show you what you look like when it happens." He laughed a little before continuing. "You do it like you want people to see it. You couldn't be more obvious if you stuck up you middle finger. Once you were writing when it happened and you were hunched over the desk and the moment someone started saying something you sat up straight and stuck up your chin while still trying to write. I could tell you couldn't see the paper very well but kept writing anyway."

Peter continued to laugh while Theo tried to remember this particular incident. She found she was coming up blank. How had she never noticed this about herself before? This thing that was apparently so obvious to other people was so completely lost on her. She wondered if maybe she only started when she got to Hogwarts.

"That's just weird," she finally said while standing up. She went to help Peter but he was already up. His laughing had subsided but the mirth had yet to leave his eyes.

"It's brilliant is what it is." They began walking back to the portrait. When they were right outside, Peter began speaking again. "James doesn't notice these things," he half whispered. "He just sees you're not fighting back and thinks it's the same as letting them win."

"I am though, aren't I?" She didn't really want to know the answer, but she waited with bated breath anyway. She cursed her body for betraying her like this and letting Peter see her weakness and her doubt.

"No, you're not. If you were, they would have stopped by now." With that they both crawled through the portrait hole and back into the common room. Theo saw the hulking figure of James coming for her again and braced herself for another hug. She had no idea putting the words "your friend" at the bottom of a note meant getting assaulted every time she came into contact with him.

Before James actually managed to get to her Sirius was in front of him, holding him back. Theo noted with no small amount of amusement that he looked like a basketball player trying to box out his opponent. She actually giggled a bit at the site.

"Hey Theodosia! Have a nice stroll? Sorry you had to see that," Sirius was speaking through huffs of laughter as James kept trying and failing to get around him. "I want to be perfectly honest with you when I say that I never once said that about you, but I will admit that I never defended you either and for that I am sorry."

James was being oddly persistent, and Theo wondered why Sirius was even keeping him from getting to her. She noted that Peter was also standing at the ready as if he was prepared to step in should Sirius fail. Remus was laughing at the scene from the couch in front of the fire and waved her over. She looked to see Sirius and James were now facing one another and were too wrapped up in their little wrestling match to notice her. Peter was watching with no small amount of awe as the two batted it out. Theo plopped down next to Remus on the couch and pulled her legs up. She smiled at him and he smiled back.

"So, be honest with me…" Remus looked at her in confusion, inviting her to continue with a nod. "Will I ever be able to sleep in my room again or has Marlene finally gone off the deep end?" Remus laughed at that, apparently finding it quite amusing. Theo would find it funny too if she wasn't actually worried about what was going to happen. Marlene had demonstrated once that she didn't mind messing with Theo's things and that was before she had anything to blame Theo for. She shuddered to think what was going to happen now.

"I think you might have to consider moving. She seemed really upset." Theo let out a heavy sigh and leaned back into the couch, letting it envelope her.

"What the hell was Black thinking?" She closed her eyes, listening to the sounds of the common room. This was the first time she actually spent time here while others were around. There was a gentle hum of conversation, as well as the random thud and shout from James and Sirius's match and even an occasional clap from Peter. It was nice.

"He meant well," Remus answered. His amusement was still evident but fading.

"How did he think blaming me for his break up would help anything?"

"He thought that by saying you were the reason, Marlene would back off." Theo snorted. "He just sort of saw it as a way of marking you as one of us. Then you'd have our protection and support."

"I don't need protecting," she muttered, feeling her whole body sag. She was getting tired… "I'm also not one of you. At best I think I'm a charity case."

"Don't let them hear you say that, James will want to hug you until you believe him. Sirius will pout, and then you're screwed." Theo had noticed Sirius's little habit of pouting to get his way. She had mostly seen it worked on her roommate but occasionally he'd turn his puppy dog eyes on one of his friends and they would begrudgingly agree to whatever he said. She wondered if she'd stand a chance against his famous pout.

"James is a bit of a hugger, huh?" Remus chuckled.

"Yea, I think Sirius tried telling him you didn't appreciate it but then you walked in. I'm surprised he got to James in time."

"Why does he want to hug me? He doesn't hug you guys," she grumbled as she rolled onto her side and rested her head on the armrest.

"I don't think you'll like the reason much." Theo sat up and looked at Remus dead in the eye.

"There's an actual reason that has been discussed?" Remus seemed confused by her sudden change in mood. It went from lazy banter to an interrogation so quick he found himself tripping over his words.

"I-I mean, its n-nothing bad…"

"No I get that, but like you guys talk about me?"

Remus was really confused now. He thought that maybe she was upset about the reason, or maybe she thought they were being rude. He thought he'd see offense when he looked in her eyes but instead he only saw shock and… fear?

"Sometimes, why?"

"It's nothing, I just thought that… never mind. Why does James hug me and no one else?" Remus and Theo were familiar, but they weren't quite close enough for Remus to push a subject Theo wasn't comfortable talking about so he let it drop but promised to ask again when she seemed less jumpy. She relaxed back into her original position, closing her eyes again.

"His exact words were 'she's so small and vulnerable I just want to wrap her up and keep her safe.'" Theo snorted again.

"That's ridiculous. I am neither small nor cute." Remus wanted to say something to deny it. He wanted to say that she was wrong, or that James was right, or just do something but he didn't know how. He could see the way Theo curled in tighter, burying her face into the armrest to hide it from his view. She was scared and vulnerable, being here with them.

She was humoring them, Remus realized. She wasn't agreeing to being their friend, or letting them get close. She didn't trust them. She was here because right now she had nowhere else to go. Her friends were busy and her roommate was on a rampage, leaving her stranded with people who had done nothing to ease her transition from one school to another and only just expressed interest in befriending her. She was out on a limb just hoping they wouldn't snap it beneath her.

Remus wondered what she was thinking right now, curled up in the common room with so many people around. She probably wouldn't even go up to her room tonight, just deciding to sleep here until the morning when Marlene had already left. He wondered if she ever felt afraid because if she did he'd never seen it since the first day of lessons. Even then, her fear and trepidation were short lived. He wondered how deep those words cut her, and wondered why he'd never said anything to stop it. He just always thought that she didn't need his help, but seeing her so vulnerable he couldn't help but realize that even if she didn't need the help, she probably wanted it. She must have felt so alone.

"Lily, my love!" Remus turned his head to the entrance of the girl's dorms where the redhead stood, arms crossed and hip jutting out. She zeroed in on Sirius and walked straight toward him, looking ready to kill.

"Sirius Black, what the hell were you thinking?!" Sirius went to reply but Lily was speaking again. "Of all the ways to end things with that Harpy, you chose a note? And then you top it all off with blaming Theodosia?"

Remus looked back to the couch to see a sleeping Theo, completely unaware of the fight that was about to ensue on her behalf. He gently laid the blanket he had been using over Theo, taking care to cover her ears before casting a silencing charm. She had dealt with enough for one day, he decided.

"I didn't blame Theodosia! I just said her actions towards Theodosia were the reason I ended things! There's a difference." Sirius took on a stance very similar to Lily's, popping his hip out in a manner so like Lily's that Remus would have thought he was doing it on purpose if he hadn't seen that exact pose only an hour ago when he was fighting with Marlene.

"Of course there is but do you think she knows that? Couldn't you have listed any one of her other faults? Honestly, she has enough."

"Don't be rude, Evans."

"I'm the rude one? You used a note, Sirius. Not even a well written one! ' _It's been fun. No longer yours, Sirius.'_ Honestly, have you no shame?"

"Well it was fun."

"That is not the point!" Lily's face almost matched her hair. They hadn't been yelling very loudly, but people were looking at them now. Lily had stomped her foot in fury, and Sirius did the same. The two continued to bicker while other students made their way out of the common room one by one. James and Peter came to sit by Remus, and James nearly lost it with how cute he thought Theo was all tucked in.

"She's just so precious!"

"Honestly James, can you be any more of a girl?" It was a testament to just how far James had fallen if even Peter was calling him out on it. James huffed and sat on the floor in front of Theo. He glanced at her before adopting a serious look.

"Silencing charm?" Remus nodded. "Good, she's had a long day. Her friends have been fighting a lot, too."

Remus and Peter nodded. They had all heard the fight that broke out on the Hogwarts express. It had all been in French, but Sirius translated (begrudgingly) and said they were talking about loyalties. When pressed for more details Sirius said they were being painfully vague, saying things like "It's not about _that_ " and "You should know better than to do _this._ " There was one part that piqued their interest however. One of them had shouted in perfect English, "Has anyone stopped to think how she might be feeling?" and they could only assume the she in question was Theo.

After that the fight had calmed but the tension didn't seem to die and if Theo wasn't with them it probably meant they were still going at it. Remus wondered what that could mean for Theo in the months to come. He also wondered how this was going to affect their group as well. James seemed eager to take Theo in as he had Peter, though Remus could not understand why. Remus had encouraged their friendship with Peter, seeing what the boy was going through and needing to do something. James was reluctant at first but Peter proved his worth and soon James took on the role as Peter's protector and idol.

Remus understood that James loved the attention, but Theo seemed reluctant to give him any. Remus recognized what she was doing and he'd only spent an hour with her. He knew that she was trying to keep people away because he had done the very same thing the first year. He wondered how long she was going to last against James's efforts, seeing as he lasted all of a month before finally giving in.

 **(^^)**

Theo lasted over two months and was still going strong. She didn't avoid them she just didn't really tell them anything or initiate conversation or spend time with them unless they asked (begged) her to. She was friendlier with Peter than she was with others, Remus noted. She'd sometimes get really excited about something, run up to Peter, whisper it in his ear and they would both laugh before Theo danced off to spend time with her actual friends leaving James and Sirius to badger Peter. Peter said he was sworn to secrecy but Remus was fairly certain he just enjoyed being the one who was getting the attention from the pretty girl.

And she was a pretty girl, if you asked Remus. You might get a different answer from Marlene and Marta, who would say she resembled a cow (or something equally as insulting) but that wasn't true. She was pudgy, but definitely not fat like others would sometimes say. She had high cheekbones not unlike Sirius's and her hair was such a wonderful color that Remus would sometimes watch it change colors from strawberry blonde to brown to red depending on the lighting. He wasn't the only one who noticed the many colors of Theo's hair and James was convinced that it was charmed that way. Remus knew that she wasn't what one would call a standard beauty but to call her ugly would be a lie. He also assumed he was a bit biased since he enjoyed her company immensely.

She seemed particularly nice to Remus the closer he got to his transformation, but Remus couldn't be sure if that was just coincidental timing or his imagination. She didn't dote on him like he noticed her do when her friends were sick, she just gave him chocolate during breakfast the two days leading up to the full, and during potions she wouldn't try and force him to work if he didn't want to. He assumed it was just something she did when people were sick, but when Sirius had caught the flu she avoided him to avoid getting sick as well. Sirius had been upset about that.

"She hates me! I'm telling you she hates me!" James was trying to get Sirius to relax into his bed but Sirius kept sitting up and ranting. "She never even looks at me unless she has to. She has never made eye contact with me once. I can't even tell you what color her eyes are!"

James sighed from his trunk. "They're hazel, now will you calm down? You know she doesn't like eye contact." Sirius crossed his arms and pouted. Sirius always acted a bit like a spoiled brat when things weren't going his way but it is apparently much worse when he was sick. Remus wished he would get better so he wouldn't have to listen to him whine.

"Yea but at least she makes eye contact with you. I accidentally brushed my arm against her and she jumped like I'd burned her or something!"

"You know she hates getting touched. She does that with everyone except for her friends." Peter was trying to help, Remus knew, but that only seemed to upset Sirius more and cause James to reply indignantly that they were her friends too. Remus snorted from his bed and was sure that he was getting a few dirty looks but he pretended they weren't there and just kept on with his homework.

Now it was two days before the full and he was feeling the effects. It was Thursday, which meant that he had potions with Theo again. She had already given him his chocolate and was doing most of the work for the potions though Remus was able to help. He noticed that she kept looking over at him, but pretended to ignore it. However, as the lesson bore on he found he was getting rather annoyed. Finally he spoke up.

"Is something wrong?" He didn't mean to sound as harsh as he did, but this close to the full he was more on edge that he normally was. Theo jumped and nearly stabbed her finger with the blade she was using to chop the last of the ingredients.

"What?" She seemed just as on edge as he was, but he pushed on regardless.

"You keep looking at me, am I doing this wrong? Because if I am you can just say something, you don't have to keep giving me that look." Theo's face had gone pale as she looked at him. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was hanging open slightly. Remus just stared back at her with hard eyes.

"I… you just didn't look like you were feeling good so I was worried. And you are actually stirring that a little too roughly…" Remus could not explain why he was so upset. He supposed part of it was the fact that he was being so obvious about his discomfort before the full, but it was more than that. He remembered how upset Sirius had been that she didn't try to comfort him when he was sick, and how James got upset every time she chose her other friends over them. He was upset with her because she was hurting them and on a normal day he understood the reasons for her distance but not when she only seemed to break the rules for Remus when he was sick from his lycanthropy.

"Why do you care if I'm sick? It's not like we're friends, right?"

Remus regretted the words the instant they left his mouth. Theo's mouth shut with a click and she lifted her chin and set back to work without another glance in his direction for the rest of class. He didn't mean it so much in the sense that he didn't want to be friends with her, more so that she didn't want to be friends with them. But he knew what that must have sounded like to her and he felt terrible. Thankfully James didn't seem to notice the little exchange, but that was little consolation to Remus when Theo looked like she did when someone said something awful to her.

When the bell rang she darted out of the room so fast that even her own friends couldn't catch up. Claire shot them a look but didn't say anything. Remus hung his head in shame all through his classes and all the way back to the common room. When they entered they noticed that Theo was sitting on the couch, which was an odd occurrence. Theo only spent time in the common room when she was with them. She was reading something, but when she saw them she shut it and stood up. She had a determined look on her face as she walked towards them. She was incredibly stiff, looking at the ground nervously. Her hands were clenched tight at her sides. She looked incredibly strange like this. Remus realized it was the first time she looked truly nervous and embarrassed.

"Hey Theo, is everything ok?" James asked when she came to a halt in front of them. Remus was nervous. She must be here to tell them off or tell James exactly what Remus said. He felt terrible and was sure that he deserved whatever James was going to say when she told them. James was almost a foot taller than her and incredibly lanky, making Theo look incredibly small when standing next to him. She looked even smaller when she refused to look up and kept her arms resolutely to her sides.

Then Theo took a deep breath and wrapped her arms around James's waist.


	8. Chapter 7: The Ties That Bind

**Chapter 7: The Ties That Bind**

Claire liked to think of herself as a good person. She knew that she was abrasive and blunt, and demanded a lot of respect but when it came down to it, she thought she was a good person. She didn't always think this, though. For a very long time she thought she was a terrible person and what made her rather sick was that she thought that was better. She used to think that being rude and demanding and over all very pompous was a good thing, and strove day and night to be just like her older brother who truly was the picture of pureblood ideals.

Claire hadn't realized how incredibly wrong this mentality was until her second year of Hogwarts. She was friends with Andrew Fawley, one of the other pureblood children in her house. They were a successful and intimidating duo that succeeded in every endeavor set before them. They were beautiful and smart and powerful and Claire felt there was no greater feeling than this. Here, at this moment, she was on top of the world; she could only keep climbing until she reached the stars.

It's important to know that Claire Parkinson had never been good at containing her emotions or holding her tongue. If she was unhappy then she made sure everyone was aware. This generally led to her getting an extra piece of cake or the shiniest new toy in the shop. However, as time progressed and her mind matured she began to see things differently. As a child who often spoke her mind and was rewarded for it, it was shocking the first time she experienced discipline for this act.

Her Aunt Cathy was her father's sister and, from what Claire understood as a child, a very stupid woman. She was still family however, and therefore deserved respect and love. Claire had never noticed that "love" was not actually used by her family, but Claire was not unfamiliar with the concept. She had read enough books (even muggle ones if they were available) to understand that the bond of family that her parents always spoke of could be nothing other than love. It was these ideals that were her undoing, she realized a year later when she met Theodosia Clarke.

Aunt Cathy was not yet an old woman but none could say the once youthful shine in her eyes still glimmered. She had dark brown hair and tanned skin, with soft blue eyes. She bared no resemblance to Claire's mother and had a certain look about her that separated her from the rest of the Parkinson family and even her own family, the Flints. Claire didn't think much of her strange aunt until she turned nine and had a strange conversation with her over the winter holidays. Claire was a smart child, but not smart enough to truly understand the weight of the conversation until much later in life.

"I love you," her aunt had mumbled into her hair as she held Claire's body to her torso, pulling the small girl onto her lap. Claire, who had never actually heard those words spoken to her before, had only a vague idea as to what the proper response might be.

"I know," she whispered. She kissed her aunt on the cheek as she often did when she was addressing family. It wasn't a warm kiss of affection but rather a chaste kiss of acknowledgment. Aunt Cathy chuckled.

"Do you love me too?" Claire was taken aback by the question, thinking the answer would be obvious if they were family. Family loved one another; that was how it goes. Nothing was more important than who your family was.

"Of course I do, silly. Don't be daft." A swift smack up the head told Theo she had said something wrong though she was not yet sure what. She simply apologized and made to get off of her aunt's lap but she was held firmly in place.

"You're nothing like your brother," Aunt Cathy whispered into her hair. Claire was offended by this passive comment, finding this to be the ultimate disgrace. Her brother was perfect in every way. He was what she aspired to be and being told she wasn't even close was a great offense.

"I am too!" She tried to wiggle out of her Aunt's grip but she held firm.

"No, not in the ways that count. I don't want you to lose this part of you, no matter what happens, ok? I don't care what your mother and father say, I want you to hold on to the things that make you who you are."

Claire remembered this offense for the following three years and while it held a special place in her heart, it was not something she found herself thinking about often. All she thought about was being better so that she could be more like her brother. She was determined to prove her strange aunt wrong. She would show her that she could be as powerful as her brother. More so, if she tried hard enough. She would make her family proud.

Claire's opinions began changing rapidly during the winter holidays of her second year at Hogwarts, in which she heard some very shocking news.

"Dead, just like that!"

"Daft woman should have seen a healer."

"Serves her right, mingling with those half-bloods…"

Claire wondered who could have died, but before she could make her presence known her mother was speaking again.

"Damn Cathy. I told her she needed to get her head on straight but did she listen?"

Cathy? They couldn't mean Aunt Cathy, could they? She was so young and healthy… She shouldn't be dead. And why were they so calm? Someone from their family was dead! Nothing was more important than family and one of them was dead! This wasn't right. Claire's world seemed to shift beneath her feet as she listened to her mother and her grandmothers continue to speak.

"She was always a stubborn runt. Lucky she died before I disowned her. Marrying a mudblood? How absurd," her grandmother spoke as if she had something between her lips and Claire could only assume it was one of those smoking sticks her grandmother always had on her. Claire couldn't understand this. Her Aunt wasn't engaged as far as she knew. What was happening? How could they be happy that she was dead? She was _family_!

"It is rather fortunate that she passed before she could disgrace the family," her mother said idly, as if discussing the weather. Claire could not take it anymore and marched into the room, jaw set as she was taught and began verbally assaulting her family. She yelled and yelled about how Cathy was family and they were supposed to love her. She yelled about how they couldn't leave her behind and how they should mourn her death, not celebrate it. She only stopped when her grandmother's hand collided with her cheek and even then she turned her eyes back to her _family_ and snarled.

From then on it became abundantly clear to Claire that family did not mean to her parents what she had once thought. Her family was a cage, a gilded cage meant to be beautiful and binding. There was a golden ball and chain attached to her ankle that held her to them. She was not so much their daughter as she was a pawn. She was meant to do as they said without question and act with no remorse. She was blinded by the idea of familial ties in the looping red ribbons but now the chains were pronounced and heavy. She was disillusioned and with this knowledge she found strength. Her Aunt Cathy had been right all along; she was nothing like her brother. She knew love, when he clearly knew none.

She felt sorry for him.

 **(^^)**

Isabel was not one for arguments. She found them to be draining and ineffective. She felt the most effective methods of persuasion were actions though she never underestimated the power of words. She found that attempting to change a person's mind rarely worked and in general chose to keep her opinions to herself. Many took this to mean she agreed with them and she found herself in the good graces of most of her family. She knew that this could have the opposite effect as well, and there would be people who saw her silence as offensive. This was fine. She rarely sought anyone's approval, simply their respect.

And even as a child she had a great deal of respect. She was a talented young girl who showed promising signs of a good future. Her parents believed that she would find a fantastic husband and carry on their blood. She never voiced that she found it disgusting, being auctioned off like some kind of broodmare. She knew her worth stretched beyond that of reproducing and raising her family status, but she kept this knowledge to herself. She would bide her time and perhaps, one day, prove to the others with her success that she was greater than she could ever realize.

Being placed into Slytherin was not a surprising thing to her. They valued cunning and success and power, all of which she had and craved. She got along well with the others in her house and made connections immediately. In light of all of this she never had any real friends. There was no one to tell when she was scared or angry or hurting. She kept a straight face and held her tongue and played the part like she was supposed to. It was draining.

Meeting Claire Parkinson was a strange experience. She seemed to embody everything Isabel despised and while she was the daughter of a powerful family, Isabel did not take time to humor her like she did the other children. Claire never seemed to notice this until their second year at Hogwarts, in which she approached Isabel in the common room.

"You're Greengrass, right?"

Isabel raised an eyebrow but nodded anyway. It wouldn't do to be on her bad side, anyway.

"Good, I've heard about you. Fancy a walk?" Isabel was taken aback by her calloused behavior but was nodding before she even realized it. She left her things at the table and followed the strange girl out of the common room and into the empty corridors. Claire took Isabel to a quiet hallway some distance from the common room before finally stopping.

"So what is this about, Parkinson?" Claire shifted from foot to foot. She was uncomfortable and wanted to make that plain to anyone who was looking. Isabel wondered how she could be so open with her emotions to a complete stranger.

"I've seen you around. You don't act like the others."

"I don't?"

"You don't," Claire confirmed, seeming to gain confidence. "You don't really rock the boat. Everyone thinks you're just like them but they're wrong."

"What are you getting at?"

"Due to some recent events I am without friends. I need someone who gets me, and I think you're the perfect fit." Isabel could not believe her luck. This girl she had been unable to befriend was offering her friendship so willingly, as if the universe itself was smiling down on her. She hastily agreed.

She found quickly that being friends with Claire Parkinson was much different than she was lead to believe. She shared a room with the girl but she rarely ever spoke. She always thought that Claire was a pureblood through and through like her brother in the seventh year, and that she thrived in the pureblood ways. Being friends with her now showed a much different person. She would rant and rave about the injustice of it all and how they were worse off than muggleborns. She talked about how ridiculous she found fancy parties and social events that did nothing and proved less. Isabel found that she agreed with a great deal of what she was saying, but she never did so openly. She would listen to Claire like a good friend and Claire would never let Isabel out of her site. Isabel had been friendly to people but she never walked to class with anyone, she never sat with the same person at lunch daily, she certainly never went so far as to hug any of them but Claire believed that this was necessary.

Isabel's patience with Parkinson was waning as winter turned to spring, and it disappeared altogether when Isabel was attempting to befriend a first year who had some important parents. Claire had barged in and told the kid to beat it if he knew what was good for him, then began to openly discuss how terrible she found him and his family. The kid wasn't even out of earshot. Isabel's patience was nowhere in sight and in a fit of uncharacteristic anger she grabbed Claire's sleeve and dragged her off. When they were finally alone she turned on her "friend".

"What is your problem," she hissed. "You walk around all day like you own the school and you insult anyone you disagree with. You're a Parkinson, for Merlin's sake! How can you be so obvious?! You can't just do that!"

Claire seemed unimpressed by her friend's little tangent and turned to go back to the common room. Isabel grabbed her shoulders and pinned her to the wall. "Don't you dare! Just because you think with a clearer head than half of these useless kids doesn't mean you get to just write them off! You have a family to think about!"

"My family means nothing more to me than I am to them. They are a means to an end. You know that, you think the same way." Isabel was taken aback by how freely she talked about such things.

"You can't just—"

"Of course I can, and so can you. The sooner you realize that playing your part is holding you back, the sooner you can actually get somewhere. I don't know about you, but I don't plan on riding their coattails my entire life."

"How can you be so careless?!"

"I'm not careless, I'm independent. Now the sooner you work your way through your little crisis of identity, the sooner we can get to work."

"Get to work?"

"Yea," Claire said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I need to talk to Anna Hart. She's like a bloody genius when it comes to charms and I have an idea…"

Isabel surmised that she would never really understand Claire, but she felt something for her that was undeniably different to anything she had ever felt before. She learned eventually that this is what friendship was like, and never felt as strongly for anyone as she did for Claire until she met Theodosia Clarke.

 **(^^)**

Sirius did not need much attention.

That was a lie. Sirius loved attention in all of its forms. What Sirius didn't need much of was good attention. As long as the people who were important to him still smiled at him in the morning then it wouldn't be so bad that his mother had written her disappointment quite eloquently on an expensive piece of parchment in swirling cursive handwriting. It didn't matter that his little brother still pretended that he didn't exist and it especially didn't matter that he spent the holidays with the people who seem to hate him most in the world.

What Sirius could not handle was no attention at all and that was what Theodosia Clarke was guilty of. He may have been sick and irrational when he complained that she hated him but he wasn't wrong when he said she never talked to him or that she cringed from his touch like he pressed hot iron to her skin. She would rather pretend he wasn't there at all and when she couldn't she made herself as closed off as possible. Sirius had never experienced avoidance quite like this. This was a person who was well versed in the art of ignoring things that upset her. It wasn't like his brother who couldn't help but shoot him looks during meals when he thought Sirius wasn't looking, or exes who turned up their nose and scowled when they saw him. Theo seemed to have no feelings at all towards him, and if you asked Sirius, that was worse than hate. That made him irrelevant.

Sirius would often complain about this, and James would often say she'll warm up to him. That was easy for James to say, she smiled at him. _Smiled!_ Sirius was lucky to get a look and James not only got acknowledged, but he also got a positive reaction. Sirius, of course, had made an effort to get Theo to talk to him. And she would, technically, talk to him but he wouldn't consider what they did as _talking_. It was more like Sirius spoke at her and occasionally she would speak at him. He threw words at her like rocks at a window and sometimes the window would crack but the person behind the window was never present.

He went so far as to try and ask her about herself, knowing that she could not say she wasn't ignoring him if he asked and she didn't answer. Naturally, she answered but not surprisingly it was clipped and cautious.

" _What's your favorite subject?"_

" _Transfiguration."_

" _Why?"_

" _The theory is fascinating."_

" _Cool. I like Defense Against the Dark Arts."_

" _Good for you."_

And then she'd either continue what she was doing or do something else for the sake of doing anything that was not talking to him. He made similar attempts and had similar results. One day he was so frustrated he said the first thing that came to mind and found that this was both better and worse because she actually responded but it had been incredibly negative and brief. Sirius did this twice. The first went something like this.

" _Is it true you like Greengrass?"_

" _Who the hell told you that?!"_

" _No one! I just… I thought…"_

" _Well keep your thoughts to yourself, would you?"_

And the second went something along these lines.

" _I heard you had a bit of a fit on Christmas."_

" _Yes and I heard you had a wonderful time with your mother."_

Sirius found he did not want to continue after that. He should have known that Greengrass and Parkinson would talk about his little… argument with his mother during a dinner party. It had ended very badly and he had yet to even mention to James that home life was less than stellar. He always told his friends that it was boring at worst and they didn't seem to believe him when he had that nasty bruise on his shoulder. He said he had fallen down the stairs and that wasn't a complete lie though the truth was more like "I fell down the stairs because my house elf pushed me and got rewarded by my mother for it."

So after that brief conversation Sirius reverted back to his old methods with the same lack of success until finally he couldn't take it anymore and he found himself waiting outside of the Slytherin common room entrance waiting for a particular group of girls. Instead, he only caught Greengrass.

"What can I help you with?" She was always friendly, especially when a pureblood heir was involved.

"I have some questions about Theo," he blurted rather ungracefully. He mentally kicked himself for his bluntness.

"Oh? And you can't ask her because…?" She seemed amused by his suffering. Her light smile grew wider when he began shifting from foot to foot at her question. This was ridiculous. He was Sirius Black! He was not about to let Theo win.

"She and I don't get on," he said much more confidently than he felt. She chuckled, and Sirius actually felt his cheeks heat up.

"So I've heard. Still, she answers your questions, no? You should still be able to ask her whatever it is you want to know."

"I don't find it very enjoyable to ask people why they hate me." Isabel chuckled a little harder at that.

"She doesn't hate you, Black. If you took the time to stop feeling sorry for yourself you would have noticed. Now if that's all?" She made to go around him to her dorm but he stepped in front of her, blocking her path.

"She does hate me though! She never talks to me, never even looks at me unless she has to!"

Isabel let out a long, exasperated sigh. "I thought you were smart…"

"Excuse me?"

"She's doesn't hate you, you simpleton. She's scared of you."

Whatever Sirius had been expecting, it certainly hadn't been that. She felt like someone had dumped ice water all over him and then punched him in the gut just for good measure. Sirius had never wanted anyone to be afraid of him. Fear was what people used to control other people. Fear was felt when you have no idea how someone is going to react to what you're doing or worse, knowing how they are going to react to something you can't control.

"What… why? Why would she…?" Isabel rolled her eyes.

"Because she still thinks that you're going to turn around and start being awful to her again."

"Why would I do that?!"

"You didn't have a reason the first time, why would you now?" She scrunched up her nose as if she smelled something awful. "Actually, you did. She was an easy target. You were hurting and so you took it out on the one person who you knew wouldn't fight back. She still won't fight back, so what's going to stop you?"

Sirius was taken aback. How dare she? She didn't even know him? He didn't know what he was feeling or his motives. She had no place to say that to him! His gut was twisting and turning in an uncomfortable way and Sirius began to wonder if it would ever feel right again. He wanted to be sick and yell all at the same time because someone thought that of him. Someone thought that he used them as his own personal punching bag. _Theo_ was afraid to be around him because he… he took his anger out on her like the ass that he was.

"How do I fix it?"

"What?"

"How do I make it so she isn't scared to be around me? I apologized twice… I just want us to get along." And Sirius really meant that. Nothing seemed more important to him right now than getting Theo to like him. James adored her and, if Sirius was being honest with himself, he understood why. They would huddle close together sometimes and discuss the best way to accomplish a prank that James had thought up or how they were going to find every secret passage in the building. Peter was fond of her too and she seemed to really enjoy his company as well. The boy never seemed happier than when he was talking to Theo about muggle things and how different they were in America than they were here. Remus seemed to truly enjoy her company as well. She was always sweet to him and incredibly patient during their potions lessons, even if he messed it up. They would work together on homework and they were discussing their shared interest in learning how to knit.

They all had their own little things with Theo. They were all friends with Theo. They all seemed to really care for her and Sirius wanted something like that with her too. If she was truly as wonderful as they said, then there must be something they could enjoy together, right? Sirius hated feeling like an outsider at Hogwarts when he already felt it so acutely at home.

Isabel looked him up and down, as if trying to assess his sincerity. She didn't trust him in the slightest he realized. She had seen his as the Black family heir for too long to know anything else of him. So what if he was in Gryffindor? To her, he was still the same. She didn't trust her best friend to people like him.

"That's not really up to you." She spoke slowly, waiting for a reaction. When none came she continued. "If you really want her to trust you, do those good things you Gryffindors are known for and at some point she might come around. There's nothing you can stage that will change her mind. It has to be genuine."

Isabel sauntered off without a backward glance, leaving Sirius feeling even more hopeless than when he started. His limbs suddenly felt too heavy and the thought of making it all the way back to Gryffindor Tower from the dungeons seemed impossible. Each step seemed to take more and more out of him and the closer he got the more lost he felt. There was nothing he could do. She was going to be afraid of him forever. All he had to do was stand in the same room and she would be tense and concerned, constantly looking over her shoulder and wondering if now was the time when he used her to make himself feel better.

Isabel had a point, whether he liked it or not. He thought about the first day and how vulnerable she looked. He had already disliked her because she got his mother all riled up. She had almost been calm when she was dropping him and Regulus off, and for a second he thought she might even smile. It wouldn't be for him of course, but it would be there and it would be _something_ better than the months of screaming and never finding peace. Then Theo had run into her and it all came crashing down right before his eyes.

Then she sat in his seat! If it had been anyone else Sirius would have let it slide but he couldn't. She was the cause for his hurt on the platform and in his mind she needed to pay. He knew James only went along with Sirius in pranking her and generally making her life harder because he was trying to be a good mate, but he knew that James didn't always like it and sometimes even spoke out if Theo was looking particularly run down.

That was the other thing. She was always tired. Didn't she ever sleep? She had to, right? How could she always seem so exhausted? What did she have to be upset or tired about? Now he had a long list of things that she was probably upset about and he was near the top if not number one itself.

But no matter how tired or upset she was she never took it out on others. He never noticed until she had yelled at him in the Great Hall but she would rather let everyone insult her if it meant she didn't have to fight them in the end. Peter had mentioned before that Theo didn't like fighting but he had blown his friend off at the time, thinking he couldn't possibly know anything about her. They never even talked before! But he started to think his friend was too perceptive by half and had a very valid point.

When Sirius finally made it to the portrait and gave the password his stomach was twisting and turning again with the knowledge that Theo was probably up in their dorms. After she had hugged James the night before he refused to let the little American out of his site. He dragged her from class to class with his arm wrapped with hers as if wanted to broadcast her to the world. Sirius had been sure that Theo would have told him off but she seemed amused by the whole thing. She would smile wide at James in a way that Sirius had not yet seen before on her face and for a second Sirius could only think one thing: beautiful.

Sirius reached his dorm to see Theo and Peter playing chess on the floor with James on the bed reading a Quidditch Magazine. It was a peaceful sight and Sirius considered leaving his friends to their peaceful night instead of interrupting it. But then the strangest thing happened. Theo noticed him in the doorway first and seemed to tense for a second. Sirius felt his stomach drop and resigned himself to leaving when she smiled wide at him. Sirius was frozen in place. She was smiling at him? Sirius looked over his shoulder before he could stop himself just to make sure Remus was not standing behind him.

"Sirius," she said kindly like they were the closest of friends. "I was wondering when you were going to show up. We didn't want to start without you."

"What?" He was gaping slightly, he realized and at least mustered enough control over himself to shut his mouth fully. "Start what?"

"Theo suggested this amazing idea! She thought we could head out to Hogsmeade, have a snowball fight and then finish it off with some butterbeer!" James was sitting up, magazine forgotten on the floor.

"That's not entirely right. I said 'hey, I need to practice my Animagus transformation outside at night, wanna come?' and then they got ahead of themselves." She was shooting James an affectionate smile that he eagerly returned. Sirius felt his stomach twist again. What the hell was this? A few hugs and now their best friends? Didn't she have her own friends? He was about to make a snappy retort on just that when he remembered.

 _You were hurting and so you took it out on the one person who you knew wouldn't fight back._

Shit. He was turning into such a girl.

Forty-five minutes later they were engaging in a brutal snowball fight in which Peter and Theo were teaming up to conquer James and Sirius and were doing a mighty fine job of it. Theo was quick and surprisingly good at dodging anything that came her way. She would dance around and distract James and Sirius while Peter snuck around the sidelines and pelted them when they least expected it. It shouldn't have been a surprise that a well thought out plan such as theirs was more effective than the rapid fire method James and Sirius had adopted. In the end, they were forced to surrender and Theo stood victoriously on a rock.

The good times were interrupted however by a howling noise that came from the direction of the shrieking shack. They all whipped around to see the lone building in the distance, any good mood they had vanishing into the cold night. James and Sirius exchanged a glance before looking at Theo. Theo looked worse off than them having gone so pale she looked lifeless in the glow of the full moon above. She swayed for a second, dropped down from the rock and promptly vomited. Peter was at her side in an instant, holding her hair back as she retched. Sirius wondered how Peter just knew to do that and how James just knew that rubbing circles on her back would make her stop shaking. How did they just know what to do? Sirius was still standing about ten feet away watching the scene with confusion and helplessness.

"What happened?" James asked when it seemed she had gotten it all out. "Are you ok? We can head back now if you'd like." Theo was shaking her head even as James spoke.

"No, I'm fine. I feel much better now. I'm sorry about that. Let's just go get those butterbeers, yea? I still haven't tried them." She was walking off with her chin in the air like she always did and the boys simply followed suit. Theo's spirit seemed to lift again once she was inside as she looked around in amazement at everything. It was a pub, nothing more or less. He didn't understand her fascination.

"I haven't been here yet. It's cozy," she said with a smile as she sipped her butterbeer.

"You haven't? Didn't your friends take you during the Hogsmeade weekends?"

"Nah, my mom wouldn't sign the sheet so I'm not allowed to go."

"Why wouldn't she?" James seemed outraged that a parent would deny their child such a chance but Sirius understood. His parents refused to sign his sheet as well.

"Thought it would teach me a lesson or something," she mumbled as she continued to look around. Sirius realized, possibly before the other two, that she was probably saying more on the topic than she meant to. She was so engrossed in the many small aspects of the room that she didn't even notice the strange looks that Peter and James were sharing. They were confused, but Sirius found he truly understood. That was his mother's reasoning as well. James and Peter seemed to understand enough to not press the topic, but Sirius wanted to know more. He wanted to know just how similar their home lives were. He vowed to ask when there weren't so many people around.

For the rest of the night they continued to drink and chat and laugh like the best of friends and more than once, Sirius wished that Remus was here with them. He would love this side of his friends; the side that smiled and laughed and just talked. There was no scheming, there was just friendship and Sirius always forgot how precious moments like this could be.

The night wasn't over once they left Hogsmeade. They stayed up until dawn, not really talking at all about what was keeping them all up. They were situated in front of the dying fire, huddled close together in a way that was a little unusual for them. Theo was giving Sirius an odd look for about five minutes before finally resolving to say something.

"Why do you keep your hair so long and refuse to tie it up?" Sirius could do nothing but blink at her a few times. She took this as an invitation to continue. "Do you not know how? I could teach you."

"I…" Sirius had never thought much about the length of his hair. He only kept it this long to annoy his family and to be perfectly honest it did get in the way a lot but he never really thought of tying it up as an option. "Sure, I guess."

"Good," she beamed. His stomach did a flip. "Get out your wand."

"You use magic on your hair?!" he was shocked and more than a little reluctant. While Sirius did not actually put much thought into the length of his hair, he rather liked it and did not want to risk messing up its perfect texture.

"Don't be ridiculous. It's a trick you can do until you get actual hair ties. Here, I'll show you." She had brandished her own wand and placed it on the floor in front of her. A few hand movements, and twist or two, and then she took her wand and stuck it through the little ball at the back of her head and let it go. To Sirius's utter astonishment, it stayed.

"You can do that without magic?" Theo just laughed but spent the next half hour trying to teach Sirius the concept of a bun and how to actually get his hair into one. His hair was just long enough to make this possible, nowhere near as long as Theo's, but Sirius was determined even after Theo said there were other ways. That didn't matter, he wanted this way. Theo laughed as she watched him struggle but he kept trying over and over, getting closer with each failed attempt until finally he had his hair wrapped into a messy bun at the back of his head, held in place by his wand.

Sirius was so excited to have had a prolonged conversation with Theo that he did not want it to end. He asked him what else he could do with his hair and she offered to braid it. Sirius was reluctant but since Theo was being so generous he found he could not refuse. She sat on the couch and motioned for him to sit between her knees. Sirius had never found himself in this position before. No one had ever touched his hair, partly because few were close enough to even attempt, and mostly because he didn't let anyone touch his hair. But there he was, kneeling in front of Theo as she gently combed her hair through his thick, straight locks. Occasionally her nails would lightly graze his scalp and the more she ran her hands through it, the more relaxed Sirius felt. She would tug a little too roughly a few times but overall Sirius found it to be an exceptionally pleasant experience and hoped that whatever mood Theo was in did not vanish when the morning came because he wanted her to do this again and again.

When she finished Sirius didn't bother going up to the bathroom to look and instead chose to just stay sitting in front of Theo as the four continued to talk. Eventually they found themselves playing exploding snap and Theo had produced a deck of muggle playing cards. Her and Peter attempted to teach Sirius and James some of the simpler muggle games such as go fish, but Sirius and James quickly became antsy and the game deteriorated.

The rising sun had come as a bit of a shock to all of them but in the early light none of them could deny their exhaustion. They did not want to sleep, all for the same reason. They wanted to see their friend and make sure he was ok, but that was something Theo could not do. They did not yet know that Theo knew Remus's secret and until she came up with an adequate lie she had to pretend she was in the dark. The boys were subtle about the fact that they were hiding something, sending one another shifty glances and occasionally looking at her before quickly looking away. Theo pretended it wasn't happening, and just hoped that they were able to comfort Remus after his transformation. They were his true friends after al. He didn't need to be there ad in the end she was doing her best to help. She didn't need to be at his bedside while he recovered. That's what friends were for.

But oh how Theo wished she could be there and run her fingers through his hair and promise him that it was going to be alright. That would have to wait, though. For now she had her own secrets to deal with and if she wasn't careful she could find herself in a very unpleasant situation. She waved to her friends and went up to her own bed. She couldn't deny how tired she was, but was glad that she wasn't the only restless one tonight. James was jumpy and Peter's hand almost never stopped shaking. Sirius seemed to always be in a bit of a trance and despite worrying for all of her new friends she could not help but feel glad that Remus had friends who cared so much.

She remembered suddenly that she had meant to practice her transformation. She had found out recently that she would be transforming into an owl and could not contain her excitement. Being and owl had a plethora of possibilities for her. Professor McGonagall had told Theo that practicing in a similar condition to her animal's environment might help her with her transformation. She had told Theo about her own training and how she had issues putting herself in the habitat of a cat, and how Theo had it easy by simply walking outside at night. Even then, just trying at night would have probably helped.

Theo decided she didn't want to think about any of that now. She just wanted the world to blur and for everything to be over for just a second. For just once second she wanted to fell free from all the bad that was still going on in the world, but that would mean detaching from the good as well. She would be leaving behind the four boys who she had grown oddly fond of over the last two months. Leaving behind the bad meant leaving behind the good too. Theo wondered when there had ever been so much good to consider. Sleep used to be her escape but as the days wore on she found the need for sleep infuriating and only let it happen because of the knowledge that she would soon wake up she would be back here with them. For the first time in a very long time, Theo realized, waking up didn't seem so horrible.


	9. Chapter 8: Fancy

**Chapter 8: Fancy**

Theo knew by now that her strangeness had less to do with her preferences in significant others and was more related to the fact that she could see the bloody future. Of course she had known this for a while but a part of her hoped that maybe this wasn't the truth; maybe it was all just strange coincidences and freak circumstances. Of course, she was wrong and as she got older she started to develop a bit of an understanding of things. Perhaps the strangest thing she came to understand was that the future was not written in stone. That may sound strange from the perspective of a person who could see the future but it was the truth. Theo thought of it like a tree, where the trunk is the present and the many branches were the different potential futures.

For example, about a year ago Theo had seen the small boy get smacked around by the teacher but because she had foresight, because she was able to see what was coming she could follow a different set of branches on the tree. Theo had two options: interfere or leave it be. This was the first split in the branch. If she let it be her future would have followed a much different path. Even in choosing to interfere, there were many other ways to do so. The branch splits again. In the end, the present we are living is the result of all actions before it and the paths taken. Seeing the future isn't always watching the inevitable, but rather seeing the potential for what could be.

Probably the worst thing about her abilities is the fact that they are so subjective. Theo has done her research on seers and what she learned was that every single one of them is different. They see things differently, they are triggered by different things, and seer is a relatively loose term for a person who can predict prophecies. That is to say, if Theo never states a prophecy it is very likely that she is not a true seer, but rather someone with clairvoyant tendencies. But one thing Theo has learned from her own personal experience is that touching is the number one cause of her visions, though not the only one. Theo can reduce the amount of things she sees by reducing physical contact with people.

However, saying "mom you can't hug me too much or I'll start doing that thing you really hate" is not effective because then that would be really and truly admitting that it exists and that is not something Diane Clarke is willing to do. Even just avoiding casual touches seemed to upset her mother beyond words. And telling James Potter he can't have his way because it makes someone uncomfortable has proven ineffective thus far and as a result Theo is finding herself falling into the strange numbness more and more often before being crudely crammed back into the hard lines of the present. It's frustrating because she knows that people are noticing and not for the first time she has to wonder what she looks like when it happens. She hopes it's nothing strange, she hopes that she doesn't say anything or make it worse than it already is.

Worse still, just because touch is a bit of a catalyst for her visions doesn't mean that avoiding touch prevents them all together. If the "inner eye" sees something then she will too, whether she likes it or not. Avoiding touch seems to only prevent the more mundane of visions. For example she had never touched James Potter and Sirius Black but she had seen them roaming the library one day in Diagon Alley. She had touched Remus Lupin maybe once or twice and she had _The Vision_ as she affectionately dubbed it. She saw some poor Hufflepuff boy getting a letter about his mother dying and some bloke nearly lose an eye to the Whomping Willow. She saw Lily fighting with another, slightly older girl in a muggle house and could only assume they were sisters. She once even saw some Ravenclaw girl get the snot beat out of her by her mother. She went straight to Dumbledore with that and from what she heard through rumors, her parents were being investigated and the girl moved to her aunt's home where she was kept safe.

Theo was glad she could help people with these visions, though sometimes they seemed utterly pointless. Not all visions pulled her in completely and left her feeling like she was being compressed into a bottle that was just slightly too small, some were simple like knowing a pencil was going to fall before it happened or hearing snickers before a joke is being made. She just _knew_ things. It helped her a lot when it came to being bullied because it allowed Theo the chance to escape before things became too problematic. If her gut tells her not to go down a certain hallway she simply won't because perhaps she's just imagining it but ignoring it has proven dangerous in the past.

But the downside was that if Theo is completely immersed in the future, she finds adjusting to the present to be hard. Not just because of the feeling it left but because she seems incapable of complex thought after. McGonagall had told Theo that, much to her horror, when she awoke on Christmas Day in her professor's quarters she had spent the day singing Christmas carols and asking if "they could go build a snowman because that's what Theo did every year." Theo didn't remember most of that day, only becoming aware of what was happening around four in the afternoon. Her hands were numb because she apparently didn't think to dress in appropriate attire before heading out to the castle grounds to build a snowman like she did when she was five.

McGonagall started asking a lot of questions about Theo's home life after that. Theo danced around the topic but what McGonagall had told her weighed heavily in her mind. Theo hadn't wanted to build a snowman since her ninth Christmas because she and her father had gotten into a fight and they were both too proud to apologize. Theo had developed a theory that the more troubling the dream, the more she lost herself.

Unfortunately, her abilities have no consideration for what she's doing or when. Once in Quidditch practice she nearly fell off her broom because she saw them losing their next game because their seeker got hit by a bludger at the last minute. This led to the captain nearly kicking her out of practice and Theo trying to come up with an excuse for her "daydreaming".

In summary, Theo didn't think of this ability as much of a gift, though that is what Dumbledore claimed it to be. She wasn't fool enough to think that the reason he wanted her here was entirely a favor to a friend, but more so that he saw a use for her gift. If Theo had more room to be picky, then she probably would have refused to help but as it stood she owed the old man and he knew it. She could see him waiting on the sidelines for a chance to remind her of her debt, she just didn't know what he would ask or when.

But while this was all very stressful, it wasn't the most pressing thing on Theo's mind. The most pressing thing was the person not so subtly pressing next to her. This wasn't the first time Marta had suggested that they go to study in the library together. In fact, this was the twelfth but Theo wasn't counting. Theo wasn't originally all that upset by this development. She was actually rather excited that one of her roommates wanted to spend more time with her and was all too eager to go with one of the people who seemed to hate her originally. Theo of course wondered if it was a trap or some elaborate prank but after two weeks her suspicions faded and now a month later they were gone.

At the present, other suspicions were rising in her mind like why Marta's entire right side would be pressed to her left and why she was letting it happen. Hadn't that normally been a problem for Theo? Part of her was definitely wary, but the part of her that found touch uncomfortable had definitely been quiet. It didn't happen often. It was still rather awkward to let James hug her and she'd had a month to get used to it.

But here she was, on the floor in some abandoned corner of the library with her roommate who had also taken to sitting by Theo at lunch and smelled like lavender. Marta adjusted so that her leg was resting over Theo's and all questions left her mind as she focused on the contact. How did she get here? Not a few months ago Marta had sneered at her just like Marlene and adamantly ignored her, hadn't she?

Theo thought back to before the holidays and began to think that maybe this wasn't the case. She remembered Marlene's hurtful words and angry glares but Marta was always quiet. Marta looked anywhere but Theo, and never said anything against her. _She didn't do anything to stop it_ , a part of her mind reminded her and while she knew that was bad, what did she expect? Her and Marlene were still friends, and had known each other far longer than Theo was even at the school.

"You ok?" Marta was looking at her now and the lack of distance between their faces was really affecting Theo. She wanted to scoot away a little but the weight of Marta's leg was preventing her from doing so. Instead she opted for looking directly at the book in front of her.

"I'm fine," Theo responded stonily. She didn't know what to think of this. Maybe it was a trick? Maybe Marta just likes to cuddle? Maybe Theo was thinking too much and it's exactly what it looks like.

"You sure? You look a little pale…" Marta lightly touched her hand to Theo's forehead and Theo cringed. Marta pulled her hand back and apologized.

"No, it's fine! It's just… your hand… it was cold!" Theo felt her cheeks heat up at the terrible lie she just threw at Marta but Marta didn't seem to notice. Instead, she rubbed her hands together to warm them up before trying again. Theo blushed at how adorable that simple action was and didn't cringe when Marta reached up to try again with significantly warmer hands.

"You do feel a little warm. Want me to take you to the hospital wing?" Theo refused to look at Marta because then their faces would only be inches apart and Theo wasn't sure she could handle much more proximity so instead she just shook her head. Theo went back to reading, thinking that was the end of it but Marta had something else in mind. Two fingers gripped her chin and turned her head so that they were now face to face.

Marta had really pretty eyes. They were a wonderful brown color that reminded Theo of caramel and milk chocolate. She had incredibly long dirty blonde hair that was thick and straight and looked incredibly soft. She had lips that were a bit fuller than Theo's, and a cute little nose that seemed to curl up slightly at the end. Her skin always seemed to be perfectly tanned and Theo wondered what an actual tan would look like on the girl. She also wondered if Marta ever bothered with make-up because from here she didn't seem to need it.

Theo wasn't breathing, she realized as her lungs started to burn but she was scared to start now. What if her breath smelled? What if whatever was about to happen never did because Theo didn't grab a breath mint after lunch? The thought scared Theo more than suffocating did so she waited for Marta to do _something_. Just when Theo was sure Marta was leaning they heard three people round the corner of the nearest bookshelf.

"I'm telling you Claire, the Herbology practical was not that –"

Theo whipped her head around to see Isabel, Claire, and Anna all staring at her in shock.

Theo didn't know what to do or say to them because in reality they hadn't spoken for two weeks. Theo didn't notice at first how they were pushing her away, but by the time the second full moon came around they were not subtle in their dismissal. First they would say they couldn't hang out because they had things to do. Then they stopped saving her a place at meals and that was fine. Theo could handle all of that for the most part because in her heart she knew they didn't owe her anything. She hadn't given them any reason to keep her around, and deep down in places she tried to stop visiting, she knew this would happen. At least they still smiled at her when they passed, even if they no longer wanted to walk to class together. At least they didn't hate her.

But the look on Isabel's face wasn't indifference or even a friendly acknowledgement, it was anger. She was angry at Theo and Theo couldn't imagine what she had done wrong. Hadn't this been what she wanted?

"Hey Theo," Claire said hesitantly, as if scared what Theo was going to do. Theo didn't know what she expected because Theo felt glued to the spot with Marta's leg still draped over her own. Theo had noticed said leg stiffen at Claire's greeting.

"Hey guys," she responded with a little too much cheeriness. "How are you doing?" She watched Isabel's scowl grow just a bit at the response. Theo didn't understand.

"We've been good!" Anna seemed to be the only one excited to see her. "Who's this?"

Theo looked back to Marta, who was glaring at Isabel. It was then that Theo realized Isabel's scowl wasn't directed at her, but at Marta. Suddenly Theo felt like she was in the middle of something much older than her.

"You know who she is, Anna. Don't play dumb," Isabel hissed. Theo was sure she'd never heard Isabel sound so toxic. It was a sharp contrast to her normally controlled features and cold voice.

"Must you always talk to her like that?" Marta finally spoke and Theo was surprised to hear the venom in Marta's voice matched that of Isabel's. Theo looked to Claire for help but Claire was looking anywhere but at them.

"Since when do you care?" Anna hissed. Marta face switched from anger to hurt so quickly Theo almost wondered whether or not she imagined the venom in her voice just a few seconds ago. She looked at Anna with wide eyes and her expression changed to something Theo couldn't read anymore. Theo felt like she didn't belong here. This moment was too personal and too filled with hurt.

"Let's go," Marta said as she gripped Theo's wrist and pulled her roughly towards the entrance of the library.

"Theo, don't go!" Isabel's voice, soft and pleading was enough to give pause. She wanted to see Isabel, to talk to her and ask her why. Why had she left? Why wasn't she good enough? She wanted to be. She wanted to be anything that would make Isabel hold her like she used to. She almost turned around, almost gave in like she always did. She felt a bit desperate in that moment and she didn't care at first but when Marta's grip tightened ever so slightly Theo found that ignoring that voice was a bit easier than she thought. If they could walk away from her then Theo could do the same to them couldn't she?

 **(^^)**

Peter adored James Potter. James Potter was amazing. He was handsome, charming, smart, brilliant… really he could go on all day. Sirius was brilliant as well but in a different sort of way. Both were the products of their breeding, but where James embraced what his parents said he was Sirius rejected it. Remus was just as brilliant as Sirius. He works hard and fights his condition to disprove stereotypes. He was making the most of the opportunity Dumbledore had given him. James was brilliant because he was a leader, Sirius was brilliant because he was a rebel, Remus was brilliant because he was a pioneer, and Peter was… Peter. This didn't bother Peter often, because these three brilliant people wanted to be his friend, so clearly he was brilliant too in his own way, right? Peter suspected he was brilliant at observation or at the very least that's why they kept him around because Merlin's beard, they could be _so dense._

For example, anyone with half a brain could see that James Potter's attempts at flirting with Lily Evans were laughable at best and downright pathetic at worst. Even Peter understood that Evans wasn't rejecting James because of James himself, but mostly because of the image James was trying to make for himself, the unquestionable leader of the school, the role model, the one the students would follow into battle if need be (there will never be a need but you try telling James that). Anyone who took the time to get to know James knew that he wasn't always a big headed arse, but James didn't let people know him. James wanted adoration; he didn't need understanding like others might.

Another example would be how Sirius Black did not have a clue when he was doing something offensive. One could talk Sirius through the reasons why what he did was rude and hurtful and he would understand, but getting there on his own was impossible. He could rarely even tell when someone was getting upset by his actions until it was too late and they were storming off or punching him in the face. Peter knew that it probably had something to do with that banshee he calls a mother and the fact that Sirius is as emotionally developed as he is was a miracle.

Continuing with the examples, Remus Lupin was just as guilty as the other two. His obliviousness seemed to focus solely on others perception of him. He couldn't see when others were trying to be friendly, or when they were making a pass, or when they were even trying to make fun of him. Remus seemed to take everything at face value and as a result subtlety was completely lost on him. It would be funny if it wasn't so infuriating.

But that was why Peter was there. He was supposed to point it all out for them and have them not listen to a word he says. It was his role in the group and he was proud of it because he could see what they couldn't. Brilliance isn't always recognized for what it is until it's too late, you know. However, there were times when he begged every power that may be for his friends to either open their eyes or listen to him when he told them where to look.

Right now, he's trying to point out that Theo has been acting odd again. She's always a bit odd but this is different. She's acting odd in the sense that she's acting completely normal. She smiles at people when she passes them in the hallway, she started putting her long and messy hair up into high ponytails and (possibly the strangest of all) she let James hug her. She even hugged back each and every time. She also tries to sit with them at meals and talks to Sirius in a civil way.

Peter didn't think much of it the first time in March but it is April now and this is the second time she's done it. Peter can feel in his bones that this is important. He is trying to find the meaning behind her strange behavior and part of it already knows it. Part of him is screaming for him to just open his eyes and see what's right in front of him but he can't.

"I really think something is wrong," Peter whined. He was being ignored by the others. Remus at least seems to be humoring him but he's too tired to do much else. The full is tomorrow night and he seems more worn out than normal. He had fallen asleep during History of Magic and is currently copying Theo's notes since theirs left something to be desired.

"You're just paranoid, Pete." Sirius wasn't even pretending to care, leafing through a muggle magazine that Peter himself had given him. Peter felt his nose twitch just a bit in annoyance.

"James…" Peter turned to his last hope, but he was only staring off in Evans's direction which was probably for the best, since he currently had a mandrake leaf in his mouth. Peter had just finished his month yesterday, and explaining it away to Remus had been harder than they thought. They weren't eager to start another string of lies. Evans was sitting with that girl Marta and Theo who was smiling just a bit too wide. Peter could not fathom how they were missing all the things that were changing about their supposed friend. Remus had an excuse, at least.

"You're staring," Sirius mumbled as he flicked Peter's ear. Peter jumped and sent a nasty look at his friend.

"You noticed it too," Peter hissed. "I can tell 'cause you've been trying to talk to her all day. You never do that."

A look crossed Sirius's face that Peter wasn't familiar with, but in a split second it was gone and he was hissing back: "So what if she's in a good mood. It doesn't mean anything."

"But she's not! She's just pretending!"

"How do you know?"

Peter wanted to list off all of the reasons, like how her laughter sounds just a little too harsh and her smile just a bit too wide. He wanted to say that her back was too straight and her eyes too sharp. Her hair looked too neat and her tie too tight. He wanted to say that everything about her screamed discomfort just like Sirius when he gets a particularly nasty letter from his mother. Peter wants to throw it in Sirius's face that he should know exactly how he can tell because he's seen it all before in Sirius. He wants to, but he can't.

"I just do," he huffed and sunk back into his seat in defeat. He was alone in this, it seems. Sirius puffed out his chest in triumph before turning back to his magazine. Peter looked back at Theo for a final time, determined to reassure himself that this was happening, and was surprised to see she was looking back. She wasn't looking at him, but at Remus who had fallen asleep again on his notes. She wasn't smiling anymore. All the blood seemed to have drained from her face and in this little moment she looked older than thirteen. Peter thought she looked a bit like some of the painting did when news of another disappearance pops up in the Daily Prophet.

Peter tried to forget about it, seeing as no one was going to believe him anyway and had been doing a rather good job of it too until the morning after the full when he saw Theo at breakfast. She wasn't smiling anymore though one could barely tell when her head hung low and her hair covered her face like that. James and Sirius didn't even notice even when they took their spots next to her. She didn't even have any food on her plate.

James went to sling his arm across her shoulder in a side hug that he had given her every meal for the past two days. Despite her clear change in mood, Peter did not foresee Theo violently pulling away and falling back onto the floor in an inelegant heap. She had a strange look in her eyes that wasn't quite fear but almost was.

"Sorry boys," she said in a strained voice. She sat up and planted herself between Sirius and James again before shoveling food onto her late like nothing had happened. "You scared me a bit."

That was enough for James and Sirius, but Peter knew better. Peter could see that something else was going on. Something was pushing to the forefront of his brain but it was still all blurred lines and odd shapes. What was wrong with Theo?

"Rough night?"

Peter thought back to January and how reluctant she was, how fearful of getting too close. When had that changed?

"You could say that."

He remembered how sweetly she spoke to Remus, and how much nicer she was to all of them in February even though she still wouldn't let them touch her.

"Ish okay, ush too."

He thought about how he caught Theo staring at Remus just two days ago…

"How's Remus?"

Suddenly it all clicked into place so painfully that Peter jolted. His friends didn't seem to notice his little breakdown.

"He's doing good. Visiting his mum," Sirius replied before wolfing down some sausage.

Peter felt his face heat up in realization of exactly what this meant. This wasn't good at all.

"Oh good, he did mention missing her."

Theo fancied Remus.

 **(^^)**

Theo knew she wasn't imagining the strange looks that she was getting from Peter recently but she didn't quite know how to bring it up. She didn't know what the looks even meant. He had once tried to mouth something at her but she didn't know what "do you like tea much" was supposed to mean. She tried asking Marta, but Marta focused on the fact that Theo's answer to the strange question was indifference.

"I can't believe this!" Marta was leading Theo through the halls by the hand despite the fact that Theo had already caught up to her. Marta had been in a bit of a tizzy since discovering this small bit of information about Theo and hadn't even given Theo time to put shoes on before she pulled her out of the dorm on a Saturday afternoon.

"What's the big deal?"

"What's the big deal? Love, if you're going to be living here, you have to drink tea. It's like a rule." Theo wasn't sure if everyone in this country was this emotionally invested in their tea or if she just happened to stumble across the one brit who lived up to the stereotype. Either way she was content to have Marta drag her about the castle on such a lovely day. It was the first truly sunny day of the year and the air was ripe with new life.

Theo did think to tell Marta that her family hadn't actually moved to Britain but that would mean explaining why she was actually here and there was more to that story than she was willing to share at the moment. This… friendship with Marta was still new and Theo was scared she'd leave too, just like the others had. Theo tried not to think about them often and never asked Marta what she saw at the library but it still bothered her. Theo tried to think of what she had done wrong and why her friends had left her. She had tried so hard to be good for them…

"Finally!"

Theo looked in front of her to see a well painted portrait of a bowl of fruit. Marta was huffing with pride beside her.

"It's… wonderful," Theo tried but even to her ears it was weak.

"Not the painting! It's what behind it that we want."

Marta stuck her arm out and _tickled the pear_. Yes, that was the only thing she could have possibly done. She wiggled her fingers against the pear in the painting and just when Theo thought Marta had lost it the pear _giggled._ "Magic is ridiculous," she mumbled as Marta led them through and into the room behind it.

Theo was in awe of what she saw before her. It was the kitchens, she realized as she watched house elves shuffle here and there preparing food and washing dishes and setting tables. There were four tables lined up just as they were in the Great Hall and Theo figured they must be beneath it. Theo had never seen a house elf in person but she instantly found them exceptionally charming. At this very moment there were quite a few flocking to them and asking what they'd like. Theo was a bit overwhelmed but Marta was already giving them each something to do. When they all scampered off to do as they were asked, Marta lead her to one of the tables and sat her down at the end before nestling into the seat opposite her.

"Welcome to the Hogwarts Kitchens. What do you think?" Theo was sure that if Marta's smile stretched anymore it would break her face in half. Theo thought it was rather infectious and found herself smiling back.

"It's brilliant," Theo answered as she looked around some more. Elves were already running back towards them with an assortment of things. One carried a pot, another a tray full of tea cups, others as many tins as they could manage and a final one with their own tray of sugar, honey, and milk. The elves lay it all before them quickly and, after being assured many times by Marta that they did not need anything else, rushed off to continue their work for the day. Theo was in awe.

"Right, time to get started..." Marta was analyzing the tins with a great deal of intensity, as if one wrong move would ruin the whole ordeal. Theo loved watching Marta concentrate, as strange as it sounds. She bit her lip and squinted her eyes despite the fact that she could see just fine. If she was concentrating hard enough her nose would scrunch up quite like it was right now. It was just about the cutest thing Theo had ever seen and she often wondered how such a sweet face could muster the glare she saw that day in the library.

"Marta?" A grunt was given in response. "How do you know Isabel?"

Marta went still, her face falling into something she couldn't read again. It was the same look she had when Anna snapped at her. Theo didn't like this look at all. It twisted her stomach and lodged a lump in her throat.

"She never mentioned me, did she?" Marta's voice was soft. Her accent had changed slightly, Theo noticed. "I don't suppose she would have."

They sat in silence for a second. Theo waited patiently, knowing that the moment she spoke the spell would be broken and she'd lose her chance. She waited for Marta to find the words and maybe the courage to tell Theo about the old hurt that seemed etched into the corners of Marta's mouth.

"I thought she loved me. For a second I really did. We were best friends, but then she said she said something about my not being a pureblood and it was all over."

"But she –"

"Befriended you?" Marta let out a humorless laugh. "She does that. She can't help herself. She can't help but latch on to the underdog. I don't know what it is but she can't leave it alone. She needs them, I think. She needs them to make her feel good. The moment they stop needing her she drops them."

Theo felt like she couldn't breathe. Her bones seemed to ache as she took this information in. Theo wasn't an underdog, she was _the_ underdog. She was the one others looked at with pity and for a second she too had thought that Isabel actually cared about her. Not much else mattered because she had Isabel by her side. She'd thought that, hadn't she? She didn't need much if she had Isabel.

All at once the pain of being abandoned hit her. She hadn't thought about it much because so many things were happening, so many things were changing around her that she hadn't the time or energy to focus on how she had been left alone. A small part of her still hoped that it would all go back to normal someday and she'd have her best friends back.

"Hey, I'm sorry. Don't look like that. C'mere love," Marta hummed as she sat next to Theo and pulled her into a hug. Theo hadn't even realized she was crying into she saw the dark spots on Marta's t-shirt.

"I thought she liked me," Theo whispered.

"I know," Marta whispered back. "It's not your fault, Theo. None of this is your fault."

Theo nodded into her shirt.

"I'm glad you understand," she smiled as she pulled back and wiped the tears from Theo's eyes. "Now, we have some tea for you to taste, don't we?"

Theo found that she was rather fond of tea in just about every form if she poured enough sugar, milk, or honey into it. She liked green tea the most and enjoyed drinking it from little tea cups. The rest of the afternoon they spent drinking tea and talking about anything and everything. This was easy, Theo thought. It was different than it was with Isabel and Anna and Claire. With Marta she felt like she could say the silliest and nerdiest and least flattering things and not worry what Marta would think. She kept testing the limits and each time Marta surprised her with her smile and her laughter and her kind words. Theo felt her heart flutter and her lips pull into a smile that refused to die.

 **Hello! I hope you are all enjoying the story so far. I'm thinking of writing out some character profiles for my OCs and maybe some other characters in a separate story in the format of drabbles. Just little things I think of through out the day. If you guys would be interested you should let me know!**

 **Also, sorry it's been so long and that what you got was this short chapter but I've been having issues writing out the rest of this year. Fourth year will be an interesting time for Theo and I'm just doing my best to transition to that part of the story.**

 **I hope you guys like it! Please review!**


	10. Chapter 9: Everything Happens In May

**Chapter 9: Everything Happens In May**

Theo had learned from a young age that very few people are trustworthy. Her first lesson was with her sister, to whom she told all of her secrets until that faithful day when Theo was nine and Jillian was seven. During recess Jillian announced that Theo still wet the bed and while some students didn't care, most took this as another opportunity to make fun of her. Theo couldn't explain that the bed wetting only happened when she had visions, so she took the ridicule in silence.

Theo's next lesson happened at Ilvermorny. This is one of the few times her lessons actually left a mark. Theo had known that liking girls was not the done thing. Having a gay uncle had exposed her to prejudice early on when he and his longtime boyfriend took her and her sister to a toy store and people didn't bother to keep their feelings quiet even in front of a seven and five year old. He explained to them as best as one could that ignorance sometimes makes people mean, and Theo took that lesson to heart.

So when she started to fall for her best friend in the world when she was eleven she refused to talk about it. One day her best friend had started asking strange questions that revolved almost entirely around fancying girls and somehow ended in her and her best friend kissing one another. It was a brief kiss, barely a peck but it happened, and Annabelle had initiated it. This was an undeniable truth. Theo was over the moon and for about a month, they were both on cloud nine. Theo didn't think much of the fact that Annabelle didn't want to be close to her in public, or the fact that she even got ignored if certain people were around because at night when everything was quiet, she still had her best friend who kissed her hair before they fell asleep.

Then May rolled around and they were in the back corner of the library, smiling and holding hands while they studied. Theo had planted a soft kiss on Annabelle's cheek and at that moment someone from their class had turned the corner and found them in that state. It had upset Annabelle more than Theo could understand. Theo tried to calm her down but Annabelle started yelling things about how it wasn't her fault and how she didn't know what she was doing. Theo went to put a hand on her shoulder but she pushed Theo away, knocking her down, and ran.

The next day, everyone seemed to believe that Theo had somehow tricked Annabelle into being her girlfriend. The methods were always different, sometimes it was a love potion, sometimes it was blackmail, and once she even heard mumbled of the imperious curse. Theo was now considered some sort of predator and no one wanted to talk to her, least of all Annabelle. She had tried to talk to Annabelle more than once, beg her to explain why this was happening and what she did wrong, but Annabelle had switched rooms just to get away from Theo and finding her alone was difficult. If she ever got too close someone else would step in with scathing comments and threaten her.

 _You creep! Stay away from her!_

 _Stupid dyke, can't you just leave her alone?_

 _You can't just make her love you!_

Theo wasn't adjusting well to this, and teachers refused to get involved. Apparently, regardless of the fact that she was just eleven, being a lesbian somehow made her less worthy of compassion. Theo didn't know how to explain that she wasn't actually a lesbian, just interested in girls as well as guys. At least that's what she thought. Up until this point she hadn't liked anyone like she liked Annabelle and she was fairly certain Annabelle's gender isn't what did it for her.

So it was alone and scared that she went into her finals and if you asked Theo, this is why she didn't do well. If you asked most professors, it was because she was spending too much time getting involved in drama and not focusing on her work. If you asked her mother, it was because she was irresponsible and didn't actually care about anything important. More than once Theo wondered if other eleven year olds had this sort of life, the one where you're afraid to be anywhere alone for fear of what someone else will do if they find you. She also wondered how many other eleven year olds were scared of going home.

It was during one of these periods of daydreaming that she was caught off guard by a group of kids of varying age, no older that thirteen but some just as young as her. They tried grabbing her and began pulling at her robes while she tried to fight them off. That seemed to upset them further and they started tugging harder, tearing her robes. Finally they got a good grip on her and pinned her to the ground. There was a girl with her knee on her back, making some remark or another about how she probably got off on this, but Theo didn't quite understand what that meant when she was eleven. Said girl tugged the back of her robe, revealing the base of her neck and pressed her wand there.

Theo was scared and crying and begging for them to stop. Pride was thrown out the window as she squirmed and hope was lost when there was a white hot pain where the wand pressed. Things became fuzzy after that. There was more pain, some screaming, then the pain stopped, the pressure taken off of her back. Theo knew she could get up and run now but Theo wouldn't stand. She was thoroughly defeated and she stopped caring what happened to her. She didn't remember how she got to the hospital wing but she remembered begging Professor Mulaney not to tell her mother. She stayed in the hospital wing until the end of the year, and the next year she had her own room. She made a special effort to cover the burn at the base of her neck, which became a pearly white color and was a constant reminder that Theo shouldn't trust anyone, lest she wanted to be hated as opposed to being ignored.

When Isabel caught a glimpse of it and asked why there was a scare in the shape of a crudely drawn "D" on her neck, Theo said it was an "American Thing" and definitely did not stand for "Dyke".

Theo later learned her final lesson in trust while at Hogwarts when she felt herself falling yet again for a friend, and once again found herself abandoned. She tried not to let it get to her that Isabel stopped saving her seats during meals, or that Claire no longer slung her arm over her shoulder, or Anna stopped offering to braid her hair but that was just the beginning. By the end of February, Theo stopped going to the Slytherin common room because they would say they couldn't hang out. By the end of March she stopped looking at the Slytherin table for a seat. By the end of April she stopped trying to catch their eyes during potions, the only time she saw them.

Some would argue that Theo wasn't alone; she still had James, Peter, Remus, and Sirius. Some would even say that no one hated her anymore except for maybe Marlene and Dylan, and that she and Marta were actually growing close, but Theo knew better. Theo knew she wasn't actually friends with those boys, because they didn't really treat her like a person. They treated her like a toy that they played with when they felt like it, and left alone when they didn't. They didn't ask how she was or what was going on with her. They never asked her anything really. All she was, she realized, was another person that was meant to adore James and Sirius.

And if anyone asked about her and Marta, Theo would not know what to say. It's true that with the protection of the boys no one seemed to hold much animosity for her anymore, but Marta was a bit different. Marta asked her if she'd like to study together, if she'd like to eat lunch together, if she'd like to be her partner for Herbology... Overall, Theo would say that she and Marta were friends but there was something different in the way Marta acted. It was in the way Marta touched her when touch wasn't necessary, and the way Marta always held eye contact a little too long.

Theo had resisted it all at first, but after losing her friends she thought that having someone to spend time with wasn't terrible and Marta always seemed to want to spend time with her. Like right now. Theo was digging through her trunk in a desperate attempt to find something that fit. She had tried on a few pairs of pants but after almost nine months of consistent weight loss nothing actually stayed on her hips anymore. In any other situation she would be ecstatic, but she couldn't very well go shopping for new clothes and what she owned simply would not stay put. She growled in frustration before chucking another pair of pants at her unsuspecting nightstand.

"What's up," Marta asked from the door to the dorm. It wasn't unusual for Marta to ask what was bothering Theo, even though Theo rarely gave her the truth. This time, though, it seemed rather harmless.

"None of my pants fit and I can't find anything to wear to the Quidditch game!" Theo emphasized this point by violently chucking another pair of pants at her poor nightstand like it was the reason she didn't have any suitable clothes. Marta didn't say anything and Theo didn't bother to look at her as she considered wearing a dress and tights just for the sake of having something to wear. She had tried a resizing charm on one pair but that had gone horribly wrong rather quickly. It wasn't that Theo was bad at charms so much as resizing a pair of pants was surprisingly tricky if you didn't do it for a living. Who knew?

Suddenly something was dropped on Theo's head. Something oddly shaped and felt an awful lot like denim.

"I think we're about the same size now," Marta said casually as she fell onto her bed and pulled out some witch magazine that Theo had never heard of. Theo looked at the pants that were two sizes smaller than what she was used to.

"You don't have to…" Theo trailed off, already standing and holding the pants up to her legs to see if they were at all a potential match. Much to her surprise, they seemed to be about the right size.

"I don't wear those. They're too tight at the waist. If they fit they're yours." Marta wasn't really even looking at Theo. She seemed bored by the whole ordeal but Theo found it all rather shocking for a handful of reasons. The first one was that up until February this girl hated Theo's guts with the burning passion of a dying sun and now she was suddenly giving Theo a pair of pants. Nice pants, at that. Even for her and Marta's budding friendship, this was a bit odd. The second reason was that Theo never shared clothes with anyone before, both because she had never really had any girlfriends and because she was always a few sizes bigger. Theo knew she wasn't obese, but saying she wasn't fat was a matter of opinion. She was larger than most girls her age (used to be, at least) and that was always something that got to her more than she let on. It was always something that people pointed out when they were trying to hurt her feelings and a big argument between her and her mother.

"I… thanks," was all Theo could manage as she pulled off her pajama bottoms and slid on Marta's jeans. They fit rather well, much to Theo's surprise, but she didn't have time to admire herself in the mirror. The game would be starting soon and she needed to make her way to the field. She quickly threw on a sweater that now was two sizes too big along with her Gryffindor scarf and was almost out the door when she stopped for a second and looked over to Marta.

"Hey Marta," Theo started, not really looking up. Marta was a pretty girl with her blonde hair and hazel eyes. She had turned fourteen last month and was growing into her body well. She had already experienced her growth spurt and now stood about six inches taller than Theo's slight 5'0" frame. Theo liked Marta. Maybe not quite like she liked other girls, but it was affectionate none the less. "Would you want to go to the game with me?"

Theo didn't look up, but if she had she would have seen Marta's wide grin before she jumped out of the bed and happily agreed.

 **(^^)**

Theo ran into Peter and Remus on their way to the game and they all walked together into the stands. Remus was on her right and Peter was about to sit at her left when Marta did a strange sliding move so that her side was flush against Theo. This wasn't the first of the odd things that happened during the game. If something good happen, both she and Marta would get excited and Marta would actually hug Theo. Theo would go stiff as a board every time but that didn't deter Marta's affections. Remus shot her a few questioning glances, but Theo would just shoot him a look that said "I don't know what's going on either." There was one point during the game when things got particularly tense and Marta actually grabbed Theo's hand and didn't let go for a solid five minutes.

Theo didn't mind much because as it turned out, Marta was a big Quidditch fan and they found themselves discussing different tactics the teams (Ravenclaw and Gryffindor) were implementing and what they thought would be more effective. Marta said she was going to try out for seeker the next year and Theo talked about how she played keeper at Ilvermorny. It was a brilliant time and the next time Marta went to hug her, Theo hugged back. When the game finally ended with a narrow catch by the Gryffindor Seeker and an overall win for Gryffindor, Theo and Marta were ranting about how terrible Dylan Davis actually was at being keeper and how brilliant James and Sirius were at their respective positions.

"Honestly if it wasn't for Sirius knocking out the Ravenclaw chasers every time they got close to the goal we would have gotten pummeled," Marta said with a slightly raspy voice from all the screaming she did. Theo nodded in agreement.

"Yea, but because he was picking up Davis's mess that left the other beater to protect everyone else on his own and that almost ruined us more than once," Theo said thoughtfully. She turned back to where Remus and Peter were following. "What do you guys think?"

Both Remus and Peter went a little wide eyed before starting to stutter and attempting to come up with an intelligent response. Theo and Marta just giggled.

"We should celebrate!" Marta thrust her fists into the air in the shape of a V like it was her own personal victory. Theo laughed and did the same.

"I bet James and Sirius would love that! Where are they?" Theo looked around for them. "Are they still changing?"

"Nah, James is on his way." Theo followed Peter's pointed finger to see James emerge from the dressing room alone and jog towards them, a big smile on his face. The first person he ran to was Theo who wrapped his arms around and then proceeded to pick up and spin in a circle like they were some reunited couple in a cheesy romance film. Theo was in such a good mood she actually found it quite charming. When he put her down he gave her a slight pat on the head which she found less charming before shooting Marta a look. Marta shot him a look right back and they continued to glare at one another until Remus let out a slight cough.

"Where's Sirius," he asked in a brave attempt to break the tension.

"I don't know, he said he'd be up in a minute." James shrugged.

"I'll go get him," Theo offered, in a hurry to get on with the celebrating (and definitely not to get away from the awkward tension that was surrounding James and Marta). She jogged down the hill to the Gryffindor changing rooms and didn't even bother knocking before charger straight in. Theo could think of a number of reasons why this would be both funny and not at all problematic in the long run but none of them included walking in on Sirius being pinned to the lockers and some boy with a Slytherin scarf kissing his neck like it was the greatest thing he'd ever tasted.

Theo realized that moving and just head back to the group like nothing happened would probably be best but she couldn't get her feet to lift. She was frozen in the spot, eyes unbelievably wide as she watched the Slytherin boy work his way down Sirius's chest which Theo now realized was bare. A light moan from Sirius brought Theo to her senses, however, and she went to turn on her heels and leave. She was confident that she could sneak away without the boys even noticing she was there until God reminded her that she was not that lucky by having her trip over a shirt that Theo could only assume was Sirius's. The thud of her body hitting the floor alerted the boys to her presence, causing both to open their eyes wide and look straight at her.

Sirius seemed rather amused, letting out a light laugh and running his fingers through his too long hair. The other boy was reacting much differently. Theo recognized that look. It's the type of violent anger someone feels when they're surprised or scared and Theo was crawling away before she even knew what she was doing. He took a big step towards her, hand rising like her mother's did when she was angry and suddenly Theo felt like she was nine years old again.

"Andrew, don't!" Sirius shouted as he grabbed Andrew's wrist and pulled him back.

"Get off me Black," he hissed as he went for Theo again. Sirius yanked back on Andrew's wrist and the boy toppled over. Theo stood and darted out of the changing room before he had a chance to get back on his feet and was rushing towards the group she left behind. She didn't realize she was going straight for Marta until she wrapped the girl in her arms and buried her face in her shoulder. The boys didn't notice the strange behavior and asked Theo how long Sirius was going to be. Without looking at them she said he might be a while and started marching to the castle, Marta in tow.

Marta kept calling after Theo but she didn't look back until she was in front of the castle and only because Marta had gotten in front of her and grabbed her shoulders.

"What happened?" Marta's hands slid from Theo's shoulders to her cheeks where she gently held Theo's face. Theo surprised herself by leaning into the touch. She surprised herself even more by laying a light kiss on Marta's palm. She looked to Marta to see how she'd take it. Marta's cheeks had taken on a pretty pink blush, and Theo found herself taking Marta's hand in her own, facing it up so that she could kiss her wrist; the whole time her eyes never leaving Marta's.

"Is this ok?" She asked as she stepped closer. Marta nodded. Theo stepped closer, her other hand resting on Marta's waist. She was about to ask if this was ok too, when Marta cut her off with her lips on Theo's.

This was so different than anything Theo had felt so far. It was different than those innocent little kisses she had when she was eleven and so much _hotter._ Theo didn't really understand what people meant when they said getting off on something but she understood it now. Theo felt like she was falling off the edge of something and her stomach had that weightless feeling you get when you swing a little too high. Marta brought her free hand to the back of Theo's neck and tilter her head and any sort of coherent thought left her when Marta's tongue brushed against her lips. Theo opened her mouth slowly and was sure she was going to die when Marta's tongue brushed her own.

Then Marta was pulling away and panting and what just happened finally sunk in. Theo had just kissed a girl. Not just any girl, a girl who had demonstrated a severe dislike for her in the past. What if someone saw? Theo was looking around to see if there was anyone nearby. What if they got caught? What was Marta going to do then?

 _Oh god not again…_

"Theo, what's wrong?" Theo whipped around and looked back at Marta, who still had that pretty pink blush on her cheeks and now her lips were rosy from being kissed. Theo's stomach twisted with a mix of excitement and fear.

"We just…" Marta smiled and stepped closer.

"We kissed," she said like it was the most natural thing in the world and not like everything was falling down around them.

"Exactly!" Theo hissed, stepping back slightly. "Shit I'm so sorry…" Theo's hands went to her hair and began tugging, hoping that this was just a dream and she'd wake up. Marta had a strange look on her face.

"Theo, I kissed you. I wouldn't have done that if I didn't want to. What's wrong? I thought…"

Theo took a moment to really look at the other guilty party and realized that Marta was nervous. She was wringing her fingers and looking at the ground. She was nervous that Theo was rejecting her, she realized. Slowly, she pulled her fingers from her hair and grabbed Marta's hands so that she'd stop squeezing them.

"Don't you like me?" She didn't look like the confident, pretty Marta that Theo always saw, she looked like a scared little kid afraid of getting scolded.

"I do," Theo whispered. "I just… is this ok? Can we… can we do this?"

"Do what?"

"Kiss? And touch each other and…"

"Date?" Theo nodded. "Do you want to?"

"What I want doesn't matter," Theo said before she could stop herself. It was true. Whether or not Theo wanted to hold hands and kiss and other couple-y things didn't matter in the end if that's not what Marta wanted.

"Of course it does! I know I've been terrible to you and I know that I can't just expect you to forgive me but…" She took a deep breath, as if bracing herself for a heavy blow. "I actually really like you, Theo. Would you… would you want to…"

"Yes," Theo answered. "On one condition."

"Anything," Marta said. She was looking at Theo again, eyes wide and hopeful. Theo almost didn't want to say anything that might ruin this. Whatever this was, this was good. This was soft and kind and precious and new. Theo could ruin it, and be alone and for a second she wondered if that was for the best before saying:

"You can't be embarrassed of me."

Marta seemed to think the best way to answer was to lean forward and kiss Theo all over again.

 **(^^)**

Theo believed that the most important things in her life happened in May. Her parents were married in May, her sister was born in May, she had her first vision in May, she got scarred in May, she got expelled in May, and now she got her first girlfriend in May. At this point in her life, her greatest and worst experiences all seemed to revolve around one month in particular. Being the type of person who can sometimes see the future for no apparent reason, she believed in a lot of things that others don't necessarily believe in, like that May was always going to be a special month for her. With this knowledge, it made sense that throughout May she was incredibly tense, waiting for the end of the world even if something important already happened.

This is what Theo was worrying about as she stared at the empty crystal ball in front of her. One might think that being able to see the future would make her a pro at Divination but this was not the case. Theo fought against her gift with every fiber of her being and at present it was manifesting in a lacking Divination grade. It probably didn't help that their teacher was a bit rubbish. Theo knew that the "art of Divination" was more or less opinion and conclusions drawn from some observation or another but this was ridiculous.

"Theo will die this week," James shrieked in mock horror. Theo glared at him when their professor, Gordon Fernsby glided in their direction. His robes fluttered behind him and Theo was sure he charmed them that way, melodramatic as he was.

"What do you see, Mr. Potter?"

Theo was sure that in Fernsby's head he sounded distant and mistic but to Theo it sounded more like he had a broken nose. She continued to glare at James as he went on to tell their "professor" the gruesome details of Theo's death by nifflers.

"Very good, Mr. Potter! Ten points to Gryffindor!" Theo dropped her head to the table with a loud thud. She hated Dumbledore for doing this to her. This was the worst and possibly the most redundant way to spend her time. Was this what he had in mind when he said she'd have to train and work hard? Because this was hardly any use to her.

"Miss Clarke, what do you see?"

"A glass ball," she deadpanned. She heard Sirius snort behind her and choke a little as the mandrake leaf got caught in his throat. Fernsby gave her a scathing look.

"Miss Clarke, Professor Dumbledore requested that I make sure you use your time here wisely. What would you have me tell him?"

Theo bit the inside of her cheek. He was playing dirty, then. He knew that she wouldn't want to disappoint Dumbledore after everything he did for her. With a clenched jaw Theo adjusted herself in her seat and set her eyes on the glass ball, completely prepared to plot out in detail how he was going to lose all of his hair when everything shifted around her.

 _Green. So much green. Street sign. Market St. Number. 18. House? Laughter. Sick and twisted. Bodies. Two bodies at unnatural angles. Glossy eyes. No breath. Dead? DEAD?_

"Miss Clarke! That is enough!" Theo looked up at a man with long brown hair that looked like it needed to be brushed. He looked like momma did when she was angry. Was he angry too?

"Out, now! Twenty points from Gryffindor!" Theo was scared. Why was he yelling? Had she done something wrong? She didn't remember doing anything wrong. She tried to think but it was hard. She just wanted to sleep.

"Sir, I don't think…" A boy with messy hair was standing in front of her now. He was tall and skinny.

"You too, Potter!" The man was yelling again and Theo covered her ears. She hated it when people fought. The boy with the messy hair tried saying something else but the man kept yelling. Theo grabbed the boy's sleeve.

"Stop fighting," she pleaded. The boy gave her a weird look before grabbing her hand and pulling her out of the room. He didn't let go of her hand even when they got out of the room. She tried to pull away, not liking the touch, but he held strong. She pulled harder until he stopped and looked at her.

"Let go!" She yanked hard and he finally let go.

"Are you ok?" Theo didn't say anything. "Theo?"

She didn't know what to say. She was confused. Finally she asked: "What happened?"

He was looking her weird again. She didn't understand, she thought it was a good question. Was she supposed to know what happened? Was he upset with her for not knowing?

"You started screaming in the middle of class."

Class… She was in a class. That man was the professor. This boy… James?

"James," she said slowly, testing it out.

"Yes?"

This was James. He likes hugs. He's usually happy but he isn't now. Was it her fault? Maybe if she hugged him he'll be happy again. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him. He was much bigger than her. He didn't return the hug right away but when he did it wasn't like the hugs she remembered.

"I'm sorry," she said out of habit. This is what she said when momma was upset with her. Maybe it will make him feel better too.

"Why?"

"You're upset," she said into his chest.

"Mr. Potter, Miss Clarke! What are you two doing?" A woman was shouting at them and Theo held on to James tighter.

"Professor McGonagall, thank god you're here. I think something's wrong with Theo…"

Something wrong? Had she done something wrong? She had tried to be a good girl. She didn't mean to upset them.

"What do you mean?" The woman asked. She knew this woman. This woman was nice.

"We were in Divination and she just –"

"I see," McGonagall didn't let him finish. Theo thought that was rude. She wasn't normally rude. "I'll take it from here, Potter. Please release Miss Clarke."

James let go but Theo didn't want him to. She was scared. What if that angry man came back? What if McGonagall yelled at her? She buried her face into James's chest.

"She isn't normally like this," James said as he rested a hand on her head. She liked that feeling and smiled.

"I am aware. Theo, it's time to let go." This was the first time McGonagall spoke to her. It was very soft. She liked it when she spoke like that. Maybe if she did what she said she would keep talking like that. Sometimes that worked with momma.

"Okay," she said as she slowly let go of James. He still had that weird look on his face but it seemed nicer now. She smiled.

"Come with me, Theo." Theo nodded and went to follow until she realized James wasn't coming with. She looked and saw him walking in the other direction.

"James!" He whipped around to look at her. "Don't go! I don't want to be alone!"

He looked at McGonagall.

"Theo, it might be best if he went back to class…"

"No! There's an angry man! He was yelling at me and James! He can't go back!" Theo crossed her arms. She didn't want to be alone. McGonagall sighed and looked at James again. James had already walked up next to Theo again. She grabbed his hand so that he couldn't leave again.

"I'll try to help," he said to McGonagall. Theo wondered what he was supposed to help with.

"Thank you, Potter."

They started walking off again but this time James was holding her hand. She didn't want to let go this time because this time she wasn't scared of him. She was scared of the angry man who yelled at her. James wouldn't let anything happen to her. He had said so before. McGonagall said so too. They would keep her safe.

"Minerva, what brings you here?" A pretty woman with her hair in a tight bun looked at them. They were in a room full of white beds. Theo hadn't been here before but she knew what it was. She wasn't sick though, so why were they here?

"I was wondering if Miss Clarke could perhaps make use of the… spare room." McGonagall leaned in to say more things to the lady but Theo couldn't hear. She thought it was rude to whisper in front of somebody.

"They're talking about me," she huffed at James. He didn't say anything and when she looked at him his face was all red. "Are you hot?"

"Huh?"

"Your face is all red. Are you hot?"

"Oh, yea…" James didn't say anything after that. Normally James talked a lot. Did she do something wrong again?

"Hello Theo! I'm Madam Pomfrey and I'll be taking care of you today." Theo decided she liked this woman. She was rather pretty and she had a nice smile. She didn't look like someone who would yell at her.

"You're pretty," she said and Madam Pomfrey smiled. Theo knew that it was best to compliment people so that they wouldn't be angry.

"Thank you very much. Would you follow me?" Theo followed her behind a curtain and watched her open a large door. Theo followed her in and saw a little room with one bed, a nightstand and a large window on the opposite wall. She thought it was a pleasant room.

She took the clothes Madam Pomfrey gave her and waited until they left the room until she started changing as long as they promised to come back. Once momma forgot to let her out of the room for a punishment and Theo had wet the bed. She was sure momma was going to yell at her again but she just kept apologizing. When she finished she knocked on the door like she said she would and they all came back in. James's face was still pink.

Madam Pomfrey asked Theo to drink something that tasted really bad and promised Theo that if she did it she could keep the pajamas. She liked them a lot because they were really soft so she agreed. She didn't remember much after that.

 **(^^)**

"Professor…"

"I suspect you have questions, Potter." James nodded. He'd never been more scared, angry and embarrassed in his entire life. Not all at once, of course, but it had been an emotionally stressful day none the less and he was ready for someone to explain what the hell had happened.

Of course he knew what he saw. One second Theo was being her usual, sarcastic self and then she went all still. Fernsby seemed pleased at first until she started mumbling. He kept asking her to speak up but then she was screaming. Everyone had stopped to stare at Theo as she covered her eyes and kept screaming something that sounded a lot like "DEAD" but James couldn't be sure when he was covering his own ears. Fernsby seemed to think fighting fire with fire was the best way to handle it and started yelling back.

This is when James was really afraid, because Theo didn't seem to be aware of what was going on around her at all. Fernsby had called her name more than once and had even shaken her shoulder but she wouldn't stop screaming. James felt sure that she was dying.

Then suddenly it stopped and Theo was looking at the world with wide eyes as if she'd never seen it before. Clearly McGonagall had a fairly clear idea as to what happened to his little friend but she wouldn't say a word until she was sure Theo couldn't hear them through the door.

"I don't have all the answers," she began with a heavy sigh. "But what I can tell you is that your friend may possibly have a very rare gift. What do you know of seers?"

James thought about it and realized he knew very little. "They predict prophecies, don't they?"

McGonagall nodded. "Indeed. They are quite rare. It is possible that Theo possesses this rare gift but…"

McGonagall looked tired and suddenly James realized just how old she must be. He wondered what she'd seen before and how Theo's outburst had affected her. He wondered if she'd seen it happen before. He had heard rumors that Theo had gone a little loopy over break but James hadn't believed it. Seeing her now, he had to wonder if there was some truth to the rumor after all.

"Do they all act like this after…?"

"No, but each one is different. Some aren't affected at all, others have very positive reactions, and some don't even remember it happening. This is Theo's way of coping with what she sees, I suppose. Did she say anything while it was happening?"

James cringed. "No it was just… screaming. I don't think it was good professor. Does this happen every time? This…"

"No, not every time. She'd never be able to function if it did. I believe this only happens when she sees something particularly… troubling."

"So it's true that over the holidays she…" James wasn't sure what to call this. He wasn't sure if there was an appropriate term for what was happening. McGonagall understood, and nodded.

"I can't explain it, Potter. Theo has expressed interest in keeping it hidden, however and I must ask that you honor her wishes." James nodded. Theo knocked on the other side of the door to signal that she was done changing and they all filed back into the room. James felt out of place here and wondered if Theo would notice if she left. Judging by the large smile on her face when she saw him, leaving wasn't an option for the foreseeable future. Theo called him over and he stood awkwardly next to the bed.

"What is that?" James was whispering to McGonagall as he pointed to the potion Theo was gulping down. It didn't look appealing.

"Calming Draught," she replied in a hushed voice. "Professor Dumbledore will be here to ask some questions. We thought it best to keep her relaxed…"

At that moment Dumbledore entered the room. He had an uncharacteristically grim expression on his face. He always seemed so jovial and carefree in front of the students. To see him so stoic and… old was a bit of a shock for James.

James would be the first person to admit he lead a privileged life. He had money, friends, family, dashing good looks and enough charisma to fill the great hall. Suffering was a relatively foreign concept to him if he were being perfectly honest. Even with Sirius Black and Remus Lupin as best mates, the idea of a world outside of James's own was difficult for him to comprehend. It was even more difficult to realize that not only was there a world outside his own but also that that world is full of death and despair. Seeing adults look so weary and jaded felt wrong to James.

"Ah, Mr. Potter, how nice to see you," the headmaster said with a twitch of his lips. James had only actually spoken to the headmaster once and that was last year after discovering Remus's secret. He faintly wondered if he'd ever get to have a conversation with the man that didn't include deep dark secrets.

"Good to see you too, sir."

"I see Miss Clarke has been made comfortable." His tone was much softer than it was just a second ago. "I suppose she has had a rough day. Perhaps, Mr. Potter, it would be best if you left now."

James did not need any more invitation and quickly scurried out of the room before hearing a faint cry from behind him that sounded a lot like "I don't want to be alone." James paused and was taken aback. Theo never sounded so helpless.

"Miss Clarke, I think James would like to rest…"

"I don't want to be alone…"

"You're not alone, dear."

"Don't leave me…"

"It's alright Theo."

"Please don't leave me."

Theo's voice was beginning to sound childlike and innocent. It reminded him a great deal of Regulus on September first of two years ago. James and Sirius weren't friends yet but he heard the small boy begging Sirius not to leave him. James was sure it would have worked if his mother's vice like grip had not landed on Regulus's shoulders and pulled him away. James hadn't thought about that in years, but couldn't help but think that Theo sounded exactly the same. Squaring his shoulders, he turned back around. He was determined to muscle through this and stay with Theo if she needed him to. He could do this.

And then he saw the tears falling down her cheeks and bolted.


End file.
